Saturday, May 30, 2009

I've never understood this whole thing where chicks apparently don't blow dudes after they get hitched.

I'm in no position to understand it, I guess, because I waited til I was married, so it's not like there's a way of comparing sex before and after marriage for me. But still, WTF?

Meh, I've had to beg for c*** all my adult life, doubt it will stop any time soon

Also, chicks who don't enjoy cock in their mouth need to get a clue.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Yikes. Could be a hard job to work this summer.

Apparently the pool at our gym is the unofficial hangout place for the Southeastern Michigan Jailbat Association. Eeeek. It's been open a week and already I feel guilty.

Yesterday the Mrs. asked our 5 year old to write a note in the get-well card to my Grandmother

(who is recovering in the hospital). This is what she wrote:

"Grandma GG, I am so so so so sorry that you are almost gonna die."

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Disturbing family secret I learned this weekend

After my maternal grandma died (before I was born) grandpa eventually remarried. I always wondered why they had the wedding in Tennessee. Turns out it was because he was MARRYING HIS FIRST COUSIN. WTF GRANDPA?

So, trading sexual favors for auto repair

What am I gonna have to do for a $1K repair?

I'm definitely out of practice. Shudder to think how sensitive my gag reflex is.

I hope that taking it up the pooper could be something very special between me and the love of my life, but I can't afford a car payment. It's no offense to any qualified auto mechanic who probably doesn't happen to also be the love of my life.

Eh, as I recall, I'm pretty kinky, so I'll be all right

Thursday, May 21, 2009

I've always wondered

How much child porn is going to get you busted. For example let' say a guy looks at porn for 2-3 hours a day..legitimate porn, nothing illegal. And let's say he does this for 2-3 years straight. That is alot of porn on your system. Let's say during a clicking frenzy a pop-up happens (which for those of you that look up porn knows it's going to happen alot) and its of the kid variety. You immediately click it off and continue with your business. Is this going to get you busted?

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

so a friend of a friend's brother is in commercial real estate in CA

and he's been working on an investor for several months to see a large parcel of land that is best viewed by air.

so he charters a small prop plane. on board: two pilots, two real estate guys and the investor. as they are boarding, the guy feels the shot over the bow. but he can't turn back. figures he can back-burner it and unload when they get back. after all, it's a short flight.

as soon as the wheels leave the ground, this guy knows it's over. and it's a bumpy, noisy flight. feels the runaway train coming down the tracks. and at 2000 feet, he opens the bomb bay doors and craps himself.

shock and awe. keep in mind, this ain't Air Force One. it's a teensy plane ( with apparently no toilet. nor Folger's can ). the smell is mind-bending. horrific. nausau is now the big b###h on the plane. extraordinary times = extraordinary measures, so the guy takes off his pants, balls them up and they try to throw it out the window. but it blows back in and all over the place.

the smell, the commotion and the added turbulence has everyone sick. the pilot throws up, the investor throws up and so does everyone else. and they have to emergency land the thing.

instead of the guy landing a $10 million deal, he has to pay $10 K to get the plane professionally cleaned.

Dating Dilemma

I had all but given up on dating as of a few months ago, but recently decided to toss my name back in the hat recently.

I met a girl on Match about three weeks ago, who lives in Northwest Indiana (bout a 35 minute drive from where I'm currently residing). We spoke on the phone a few times and really hit it off. She's only 21 but it became fairly obvious pretty early on that's she was quite "sexually experimental" and a bit on the wild side, but I had no idea of what I was going to find out after a few dates.

The first date we just went out for coffee, where I found out that she's bisexual (LAM?) and also going through the proceedings of a divorce (Anti-LAM). Usually news like this would immediately end my pursuit of said girl, but I carried on, because I quite enjoy her company.

So on our next date, she dropped some additional information on her life. Apparently, her job at a daycare center isn't her only source of income. She has worked for the past six months doing a few amateur-ish porn shoots and a video involving her and another girl. I tried my best to make it seem like I wasn't shocked by this revelation so she continued on...she has been recently contacted by the boss of the guy she's shooting with who wants her to do a video with two guys (big black men down low) and our willing to pay her something like $7,500 for the scene. She hasn't yet decided if she's going to go for it, and asked my opinion...

Now...if you saw this girl, you would NEVER ever think she would be into this. She supposedly attends church every sunday with her Mother, who has no idea shes into anything like this.

My question I continue seeing this girl just for the adventure of it, or do I cut ties and move on?

Also, if she's already told me this much, how much worse is it going to get?

Friday, May 1, 2009

I just hate pompus jack asses that own over rated rip off restaurants

In February (and I wasn't paying thank god) I went with 3 other people to Nobu at the Shore Club on South Beach.

We had to sit *ON* the dance floor, so we couldn't even talk to each other without shouting.

The bill before tip was something like $1,200.

We made the cab go through a burger king drive through on the way back to our hotel just a couple hours later.

I have no use for places like that. I could give a flying #### what my foor looks like. I'm here to eat.