Monday, August 31, 2009

Case of beer, maybe.

Bunch of shots. 8 ball of blow. 3.5 pounds of pulled pork. 6 ears of corn, 6 racks of baby back ribs, 2 racks of St. Louis style ribs, 2 platters of fries, 4 bags of donuts. Probably a 1/4 oz. of weed. 27 jr bacon cheeseburgers. Some speeders. Bunch of whippets. 50 wings in 45 minutes. This was around 5 p.m. 'til about 1 a.m. Then I took some ecstasy and drank some shots of Hot Damn. I don't know what all else I did. There are parts that are fuzzy. I was told I had sex. True story.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I had three big beers

The owner of a small paint shop had his dad pass away yesterday. The lady who runs a local liquor store told me her daughter has been diagnosed with terminal lung disease. Ted Kennedy died. I didn't like the man, but I don't wish death on people. I stopped by the liquor store on the way home with Mrs. The owner said her daughter had some long name lung disease. She used to pull a bottle from underneath the counter and pour me a shot. We have worked out of this paint shop for many years. I just called the kid and told him I was sorry to hear about his dad. As far as Ted Kennedy, I just don't hold a grudge.

We'll just chalk it up to cultural differences

and the fact that, culturally, you suck. I don't take message boards, this one in particular, the least bit seriously. That said, I've wished you were in b###hslappin' distance on more than one occasion.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

When I was little, I used to like to walk through/into clothes racks at the store.

Sometimes I'd hide, sometimes I'd just run around. One time, I accidentally knocked over a huge rack of jeans. That was the end of my clothes-rack spelunking. Once caused my hysteria-prone mother a near breakdown by hiding particularly well. Reason #57 why I won't have kids - payback is a b###h.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

It occurs to me I've only been in love twice in the last 10 years

I'm 31 and have been unmarried that whole time. I guess it's at the same time great and not so great that it occurs so infrequently. Aw hell, now I'm going to have to watch The Notebook tonight.

Monday, August 10, 2009

You are one goddam dumbass MFer.

Do you realize that? You have to be one of the dumbest people I have ever come across in my near 34 years. Sorry for the vitriol, but if you weren't such an @sshole I wouldn't use it. Dumb is probably the wrong word. Ignorant. You are one ignorant ass MFer.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Dear Fat Lady in front of me at the soda/pop/coke fountain,

Do you really need to hold up multiple people to wait for those 3 bubbles at the top of your Coke to dissipate before topping it off? Do you really need to do this 5 times? Does it matter that you already have 32.9 ounces crammed into your 32 ounce cup? Does it matter that your cup ended up so full that you had to delay people further by sipping some before leaving the fountain to avoid spilling? Does it concern you that your fat, clumsy ass proceeded to spill some on the floor anyway? Does it matter your cube is no more than 40 ft from this fountain and that if you do happen to run out it would take you less than 2 minutes to get a refill (assuming there is not another fat b###h like you already at the fountain upon your return)? Does it matter that you could actually use that 80 ft of exercise? Does it matter that the Coke is free?

But I tell you what, I'll forgive all of this if you simply switch your fat ass to diet pop on future visits.



Whose blog is TINA?

I've never heard of it until about 15 minutes ago, when I googled it and found out I was the subject of the latest post.

I realize I have had some problem, and putting them on a message board asking for advice, is asking to get my ass lectured. That's fine. The reason I put my problems out there, is because I don't know any of you and you don't know any of me, so this is a place for unbiased advice. I didn't care if the advice was that I'm a moron, and a screw up, at least it was said to me, for my own good, in the forum that I presented it.

But I don't read this blog, Like I said, I had never heard of it until about 15 minutes ago. I'm never mentioned by name, but it's obvious the post was about me. I don't know whose blog this is, but if you would take that post down, I'd appreciate it. Because no one here knows the whole story, the extent of what has happened to me, and writing about it in a blog without knowing those things is unfair.

I'll say it again, I have no idea who I'm calling out right now, so sorry if I come across as an asshole, but I present my problems to this board because I need advice, and using my issues as a soapbox on your blog is unfair.

EDIT: I won't change anything from the original post, but I didn't get the purpose of this blog or whatever the hell it is when I wrote this. Still doesn't sit well, but that's fine disregard this and I'll get over it, I'm a big boy.