Thursday, May 31, 2007

cause i cant resist, and im not done with my sandwich

in high school we were breaking into garages to borrow some beers, liquor, hell effin zima if we could find it

i popped into one of the them, open the fridge and i hear a growl

their effin DOG was kept in the garage

the only thing i could think of was jumping in thier car

so there i am, great, now what

they had the keys inside, so i used their garage opener to open the garage, drive down the street and leave it abandoned a block down cause i was afraid the dog would chase after the car

I have a felony record

One of my HS friends (unbeknownst to myself and a couple of other guys) was a pathological thief. Crazy stupid - breaking into houses of EIU students and stealing all sort of everything for several months.

He was storing the stuff in a shed out on his dad's farm property while he was trying to fence it.

So during Christmas break of my freshman year at U of I, myself and my dumb-ssa friends (including the guy mentioned above) decided it would be fun to steal a bunch of holiday decorations from people's homes and then use them to crazy-decorate the house of some girl one of my friends was dating.

About a week after this, the house breaking-in friend gets busted, comes clean to us, and asks us to help him get rid of all the junk in his shed. The most monumentally stupid decision of my life followed next. I agreed to do just that. Myself and a couple of other guys basically threw about $3000 worth of stuff off a bridge into a creek.

His eventual thank you to us was dropping dime on our little escapade as well as ratting out our Christmas decoration caper.

The DA had a hard-on for us (one of my friend's dad was the Superintendent of the school district) and basically told us to cop a plea to felony theft or she would push for jail time.

So 2 years of probation and 200 hours of community service (fire truck washing) later, I had paid my debt to society and had a felony record to show for my efforts.

Thank you. *Takes a bow*


One night we were partying at one of our favorite spots out in the sticks southeast of town. We'd always sit on the bridge and drink and smoke.

This particular night, I brought a bunch of fireworks and we shot them all off before hauling ass before the cops tracked down the source.

The next day I found out the bridge burnt completely!

Fast forward to years later. I'm driving to a town basketball game with several guys, including a Township commissioner and the subject of that bridge came up.

I confessed to being responsible for it.

Fortunately, he laughed and said it turned out to be a good thing because it was a very old bridge and they needed to upgrade it, however it did end up costing the township over $100,000!

Also, I'm sure I drove home that night.

I have a confession.

Two years ago, I was in Effingham for a wedding. The hotel at which the wedding reception was held was across the street from a Taco Bell. As the reception was concluding, my friend and I tasked ourselves with fetching Taco Bell for a big group. However, because it was just after midnight, only the Taco Bell drive-thru was open. So we attempted to order from the drive thru. They refused to let us do so.

Thankfully, as we were about to give up and disappoint twenty very hungry drunk people back at the reception, a car with two young kids (about 20-21) pulled into the drive-thru. Offering to buy their Taco Bell, we asked if they would allow us to sit on their trunk while they went through the drive-thru and bought our food for us. (I have no idea why we didn't just get in the car or walk behind them. Probably because we were drunk) They agreed. As we started to implement our plan, however, I noticed that these young chaps had open alcohol in the car. And they were visibly drunk. This was certainly a disappointment, but I'd already given them my money and was facing a mob of T-Bell cravers back at the reception. Unfortunately, the absurd sight of two guys sitting on the back of car while it went through the Taco Bell drive-thru caught the attention of one of Effingham's finest, who had been passing by on the main road. The officer pulled into the parking lot, stopped his car, and just sat there.

When our order was ready we grabbed our food, hopped off the back of the guy's trunk, and started to walk back to the reception. Not suprisingly, as soon our new friend pulled out of the drive-thru, police lights immediate turned on.

So, in sum, because of my Taco Bell craving, I likely caused what appeared to be a twenty-year old kid to receive (1) a DUI, (2) a ticket for open alcohol, and (possibly) (3) a ticket for underaged drinking. I'd like to say that I don't feel bad because anyone drinking and driving that brazenly probably deserves to get caught. But the fact of the matter is that he almost assuredly would not have been pulled over if not for my idea that I ride on the back of his car while he went throught the drive-thru. Anyhow, the Taco Bell was well worth it.


As you experts can probably tell - Ive never started a thread before; and during a serious sports "time period", Ive vowed never to do such a foolish thing. While there are "some" intersting things on here it basically amounts to a whole lot of crap from a lot of unemployed (or should be fired) uninformed ex-jocks (or present- wanabes). Maybe I should change my attitude, I must admit youve made me laugh; you are in fact quite ceative, and maybe someday I'll get it - but for now, since my IT guy says my computer is good, I must assume there is a bone to pick with the owner of this site - and I need to get to work before the bewitching hour of 7am arrives. (no foolish interent activity after 7)

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I'm getting drug tested tomorrow at 9 AM, help me out please!

So my boss walks into our office today and says "Good news guys! You're getting paid this summer instead of working for free. We'll fill out the paper work and do the drug test tomorrow." This is a mixed bag. As some may remember, I was wondering if I was going to get drug tested when I started but then relaxed about it after I started and realized I wasn't (until now, since we get paid). I have been cautious since then, but took 2-3 hits about 5 days ago. I'm taking 3 Goldenseals tonight and downing about 4 liters of cranberry juice. Am I going to pass this thing? The last time I smoked before those 3 hits was about 2.5 weeks ago and the test is a urine sample.

it was mrs' bday today and i totally duffed it

bought her a toothbrush. mind you, it was a hella nice toothbrush, but still

wish me luck on surviving the evening.

i overestimated "my wife, the practical one" value. i thought she'd like it.

the best part is that i had to show her the web site description of it. I ordered it 10 days ago and it still hasn't come...

i'm in all sorts of trouble.

Mom should have made me apologize for this, but she didn’t.

For most of my childhood, I had a paper route. If there was a contest for best paperboy in Philo, I probably would have won because I could stuff, fold and rubberband papers really fast. Then, I’d cram them into my bike with the dual baskets on the back and take off. I was pretty quick. The only thing that slowed me down was dogs. I was afraid of dogs as a kid, and it seemed like Philo had a lot of dogs running loose.

To help with this, my mom bought me some stuff called “Mailman’s Best Friend”. If a dog got too close, I could just spray a little of this stuff in his face and he’d leave me alone. Everything would be fine; at least that’s what mom told me. The thing is, after she bought it for me, I never had to use it. Maybe just the sight of that red can bouncing around in my front basket kept the dogs away.

I couldn’t leave well enough alone though. One early Saturday morning, I was delivering a paper to Old Mrs. Brazelton’s house when her dog decided to go nuts. The good news was that the dog was inside a fence that I didn’t even have to go inside of; I just had to put the paper in a box on my side of the fence and move on. But the dog was going crazy and probably waking everybody up, so I gave him a quick squirt right in the face with “Mailman’s Best Friend”. The dog started crying and rolling around in the grass, and I went on my way, finished my route and went home.

A couple hours later, mom got a phone call from Mrs. Brazelton. Apparently, she had seen the whole thing through her window and was none too happy. She was back from the vet, where she’d had to have the dog’s eyes washed out. She informed mom that she would be expecting me to reimburse her for the vet bill, which was just short of $100. That’s where my memory ends. I don’t remember having to go down and apologize for being so stupid, and I don’t remember ever having to pay the bill. Then again, I never saw any of the money from my paper route until I was much older, so maybe mom did use my money to pay the bill. Mom handled all that part for me and, after I graduated from college, she finally gave me my money that she’d been saving for me for all those years.

Mom was normally very strict. I don't know why I didn't get severely punished for this.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

dear sucky tennis people...

get the EFF off the effing courts you mothereffing sucky a@@ wanna be players. can't you see there are two other groups waiting to play and you stay on the court for a hour just hitting the ball into space.

do that shite in your backyard you pieces of rhino poop.

whats even worse was that...

they were all decked out in Prince and Head gear. Everything brand new. Morons. Here's a hint.... buying name brand stuff isn't going to make you all of a sudden good in anything. Effing go buy (or borrow) a used raquet and some new balls. Wear some old guy shoes and just regular workout stuff. You'll know if you're any good or have natural ability VERY soon. Might save you some loot.

when people who actually want to play and who aren't spending more time chasing balls, that they are hitting them,... you might want to give them their daily exercise..



I wish I were a huge robotic elephant... and could level cities like War of the Worlds..

that would be fun

So my apartment got broken into on Sunday... with me in it

Was sitting on the couch watching TV at about 12 midnight after my friends had just headed out for a quick second. All of the sudden something catches my eye in the hallway. Wasn't quite sure what it was, thought it might have been the foil hanging off of our hookah just blowing in the wind. Walk into the hallway and stair down the stairs to see a figure in the doorway that appears to be messing with our lock from inside (our apartment is on the second floor, with stairs inside leading up to it.

It was dark, so I had to let my eyes adjust, and I thought it just may have been my friend coming back in from going out. It took me a split second to realize this was not my friend and it was a 5'5" black guy messing with my door. My immediate reaction was, "DUDE GET THE EFF OUTTA HERE!" He quickly ran out the door, and I went into a side room to pick up a knife just in case that movement in the other room was another dude in the house. Turns out it wasn't and things were ok.

This is the 4th time someone has broken into an apartment at our house (it's a large house with several apartments). Problem is we can't call the cops because a friend of ours lives downstairs that let's just say dabbles A LOT in things that aren't exactly legal. Needless to say, we are hardcore locking our doors from now on and calling a locksmith.

*Prepares to the leave the deuce permanently*

Seems to me that the powers to be on the IB have an aversion of contests created by me. I see no difference between this new contest and find Illie, except that the former is authored by myself. With that in mind, I shall depart starting now and returning either never or when I am given full clearance to reinstate "Name That 80s Tune in 1 second, vol #" by IB management.


In the meantime...

Went to Memphis on Saturday for my nieces graduation.

I went with my mom, and we stopped by sisters house first for a while when we got there. We told them we needed to get a motel room fialr early. well, things happened and we didn't start to look for one until about 3PM. that was a huge mistake because we looked for over an hour and every one was booked. we finally went back to the house and got the phonebook out and called, i bet we called atleast 10 of them before we finally found one in the Days Inn. this motel was about 25 minutes away from their house. We got lucky with this one because we had the last room.

BTW, we got screwed with prices there. we had to a little over $100 for one night. The Marriott that went to and tried to get a room was just about the same price and it's much nicer place to stay. i have a feeling they jacked up the price because it was a Holiday.

anyways, it worked out ok in the end i guess. At first i thought we are going to end up in Arkansas someplace to find one the way we were going.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Was a day from hell today at work

not in it being a bad day...but just so damn busy. I had 6 straight people come up for financing in a row (2 at the same time) and the other two CSR's were busy with a customer who changed her order 5 FREAKING TIMES. She'd want something and then come back and want it taken off and want something else...on and on for about a good hour and a half. It takes me about 10 minutes (imputing the application into the machine and getting a response...and that's on ones that come back quickly..sometimes it takes me longer because American General has to check everything carefully before responding to me)to do one...and that's before taking any money on it.

Only saving grace today was one of the salesmen Leorn, who's originally from Mississippi, cooking us up some Southern style ribs.

Ugh, why do I always seem to get sick on Holiday weekends?

it's a virus.

good news: it's not strep.
bad news: only treatment is to treat the symptoms & let it run it's course.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

I just woke up after about 4 hours of sleep

and I'm wide awake with no chance of getting back. I had a dream that I was arrested the night before post office workers who caught me trying to smuggle weed out of a post office.

Damn couldn't sleep, @#$% insomnia

Weird dream, not bad. Then I Woke up very warm around 2am PST. Then I had to remember my colleague's piece of crap candidate that gave his word to my client that he would turn off overtures from other prospective employers AFTER HE SIGNED AN OFFER LETTER 5 DAYS AGO, and started setting up his for his first day on 6/4. He didn't and leveraged this offer to get one that isn't better. My client even sent his wife flowers after giving birth while he was interviewing. I really see it all in our business. Tuesday is not going to be fun. Losing future money isn't $hit compared to apologizing to my client. What did happen to "My word is my bond." Bill $elf-ish-esque these days. I would like to be a fly on the wall when he gives his 3 daughters the "keeping your promises lesson." If there were more people like him around 60 years ago, we'd all be speaking German and Japanese. Sorry for the rant. Enjoy your holiday weekend. At least I had a great placement Friday to make up for it.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Vegas now sucks..... bad....

I just got back from my annual trip for work and I can honestly say - I don't care if I ever go back...

I used to love Vegas too.... but it blows now. I liked it a lot better when the mob ran the town.

The dealers/Casino's interest in giving people what I used to enjoy as the Vegas experience is gone now. It's like a machine just focused on taking your money in every way possible. No personal touch, no effort on you enjoying your time there.... very disappointing because it used to be way better

people used to wear jackets/get dressed up a bit for dinner and shows - now I've got a dude in a tank top and jeans shorts sitting next to me.

Also - they used to be happy to seperate you from your money at the tables. Now - they substantially over charge for everything. Huge premium prices on every single thing... food, drinks, rooms, sundries....etc.

Now comfortably wearing pants...

...that I have not been able to fit into at all in over a year.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Sometimes when I get bored at work,

I like to play with the little basketball figurines that I stole off of someone's birthday cake a couple of years ago.

I don't have names for either player, but I call the middle guy "pck".

The Yellow Team guy is always trying to dunk it over the Blue Team guy.

But usually the Blue Team guy is there to take a charge and pck is in great position to make the call.

This is one time when Blue Team guy didn't get back quick enough and Yellow Team guy scored.

Blue Team guy never gets the ball, so sometimes he shows off by jumping up and hanging on the backboard. I think pck is gonna be calling a T.

Buddha doesn't root for either player. He just hopes for a good game and that it isn't decided on a stupid call by pck.

my lunch

This guy made me scarf down my sandwich. I was afraid he was going to attack me and steal my sandwich.

I eventually had to pretend to throw something, so he would leave me alone. Here his is looking for the imaginary piece of food.

I don't even know what to say about this

except that a part of my childhood just died

Anyone can rip an ear off of a guy that is knocked out

eh.... yeah... but we practiced grips and the ability to do it fast in a regular fight.

We were punching them in the chest with a combo so they would lower their arms and would just reach in with a claw and rip it off while they were standing. We would then throw them on the ground and kill them if needed.

Major update:

She took my advice and they are covered up today. ...and I miss them.

The new guy really stinks again. He can be smelled from a

ways away. I think he only showers every other day because yesterday he wasn't so smelly.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Dear female student in front row,

Congrats on the recent arrival and the boobs that came with said baby. By the cut of your shirt I can see you are VERY proud of them.

Problem is I haven't spent quality time with a set of boobs in quite a long time and that being said, I am now a walking HR complaint waiting to happen.

I don't even want to guess how many times you caught me looking already...and frankly unless you wear a burka or a tarp tomorrow, I am going to end up losing this job which I need really, really badly to support my Miller High Life habit and to feed my kitten.

So how 'but throwing a brother a bone and cover 'em up tomorrow, huh?


When I was a kid, we raised rabbits.

You know, the cute fluffy white ones. Dad used to butcher them and sell the meat. We all helped take care of them, but only my 2 oldest brothers took part in the butchering. I steered clear on those days because I was usually too attached to the little things to think about what happened to them, although it never stopped me from eating the rabbit meat.

Every once in a while, a neighborhood dog would visit and think about getting him some rabbit. Mom kept a gun (it only shot blanks, I think) in the kitchen and would shoot toward any dogs that got too close. One time though, a dog got to the rabbits and ended up killing something like 10 or 15 of them. Mom must have somehow caught the dog, and called the owners. I have a vague memory of some 10-12 year old boy coming over to our house to get his dog. He was crying a bunch, but I’m not sure why. I don’t know if it was because mom was calling the dogcatcher or what. But he was crying as if he was never gonna see the dog again, so I don’t know if they took it away for good or what. When that kid grew up, he turned out to be pretty mean and picked on me a bunch. Thanks mom.

I think I’m gonna call mom right now and ask her if she remembers that happening. Then I’m gonna ask her what they did to the dog. Ugh, what if she tells me they shot it?

I don't know how big your ssa is but..................................

1) You insult everyone that does not agree with you.
2) You run every female off, except for Jackie because, well, "You are the Queen". I guess. That is up to H.B.?
3) You troll any conversation about baseball, unless it is the Cubs, then you become an idot with your comments. Because it is the Sox not the Soxs.
4) You love the attention such as this conversation. The more "IBDA" shows up in a thread the prouder you are. (that is my assumption)
5) You just might not represent the majority of U of I grads or fans. Ever think about that before you post?


Drank with the 4th/6th grade teacher tonight. What an awesome guy. Asked about kids from our class and we told him who all the drugees/sluts/homosexuals were from our class. Most entertaining part was when our buddy that was there told him he had another girl from his class on video doing the hibbity dibbity with our buddy. Said he could call many of them when he was in our class. Great guy.

Then, one of the hot twins tried to meet us at the bar but was turned down because she got out of the car that dropped her off with a beer? Apparently the manager saw this and said she couldn't get in. WTF? So the, literally, 15 of us that were at the bar staged a protest of her not getting let in and went to another bar (power to the people!) where I proceeded to talk her up for another 1.5 hours. Damn she's hot. That is all. :shwing (is currently starting a petition that this emoticon should somehow be added).

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Nearly hit a lady and her dog this morning

She was jogging with Fido and attempted to make a quick crossing of Irving Park Road near the Brown Line stop.

Well, smack dab in the middle of the lane Fido heard the call of the wild.

She starts yelling at him as he voids his bowels (and there was alot and it looked runny) in the middle of the lane.

Luckily she got him moving before I had to slam on my brakes.

Geez the new guy stinks. I'm gonna have to put

up an air freshener in my cube. I have to hold my breath every time he asks me a question.

How would you bring this up to a co-worker? We had a stink intervention for a roommate of mine in college. That didn't go so well and almost ended up coming to blows. I don't want to have that experience with a co-worker.

holy sllab am I tired.

That was a good 20 hour day yesterday, 4 hours of sleep, and back at it. I love National Championships, though.

Just saw the 2 hottest chicks from HS at the bar tonight

Oh, did I mention they were twins? Did I also mention I talked to them for 2 hours tonight? How about that they're joining me and my buddies for a drink tomorrow night with our 4th grade teacher? Needless to say, it was a solid night. :shwing

Monday, May 21, 2007

Wait' til you can't find anything in Blockbuster worth renting...

It might take a while, but it will happen. Blockbuster's in-store selection licks sllab. Netflix's on-line selection is better, too. Plus, Netflix is faster. Blockbuster Online will F you in the A big-time. Aside from the value aspect (for me -- I am not near a Blockbuster), I hate going into Blockbuster stores anyway. You can always count on 3 things happening with each visit...
1. There will be at least one family with gnikcuf bratty kids who need their asses beat.
2. At least one person in line in front of you will swear up and down the late charges on their account can't be right and will spend 5 minutes talking about it with the employee.
3. Once it's your turn to make your way through the little maze and up to the precious counter (like the good little sheep you are), said employee will be a gnikcuf doucebag twenty-something metrosexual you just want to punch in the face.

Blockbuster sucks and Netflix is better. That's my point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, so the oldest two and i were playing RISK yesterday.

the oldest had won the previous two contests.

i started with a relative stronghold in SE Asia (all but one of Australia; Siam; Afghanistan; Japan; and a couple of other stans)

the oldest consolidated S. America and Africa. he also a had a presence in N. America and Europe.

The youngest somehow staved off elimination while holding out in alaska and greenland.

i determined to take and hold Asia within the first four turns. alas, the oldest and i were engaged in a mighty struggle for the world of the ancients, the middle east. three turns in a row we clashed - two times i had to tuck tail and run. but on the third, i emerged victorious, but scathed.

the battle raged about the globe. the middle son took N. America and Europe. I finally managed to take Asia, then on a rampage that would make Sherman proud, i took out the oldest and cashed again.

alas, i was not able to take on the middle son.

after some minor skirmishes, the middle son cashed for 20, and resolves to cast the dice, he crossed his rubicon.

after a lightning start, he struggled a bit through north and western asia. upon reaching Siam, he is weakened, but still standing.

the vicious contest continued until i have only eastern australia remaining as my stronghold. i have 5 cards, i will be cashing for 25 armies; he has only one card. if i can just hold out, i have a chance.

he has three veterans remaining that have made it all the way from Alaska on the long, brutal campaign.

i have one australian left.

we roll...i take out one alaskan with a 6! yes! i still have a chance.

for the final roll - everything hinges on this one - he rolls first. a 4. "sweet!" i think. i actually have a shot. i advise both my sons that "all i need is a 4, 5, or 6 and i am still in this."

the middle child is so excited he is standing on his chair, the oldest is standing, i'm standing (by this time, we've woken Brady with our yelling and he is tooling around the kitchen in his walker).

i shake, i rattle, i roll....

a 3.

needless to say, our middle son leaped from the chair and puched the air with his fist. "YES! YESYESYESYESYES!!!!"

recap of yesterday's RISK contest in the household upcoming

say, 30 minutes, or around 2:30 (CST or CDT - whatever we are on now)

Sunday, May 20, 2007

a question about knee injuries

so i really hurt my knee yesterday. i felt it twist when i was falling and got scared because the way i felt it move i knew it could have been bad. it really hurt but i was able to walk around on it the rest of yesterday (with a limp, but still able to walk) but when i woke up today its basically dead. if i move my knee it just kills. it also feels stiff. do you think this could be a torn ligament or just a sprain? since i was able to walk yesterday i was thinking definitely no tear. now im not so sure. whats the best option for treating it? obviously have to go to a doctor if its torn but i don't know if it really is that bad. im going to europe in 2 weeks to start my backpacking trip and i feel like i could have just effed that up. if its just a sprain, 2 weeks of resting it up should be good enough to at least walk around on right?

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Why do people want a forecast from me when

they can just go to or yahoo! weather or turn on the weather channel? They ask people like me because they want a 2nd opinion and perhaps a point / time forecast for a specific moment of their life that would be affected if the wx is good or not.

I'm providing a service for free. If my forecast for 2" of snow ends up at 12", so be it. No need to bring it up every fricking time someone else mentions the weather on the board. Move on. Enjoy the extra 10" of snow I didn't want you to know about and the day off from work.

Friday, May 18, 2007

I have not eaten a single thing today.

and the snack machine ate my quarters.
I've been hungry since one. But I don't feel like I'm going to puke anymore, that's good.

I'm drought and famine resistant.

YAY! i got my first anticircus email!

we are putting on a 3 ring circus and i got my first bashing email! i cant wait to saunter up to the topless girl in the cage munching on a sprouts pita "this is so barberic, wanna go share some sticks n dirt"

*finger guns*

I'm a little concerned on how good this weekend might be.

We just lost all water pressure in the house.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

From the newbie in town, a question...

What's this board all about, anyway? And i'm perfectly happy to be a serf... no queen status necessary (Jackie, Holly, Doy, Erin, et. al.)

So I'm coming out of retirement tonight.

Joining the company softball team mid-season. They are bad. I predict I go hitless with a few errors in the field. 50/50 that I get hurt at some point too.

Oh, I plan on being lazy and showing no hustle. I still think I'll hurt myself.

I mean, this just isn't even fair

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Am I in the minority?...

I was listening to the Sportsbash on ESPN radio on the way home and Jason Seibel was saying he has never done any illegal drugs and it got me thinking. I have never done any sort of illegal drugs either, are Jason and I in the minority?

Not even Pot.

so, y'all know about the going to bed rules at my house.

we have rules for covers, too. (this isn't a real funny story)

by way of background, i tend to get cold at night while mrs stays very warm. i'm no longer allowed to use an electric blanket, b/c she gets too hot.

so, i often use a quilt and a comforter, sometimes a quilt, a waffle blanket, and a comforter. well, mrs doesn't like me using all of those, b/c she says i get sweaty and "gank up the bed".

so last night i had only a sheet and a comforter. i kicked off the comforter at 2am, b/c i didn't want to get hot and gank up the bed. well, i couldn't get comfortable and fall asleep.

so when i went back to bed at 5am, i pulled the comforter up. then it hit me - i couldn't stay asleep b/c i was COLD!!!

so this morning, i requested an intermediate cover.

i will report back further tomorrow to let you know if i was able to use said intermediate cover.

How do I go about getting a refund on eBay?

item hasn't been shipped yet...finally heard back from the guy who said that his car is broken down so he can't ship the item right now.

I e-mailed him saying that if he can't ship the item by the 20th...I will need a full refund. The payment has already posted according to my bank account.

Should I contact eBay and Paypal?

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Within 30 minutes of meeting the guy that took my blood....

I learned the following about his life:

Where he lives
How much he pays in rent
Where he went to school
How much money he makes
How he met his ex-wife
where they lived
why they got divorced
how much he paid for his lawyer
how much she paid for her lawyer
how much he hates her now
i also learned about his friend who recently quit a job at a local bar to manage a hooters.
He then told me about his truck.
How much he paid for his truck
What kind of truck he wants next
He asked me if I wanted to buy his truck

The guys didn't stop talking for a second... it was hella annoying.

Dear McDonalds,

Despite the emails of apologies, the mail restating the apology and the two free extra value meal coupons, our local McDonald's still served us sweet tea. I would like to thank you for enabling us to swear off McDonald's forever.

cc: Chik-Fil-A
cc: TacoBell
cc: Arby's

I was thinking about all the odd injuries my family had as kids:

1. Brother 2 drove his motorcycle into an old basement next door and chipped his front teeth.

2. Brother 2 required many stitches after the infamous shower mirror incident.

3. Brother 4 fell no more than 3 feet out of a tree and broke his arm

4. Brother 4 stood too close to the teeter-totter while Brother 3 tried to launch a stuffed animal into the air. Teeter-totter connected with face, requiring several stitches.

5. Sister: stood too close to poorly planned fireworks experiment. Tin can shrapnel required several stitches in arm.

6. Brother 3: stepped in a tentpole hole after the fair left town, resulting in a broken ankle.

7. Me: slammed into a barn while running back to catch a fly ball, resulting in 5 stitches above eye

8. Me: fell off a toy tractor while trying to climb into the garage attic, resulting in a broken little toe.

My kids have been luckier. The only odd injury was when my daughter tossed her cousin's Tickle-Me Elmo into the air and it landed on her own face. The battery pack must have hit just right because it split open her forehead requiring a trip to the ER.

years ago my cousin set me up with a coworker of hers, a girl named Lisa.

we dated for a while but as the title of the books says, I just wasn't that into her. no spark. on paper she was great, but just no spark.

b/c i was a puss I let it drag on for a while before i finally grew a pair of sllab and broke it off after about 3 months of basically blowing her off. yeah i know- i was young and dumb and wimpy. I mean, I wouldn't call her for DAYS- we'd go 2-3 weeks w/o seeing each other b/c I was busy at work, but even when I wasn't I didn't have the sllab to just break up, at least for a while.

she called me as soon as she heard I'd move back to DC a few years ago but I didn't go out with her again.

i guess she took the hint and got married and just had a kid.

my cousin bumped into her the other day with her new baby.

she asked the baby's name and Lisa said......


It's JAY.

my cousin said she almost spit her soda out.

1) no, it's not mine
2) european jews often name a kid in honor of a dead relative so maybe she had a grandpa whose name started with "J" and didn't want to name the kid Jehosephet or Jeremiah so she took the first letter.

or maybe she's still a bit obsessed with me.

Just cancelled my MySpace account

Sorry #1 friend.

1. I'm 36 years old

2. My ex was still my "friend" and try as I might I couldn't help but go to her site and look at her pics.

Oh, btw she already had her 30th b-day party....even though she doesn't turn 30 until the end of the month.

Six months later and I'm still not over her, and that didn't help. I need to move on somehow. I don't know what else to do.

I just saw a kid flash a gun.

He then came into the coffee shop and bought a water. I thought for sure he was going to rob the place.

Monday, May 14, 2007

So I found a pair of purple Victoria's Secret thong panties... the dryer in the laundry room.

First of all, I got pretty excited because that's the closest I've been to a pair of women's panties in quite awhile.

Now what do I do with them? No subtle way to get them back to the rightful owner. Part of me wants to hold on to them beause who knows when I'm gonna see sexy panties again. They are kind of a nice reminder.

what to do....

I sniffed

They're clean.

It's on my kitchen table.

I showed it to my mom on mothers day.

She noticed it before I showed it to her. She had hoped that it meant I was dating again.

see ya deuce.

if im forced with this joke of a name, im outta here.

enjoy life, i will be.

i am sure there are better ways to kill time than to visit here.

actually been thinking about it for awhile. my posting had decreased up till this past finals week. all is well though. life will carry on. you all will go about your ways. you will still call tiki out for whining. you will still have your ho train and your lunch/dinner threads.

im still on the right path. i just dont want the name. at the time, it was more than appropriate as more than half of my postings were dramatic. now, not so much. i really wont be back, unless hell freezes over and the coo win the WS.

not that ill be missed. but its better than just having: anyone heard from dq lately? posts. id hate to clutter up the board with those.

good luck to all of you!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Out of 30 employees, Mrs. has 1 willing to work this weekend.

23 expect to have jobs next fall. Guess how many will?

Actually the answer is 3. The other 2 had "valid" concerns to not work. A wedding and a graduation (back home) to attend.

Friday, May 11, 2007

MAJOR UPDATE!!!! Holy crap...

...secretary number 1 just hctib slapped secretary number 2 for calling secretary number 1 "Stupid-ssa-mother-gnikcuk-tnuc"

Secretary number 1: "kcuF this, I'm going home" Calls her attorneys and asks permission and stormed out of here.

Secretary number 2 is now telling other secretarys about how she got "jumped"

And these are two 30-something mothers who are usually calm and polite. Teh awesomeness!!!!

Two secretaries currently having a screaming fight

And no partners are here in my wing yet. Thank god I don't have any deadlines to meet. This is going to be one hell of a friday

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I just ordered Mother's Day flowers for my wife. I ordinarilly

don't like sending flowers, but the were pretty well received on Valentine's Day, and it's easier than going out to find something. They'll be delivered tomorrow. I hope that's not too early to get a Mother's Day present.

I am so sick of studying.

Somebody remind me why I picked a career that requires 8 years of studying again?
I like my work.
The exams are killer though. But when I'm done I have job security like no other.

i had an flash of memory about a half hour ago

i wasnt talking about knowing more about diabetes in the original thread. my statement was very close to "i more than most people understand the seriousness of diabetes". as in, i understand that diabetes can have very serious consequences.

but i am sure you are right doy and dumple, i discussed understanding the serious consequences of diabetes without once mentioning why i know those consequences firsthand.

Tonight's commute home was a first

I get on the subway and notice as I sit down that it vaguely smells like someone farted. Specifically, like some old dude just farted. That's happened before, so I just breathe through my mouth as I read the City Paper.

Soon even the mouth breathing can't keep me from smelling it. The old dude didn't just fart, he crapped himself, I think. I notice other people putting their hands over their noses and turning around to look in the direction of the stench. I look back and see a huge loaf in the middle of the aisle, along with a bunch of poop-smeared footprints.

Apparently, someone's seeing-eye dog couldn't hold it anymore and let it go right before I got on. Everyone in that car got off at the next stop and made a beeline for other cars.

Latest email from my exclamation point-loving daughter:

See you in a bit!!!!!!! I have NO HOMEWORK!!!!!!! Yea me!!!!!!!! TTYL!!!!!!!!!!!! Love you!!!!!

~ Don't worry, bhappy! ~

At least she doesn't use all caps too.

So I just called a mate of mine in England on his mobile

when he answered I called him a "twat".

Only it wasn't him, I had dialed wrong.

and for your information

i do not have a law degree, its true. i would guarantee that all the lawyers and then some others have more knowledge of the law then me. but i do have a degree in law enforcement, and was taught a bit of the law and quite a bit about the criminal justice system. i am not completely ignorant you know.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Talking about saving water, my ex's family would reuse bath water.

They lived in the country and thus had well water. Often, in the summer, the water supply/well would run low or out so to avoid this they often would share bath water. She was the youngest so often be the last to use the water when she was growing up. She only had one older brother and her parents so not like a huge family, but I found it...well...gross.
I often remember going to the inlaws and when I'd use the bathroom the tub would be there full of water. There was a layer of soap scum and residue ring around the edge. The water was discolored, but it was well water, typically very hard and often cloudy, so hard to tell if very used.
Telling you this has made me realize that she has a good reason for being nuts.

Mrs peed in the broken toilet

and she can't flush it -- this after she laughed at me for suggesting we put a tape "X" on it.

Things I will not miss about this job:

1. Corporate lawyers. I think this one I deal with on a regular basis got a mail-in law degree.


3. The elevator. (My new job doesn't have one). There are unwritten rules like (if you are the last one to be waiting for the elevator you should not be the first one to board it!)

4. The girl who ends everything with a question and referred to Bloomington as southern illinois yesterday. (We were required to learn Illinois History/Geography in 8th grade).

5. The pay.

Milton Q; Pendlefeather

that is my alter ego. It's top secret, so tell nobody.

Don't drhink on your birthdyuajlk. It is bad.

Now on to your regularly scheduked pictures of stevethecat nad tiki's summer shoes.

don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Just found a moose oven mitt in my closet

This one...

Friend's sister said I looked like the lead singer...

...of Rascal Flatts last night.

I have no idea wtf that means or whether to be insulted or flattered.

Better dumb interview question:

1. Would you rather be Michael Knight or a member of the A-Team?

2. If you had to eliminate one Muppet, who would it be?

(Eliminate was chosen for being purposely vague, yet slightly sinister)

Or give me your own. I don't care about your answers, I want questions.

(Yes, one of these is actually getting asked Friday)

Monday, May 7, 2007

Katherine Hepburn

They have a 5 day festival on TCM. I took the kids, when they were little and saw "On Golden Pond" at the Fox theatre in Peoria. Great shows on TV and at the theatre bring families together. We still talk about them.

My dad cheers nearly everytime he sees Hepburn slap Jane Fonda in that movie. She doesn't like that woman.


I pee alot.

But that's not the adfession.

I bought these new cargo shorts from teh Gap. They're really cool, but the buttons (fly) are really hard to button-up. When it comes time to do my business, it takes, like, an entire minute to undo the three requisite buttons.

I've since decided to leave two of the three buttons undone, and if that increases the chances of my weenis being exposed, well, then, whatever.

I once got an accidental IB2 print out "stuck" in the queue

the IT guy had to go to the print server and delete it, meanwhile half the office had stuff backed up behind it.

I also got an intended print-out from stuck in the print queue. The IT guy (just an engineer who got tasked with babysitting the print server) gave we grief since it looked like gamefags

Who's the ginger kid holding the lobster?

Sunday, May 6, 2007

so, we have 5 prints of spiderman

We were selling pretty well, so we made some moves and cancelled the late shows of Vacancy so that we could add in a '6th' show. Basically, we have the ability to add some leaderfilm to the front of the prints which allows us to use one print on multiple screens. We were running one print in theaters 1 and 2.

Doing this, however, leaves lots of room for error/accidents and such. The platter that the print was feeding from started spinning too fast. Thankfully I was walking that way and noticed it. I ran to it right as the print was flung off the platter and managed to catch it before it unrolled all over the floor.

buuut... in doing so, part of the film got doubled up and was starting to get sucked through a device that controls the pace of the platter.

So I had to do an emergency shut down, on the two projectors, but I didn't make it to the second one in time and we lost proably 2 seconds worth of film from the sprockets grinding it up.

so freakin close to the credits where it wouldn't have matter too much, but we had 400+ very irate people.

Not a good night for me.

a guy should never slap a girl.

my best girlfriend was slapped by a friend tonight over the stupidest tihs. i have never seen her cry like that. she spent a half hour in the bathroom crying and then another 20 min as we walked her home. i dont care the reason of if it is just for fun, a guy should never slap a girl. ever. count that as the 4th friendship i managed to ruin today...

she actually called her ex bf so she would have someone to punch. and i saw her literally punch him and then i left.

yet i still talk to the girl that rejected me?

she just called me and asked if she would ever make out with a guy that just slapped her. i said no. i am thinking that the guy she punched ended up slapping her and now wants to make out. ugh.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Mrs. just won a scrapbooking contest!

Guess her little hobby project work is pretty good.

but in a way she's cheated. she's been working with "decorating" for her whole life and the higher technology used in scrapping is basically non-commercial equipment very similar to what she uses at work every day.

But I still give her credit for picking up scrapping quickly and creating very impressive results.

So to top off my week...we woke up to a cracked toilet tank

and an inch of water in our bathroom this morning at about 6:45 -- on an effing Saturday. So I don't know if I'm going to get the lot I've loved. And now I have to pay for a plumber. Jeez. I guess my life could be much worse, and I'm thankful it isn't, but this is annoying.

we turned off the water supply to the toilet removed the water from the tank (by just putting a big pot under the toilet tank to catch the leak) and sopped up the water from the floor. I had to wake up a neighbor to make sure the water hadn't leaked to the unit below. The people who live below us are snowbirds who moved back to Canada two weeks ago. So I had to wake up the neighbor who had keys to the unit.

Terrible night I need to vent.

The situation: Girl I've been crushing on for about five months (I know I need to move on) breaks up with her boyfriend of about 5 months. I had backed off out of respect but now with them broken up, all bets were off. Meet up with her at a party, dance with her all night. I'm obviously into her, she was what I thought, obviously into me. So I was like great, I'm going to kiss her next time I get a chance, she says "I'll be right back" so I say thats fine so me and couple buddies just chill for a couple minutes, when I see her and her ex boyfriend leaving together. Eff him because he's a douche bag, Eff her for going to back to him. Any man that makes a women cry isn't a man at all. Eff this whole situtation. God Bless

Friday, May 4, 2007

its drinky time...

i really need it. who is going me?
me not being 21 kinda limits when i can go get more beer.
pick up some leinenkugel's, bud select, and corona (it is cinco de mayo). along with some tequila and whiskey.

Awesome. Good for Brum.

Because TINA is stupid.

TINA is freaking brilliant.

I look forward to not reading it.

Oye...I'm officially down and out

Had a second date with a girl planned for tonight...was doing dinner and going to Second City afterward. I had already purchased the tix and now am SOL.

Recieved a text message at midnight last night telling me she can't make it as her boss is now going out of town and she has to entertain clients.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY does this kinda stuff always happen to me?

Anyone want two tickets to the 11 pm second city show. I'm going to hit some golf balls in the rain tonight and then go to bed.


baseball girl is no more.

for once i got the right read on a girl, too bad it wasnt the read i was wanting.

oh well, i should be focusing on finals and not girls right now anyways.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

unexpectedly awesome tourist destinations

St Louis

ok - sorry about all that.

i typed in the pizza line as we were talking and i thought the conversation was over.

then, before she hung up, she said, "well, there's something else."

*bit of background*

the past week or so, we've been exploring the idea of selling our house. i'm of the mind we should sell our house, buy something (if we can find it) that costs about 2/3-3/4 of our house, pay off our debts (which aren't that much - probably less than $5,000), and start socking money away to build a place.

right now, we just aren't able to really build much up financially. plus - my income should start going up here in the next year or two.

mrs' reaction has been, um, interesting. first, flat refusal, then not so much, but - "[she] doesn't want to live in a dump."

here's the idea she wanted to float:

"what do you say we move in with your folks for a year? we can really save a bunch of money."

oh - there she is now...

her mom offered to bring over pizza

so while i was at lunch mrs called ...

after the usual pleasantries, and i informed her i was at lunch (she knew i was going with a friend of mine) she stated, "don't get upset, but i want to float an idea by you"

me: "can i call you back after lunch"

mrs: "well, do you have time now?"

me: "how about i call you back after lunch"

mrs: "it won't take long, just listen."

me: "i'll call you back after lunch"

since the time i got back at the office, i've been in meetings.

she tried to call me twice during my 2:00 meeting.

i tried her about 15 min ago - no answer on our home phone or her cellphone.

ugh, so

i take this girl home after the mountainous meal she consumed and gallons of ritas guzzled while i popped shots of parton like tic tacs and she intives me in cause she is an art collector

i go in, drink a glass of wine

i sit on the couch, the tosses her hamhock over my lap and dives in

i sat down cause i was tipsy and there was red wine involved

dry cleaning is spensive

she sat down next to me and went threw her leg over mine in a lockage move

as i was gasping for air and struggling to move, she slid her hand round back and went for the SWIZZLE!!!!! that is NOT second base!

she had an extremely strong base

Laid hardwood until 11:30 last night

My arm hurts.

And I should have taken pics.

Another dog/Butt Nugget moment

I took the lads to Petsmart last night, and as they start making their usual rounds I notice the one with the poop issues has a turd starting to peek out of his bum. A few steps later it pops out - in mid-stride, no squat. He just keeps walking.

I start heading towards the checkout line so I can get a bag to clean it up when he stops and drops a full load right in the middle of the squeaky toy aisle. A courteous Petsmart employee smiled and told me not to worry about it, she'd take care of it.

I headed straight for the checkout to prevent any further in-store poopage. Poor li'l fellas didn't get to terrorize the rodents like they usually do.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

All I can think is: "that's a lot of exclamation points"

Now that my daughter finally has an email address, she emails me from school about once a week. Here is the one I just got:

"I think I did well on the first part of my Geometry!!!!!!!! One down, one to go; that's all I have for homework, and I feel good about it!!!!!!!!!!! I'll wait another 5 minutes for you to e-mail me back!!
See you later!!!"

so how does that whole post office deal at Durkins work?

"come talk to me, my accent is neat-o"?

or should i just put

*finger guns*

so yesterday afternoon...

my friend from work calls and says, "hey, let's go to Wrigley and scalp bleacher tickets's a beautiful night, etc. etc."

Long story short, I had a lovely dinner at SportsCorner.

I would never doubt that somebody who invited me to a game would have checked to see if there was, in fact, a game. There were 3 of us and we assigned blame 80-10-10.


I just jumped like a freak outside cause i thought the huge bee i avoided brushed against my leg

but it was the dryer sheet falling out of the bottom of my shorts

A quick poem

Josh and Daryl, taken to soon
They were such great pitchers
And now we'll never know what they could have done
One thing we do know, with the Cardinals they would have won.

Cardinals forever, playing baseball in the sky
I just hope the Cardinals fans remember to try
Cherish every moment, because one day you'll die

my adventures tonight:

asked a girl that looked like she was 16 if it was past her bedtime.

needless to say, i am home now.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Just spent over an hour listening to a girl I used to hook up with...

...tell me about how much she's in love with her new boyfriend.

She's 28.

He's 43.

"I miss hanging out with you. Let's have dinks!"

[deadpan] please can we that would be awesome [deadpan]

Everything is coming up

So I had sushi for the first time this weekend

Things I tried:

Pot Stickers Japanese Style ( Fried) Fried gyoza served with gyoza sauce

Soft Shell Crab Tempura soft shell crab

Dragon Maki * Best Seller* Shrimp Tempura, Topped w/ Eel, Cucumber, Avocado & Spicy Sauce

Nigiri Sushi Salmon- Sake

My main dish was Chicken Teriyaki Plate Chicken teriyaki with rice & steamed vegetables, served with Miso soup. They brought the soup out to me without silverware. When I asked for silverware, they dude brought me a miniature fork & knife. Guess I wasn't going to eat the soup.

Overall, not bad. I liked most everything but the salmon piece. Too odd texture-y.