Tuesday, January 27, 2009

You're like arguing with an autistic person.

Autistic people are incapable of comprehending intent or emotion in a comment or statement, which is exactly what you are like.

Monday, January 12, 2009

This prolly isn't an avenue that you, of all people, should pursue.

But given the fact that she's a damn good-lookin' atty that's been married to me for 7 years now (and with me for 10), I'd say I must be doing something right.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

when i was 4 i was prentending to be starsky and went to jump on a

garbage dumpster to avoid an imaginary car that was trying to run me down. in my mind i was going to pull myself above the car as it struck, drop on the hood, roll to the driver's window and punch the thug out. instead the dumpster fell on me. i was rushed to emergency surgery in my uncle's coupe d'ville. i apologized to him for messing up his car. and to my mom for making her cry and to my brother for getting him in trouble ("why didn't you look after your brother?"). then i wouldn't let them take off my shorts because there were women there and they'd see my vienna sausage. then they gassed me and i was in the hospital for 10 days.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

so i'm lying in bed reading stories to my 6 yo last night

and she says " dad, are you here this week?"

"yes, honey, i'm teaching that class at the high school this week, remember?'

"at the high school? which class?'


then she slowly just starts to giggle a little bit, a little more and finishes with a bit of an eye roll.

"help me out, what's up?"

"daaaaad, GIRLS teach music, not BOYS." still giggling a bit.

i took a minute to explain the differences ( of course, GIRLS teach music -- but i'm teaching music HISTORY. much more manly.)

then i slammed the little b###h's head up against her head board and put a choke hold on her until she passed out.