Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I am not very busy at the cracker factory.

Our 10 year old is FINALLY swinging the bat HARD at bat

in games now.

he would swing hard in BP, then slow down his swing in order to make contact. oh, and wait and swing half an hour late.

last game, while in the on deck circle, he got drilled in the back by a foul ball bouncing off the dugout facade. he turned and looked at me (sitting in the dugout), and i said, "good, maybe now you'll get pi$$ed and swing hard at the ball."

i think it made him mad. he went up and pulled one into right.

last night, he hit the ball hard 4 times, went 3-4 with 2 RBIs. 2 doubles, a pop out (dropped his hands), and a single.

he clobbered one right back up the middle - a line drive right at the pitcher's face. the pitcher threw up his glove, and the ball knocked the glove off the pitcher's hand!

as the official scorer, i gave him a hit.

Dear really hot girl at one of my accounts,


I saw you checking out my orange tie, I know you liked it. Yeah, you're engaged, but so what? He don't gots to know. If you were any more in my wheel house we'd be playing put-put right now.

Is there a good reason I stayed out tonight til 4?

Nope. effin alcohol

Sheet... We just had real lightning!

It rocked the house.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Yes, I'm so C-Blocking my one of my good friend on sunday...

eff him he knew he was going to entering dark territory when he atttempts to get my #1 on feasible attainable list. I hope she comes to the party gnikcuf tahssa! Meanwhile, I'm going to try to hookup wih the sorta suicide girl tommorrow hopefully get her to come to the party she knows the guy better afterall he was her student teacher my her seniro yer.

Eat it Douche! FYI: I'm drunk butb not sheets drunk more like Buzzed but I can only squit. aweasome.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Money in my pocket!

Done and paid. The guy offered us a ride on his John Deere gator to view his property. We were too wiped out from painting high walls today. I will have a few miller lites, go to bed early, and rest. Must prepare for the trip to the forest. Saving a lot of money going the week after the holiday. I know I am tight on certain things. Priorities!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Coors Light Song (Babe Ruth version) ounce bats...
wearing lots of hats...
using mustache wax...
and no blacks!

I...LOVE...slatterns with large rumps!
dying young of mumps!
lousy Irish drunks!
and no blacks!


Dinner is served

Mom just called and told me she is bringing over a pot of green beans, potatoes, and polish sausage. Mrs and I are still wiped out from oil priming walls yesterday. Homemade cooking will taste good!

Pot of food just arrived. Talked with mom about an hour. Gave her some wax to rub out a spot on her door. The car in the next spot put a mark on her door at the highrise. Gave her the typical bearhug before she left. I have three women in my life: Wife,mother, and daughter. That is plenty.

so i'm wandering around singing "new kid in town"

i was mainly just singing the chorus. anyway, the six year old is sitting at the table eating his cereal, and i say, "hey sixyearold, guess what?"


*sings* "there's a new kid in town..."

sixyearold: "who is it?"

Sunday, May 21, 2006

I'm freaking sick of soft food.

List of foods to have when I'm fully recovered:
Whole Fruit

Damn it, I'm impatient.

My daughter just bought an Apple computer

She was influenced by her boyfriend, who uses one at work for his computer related designing job. She said it was different. She uses Windows at her insurance company job. She wants her kids to learn to use both systems in grade school. My ex daughter-in-law pushed Windows because of her IBM job. As long as I get along with them, who cares?

Seriously, when did Thora Birch get all growed up?

old sty le

holy @#%$ g;uys, old styles pretty effin good. i really like it. thats my new effin beer. woo old style

look im sitll in high school but alls my freinds have bene saying is how bad it is....@#%$ man that is good stuff.

hey im garduating in like 3 days Uof I baby redmans good stuff too

Friday, May 19, 2006

Got an email apology

for that email response re: "snatches"

Turns out it was the girl's asshat husband who sent it while drinky. Either way, this "apology" stinks (and was forced by his wife)

Has anyone ever had a “few too many beers” and regretted something they did the night before? Ya know, like …sleeping with a guy named Steve, signing up for EEE, rushing the Theta house, experimenting with bi-sexuality, sticking things up your ass…..? Anyway, the point is I don’t need a 12-pack as an excuse for doing something stupid (please see email message below).

Amber – I apologize if you were offended by the words “fucck’n” and “bitch” and the use of them together. I don’t know you and obviously wouldn’t know if you are a bitch or not…..the point is, I thought my email response was funny at the time (because Angie would never say anything like that…think it maybe, but never say it)…..I don’t think you are a loser – maybe after your trip to Vegas, but not the type of person who has a big “L” on their forehead….again, you might be – but I don’t know you. Finally, the last part of the email that I want to apologize for is the part about eating snatches (another word for @#%$). I thought it would. be funny to pay your debt by performing a sexual act in exchange for airfare/hotel/etc….again – this is funny to a guy …..HEY – what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Some of the people that were CC’d on this email know me and understand that I lack common sense and hopefully were not too offended by my little prank. To those who don’t know me, you probably will think that I am a jerk or retarded (no offense to those who are mentally challenged)….the truth is, I can be a jerk, but I was trying to add some comic relief to my otherwise stressful life (at the moment)… your expense

I was asked by Angie to send an apology to everyone because I was told I offended some people. To those people, I am really sorry….

To those who were not offended, @#%$ off – you should be offended!!! I mean come on – I called a person I don’t know a @#%$’n bitch…that is rude and if you thought it was funny, you must be a cold-hearted bitch. (I wrote that so that I could be asked to write another email on Angie’s computer to apologize again)… the way, writing things on other people’s email is pretty fun…kind of like wearing you wife’s underwear when she is not home…..or finding out what all the buttons do with that vibrator with the jelly beans inside it……anyway, I promise I won’t so it again.

If anyone wants to send me a reply, I can be reached at [editted out]

Have fun in Las Vegas and take good care of my lovely wife (she is the most important person in my life and deserves a great time away from this crazy household). Angie – I am sorry if this is not what you expected…..

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

i'm f*cking sick of this s*it

i will they get their heads out their a**es and stop these personal attacks on me all the time.

f*ck this board

Was given two week notice (finally definate) today

over the phone (I work Wednesday-Saturday, 3rd shift). They are moving out what we normally do and bringing in new equipment and people who are familiar with the job. Based on senority...I'm odd man on the totum pole (only been there a year a half while others have 5, 6, 7 years on me)

Here's my question....should I go off on a rant on my final day, or should I play it cool?

I'm not saying I'm going to

I'm going to play it cool for now...but if they decide to play and push my buttons...I have no idea what might come out of my big mouth (as many people here may know...I have somewhat of a temper and short fuse)...but it could be worse. Ask my childhood best friend Scottie.

Here's what happened (I don't know if I told this story before or not):

About the age of 9 or 10, Scott did something to really anger me (I still to this day don't remember what it was). I grabbed a bottle of charcoal fluid and a box of matches and tried to set him ablaze ( I don't condone my fact, I spent a few weeks talking to an anger management counselor regarding that). It took my dad to basically tackle me while I was still squirting the bottle (by this time Scott had run the 5 blocks to his house that would make new world record holder Justin Gatlin blush). I've grown out of that violent, impulsive temper...but it's still there. Just now...I'm able to control it before it gets out of control

Monday, May 15, 2006

This weekend I realized that I don't really like playing... I also realized I REALLY dislike Texas Hold'em.

Exciting fold action!!!

I rather just spend my $50 drinking. That's a Saturday night I'm never getting back.

So I tried a spray-on tanner this weekend

My feet look like I have some weird disease. You can actually see the drip lines on them. Hence why I look like I have some sort of skin pigment discoloration disease or something.

It's a small price to pay for the rest of my body looking tan.

Other than that, I think with a little more practice, I can get it to look like a pretty good tan. I like being tan without all the hours in the sun and the risk of skin cancer.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Here's my resume

*note that it doesn't look like this on paper. It distorts when you copy and paste into a text box.


Bachelor of Business Administration Degree-Management, Robert Morris College
April 2000

Associate in Applied Science Degree-Computer Networking, Robert Morris College
December 1998


Tape Services, State Farm Insurance (Spherion Personnel) November, 2004-Present
Filed away tapes after they ran through tape machines. Boxed up tapes being designated for vaulting purposes. Printed out reports of tapes ran and tapes that are to return to the site. Alerted proper personnel when problems arose with the tape machines or servers.

Handyman June 2002-November 2003
Performed lawn care, computer work, painting, transportation, and house sitting duties to residents of Middletown.

Illinois Department of Revenue (Express Personnel) January 2001-December 2001
Counted inventory around building and made sure items were as listed. Items not on inventory checklist were added on. Scanned tax returns that had a 2D bar code on them. Sorted tax returns based on established criteria. Labeled tax returns with a routing number. Batched tax returns and filed them in correct areas. Detached checks from returns and verified that information was correct.

Computer Assistant, Robert Morris College January 1999-April 2000
Created databases for supplies, license plates, and all items in storage. Wrote memos to members of the faculty and staff. Maintained departmental records and information on computer system.

Library Assistant, Robert Morris College September 1997-December 1998
Assisted the faculty and students with library resources. Checked out materials for students, faculty, and staff via network database. Sorted and coded incoming materials accordingly. Opened and closed library as requested. Issued student identification cards to new students.

Sales Clerk, Lincoln Community High School December 1996-May 1997
Worked in school store as part of marketing class project. Sold school supplies and other items to students, faculty, and staff. Counted weekly income. Maintained inventory. Filed inventory request forms when supply of product was low. Assisted with pricing of products and with development of selling strategy.


Marketing Intern, Morgan Stanley Dean Witter February 2000-April 2000
Arranged speaking engagements for financial advisor. Created worksheets for seminars. Mailed invitations and notices to current and prospective clients. Helped maintain client database. Researched financial accounts and completed gain/loss summaries to send to account holders.

Computer Instructor, The Salvation Army January 1998-June 1998
Instructed and assisted residents with typing and computer programs necessary to find employment outside of the organization.


* HTML * Microsoft Word * Windows 95/98/XP * Microsoft PowerPoint *Microsoft Outlook here's the story

I was coming home from the bars...and I was a block away from home.

There's the apartment complex there on 2nd/Chalmers and they have an underground garage. I tried to jump over it and the last thing I remember is landing and then feeling a ton of pain. I crippled over to the ground.

My friend called 911/the hospital to get an ambulance, but I told them that it's probably just a sprain and to not bother with that. Even though I am absolutely terrified of hospitals, I realized that with the pain I was in, that I probably had done something pretty bad. I have some friends help me to my truck and they drive me to the hospital.

I get there and then I see some blood on my leg, especially around my ankle with a couple of really big bumps (I was hoping they weren't bones trying to poke through, but as I found was).

They took some x-rays and the doc came back to tell me that I hadn't only broken my ankle on one side, I actually had broken the other side as well. So...two broken bones in my ankle.

Before I got to the hospital, I tried to get a hold of my parents and also my boss and his wife because I'm supposed to work tomorrow morning. They gave me a makeshift cast and an orthopedic surgeon is going to call me in the next few days. I'm probably going to have to have surgery in the near future on my left ankle.

It really sucks...I was so happy about all the new health food and all the working out I was going to do this summer...but now I'm going to be in a cast for at least two months. :(

They gave me some drugs, but I cannot take any of them tonight. Told me if I took any of them tonight, I'd probably die (I have been drinking). So...I get to deal with the pain tonight and can take some drugs for the pain sometime tomorrow afternoon. :(

So...yeah, that's the update. Two broken bones in my left ankle and surgery to come soon. :(

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Little help

could some of you in the Central Illinois area keep an eye out for any jobs opening up? Reason is the contract is expiring here in 2 to 4 weeks at my current job (haven't been told exactly when but have been told it is in the immediate future) and I can't be out of work too long because I need to build up some money in order to get an apartment pretty soon.

Also, if you could also keep an eye out on possible apartments for rent? I would really appreciate it since I can't look at everything or know of everything.

Thanks guys and gals!

Friday, May 12, 2006

So I'm thinking about giving up beer for a month

Now that school is done for the semester, I really think I need to try some type of diet. I'm tired of being unhealthy and am so serious about it that one of my options is giving up beer for a while.

Any suggestions for helping me with my beer gut (minus the obvious of doing a lot of sit ups and crunches)?

I also need to find a way to eat healthier without spending a whole lot on food. What are some cheap, healthy things to eat?

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

So, a coworker of mine was up to no good

The office next door to ours has this dude in their window, inside their space.

A couple weeks ago, we dared a coworker to steal it. He'd try everyday to steal it, but never was able to. He eventually did.

We've put him in this disguise in case they ever come looking for him:

We started to wonder if they even know he's gone. Another options we've considered (before the disguise): putting him on the elevator, pushing a couple of buttons for him to stop on the way down.

Dear late 30's guy in Zas....

Just cause I'm standing next to your 20 something girlfriend to get my food, doesn't mean I want to jump her bones. She asked me about my tshirt and you proceeded to make out with her, which everyone including her, thought was uncomfortable.

If I wanted your little gold digger chicken head, I would have taken her.


Thank you, now go pick your salad you rabbit.

I tried making ranch dressing again last night

This version is edible but still not what I'm looking for. This attempt's ingredients:

Hidden Vally Ranch salad dressing packet
sour cream

I think it's something in the Hidden Valley Ranch packet that's giving it the flavor I don't like. I wish Chili's would just post whatever it is that they do for their ranch dressing. It's awesome.

Monday, May 8, 2006


1. I have a date Wednesday night.
2. It's at a dive-y bar, and the chick is pleased to hear that.
3. She already wants to wager on board games, as she's apparently very competitive.

my birthday haul

paid by...myself (how sad and pathetic am I?)

Panasonic Portable CD Player with remote control included

Wireless Music Adapter for the car (so I can play the CD player through my stereo speakers

pack of AAA batteries

Guns N Roses Greatest Hits

box of Runts candy

also went to dinner with the Longhorn Steakhouse right by White Oaks Mall

Thursday, May 4, 2006

The ice cream truck just came by my house

A little bit early I think for that. Playing the same song. My cousin drove one, that was a bicycle type. It had a motor. All his ice cream melted after he drove it all day.

So if you're gonna invite a friend over to play games...

for Friday or Saturday night, should you invite in advance (aka tonight) or just wait til said night (fri or sat)?


yes i am aware this is a stupid question...

Elderly lady

My neighbor across the street is in her 80's and goes on a bus thing to the quad cities every thursday to go on a gambling boat. She left her garage door open all day. I noticed it when we left for work. Should I just go over and shut it? Nice lady and we know her very well and have worked for her.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Pick and choosing customers

We are going to work for my dads former kidney doctor. He took us for a ride on his Deere Gator and showed us his peoperty last time we worked for him. People are fun when they retire.

Dear young lass in front of me at schnucks

your butt was a little too large for your shorts, and i like that. put back the kashi, you can stand to let it jiggle just a LITTLE more. see you in the harvest bread aisle same time next week. yeah, that's right, that was a hungry man dinner in my cart. we can split it over some new music i downloaded today. let's be friends.

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