There was a girl in my gradeschool who really smelled, so they called her Skunk

I really felt bad for her and tried to be nice to her. ...but she REALLY smelled.

While I was parking the van

in front of the business, a guy clipped my mirror with his car. No scratches so we called it even.  He was an old oriental guy.  I was getting ready to parallael park when he came over against me. I hollared his plate numbers to write down. He stopped right away and told me a guy pulled out from a parking spot amd forced him against my vehicle. He was concerned about our safety. I asked him if he had no damage to his vehicle and he said no. My mirror was alright. The old guy was shaken. I said don't worry about it.

made a surprise for my husband. (extreme cocktease/attn whore alert)

He is at work but it is cat vacation on asssmembly line so he has to sit in Safety slide show meetings all 8+ hours of the day all week. He is so very bored.

So i made a sexy text message video for him to watch tomorrow. (Ill send at a break so no one else sees it) it should perk him up for the rest of afternoon.

No,i wont post the video or any pics.

If you just have to make a visual: guilded chair in front of mirror, see through white lace lingerie. I explained what i like and want in detail i think he will be a smiley man all afternoon.

witnessed a wicked crash the other day

some broad tried passing a semi on the right on a 2 lane street right when he was making a wide right turn
it was like the sticker on the back of the truck come to life

timing was just wild
blew her clean out of her shoes
laid her down and she was donked...screaming about revenge and shit

truck driver was frazzled and knocked over a hydrant
he went to light a smoke......i grabbed him.....dude your leaking diesel bro

I had three big beers

The owner of a small paint shop had his dad pass away yesterday. The lady who runs a local liquor store told me her daughter has been diagnosed with terminal lung disease. Ted Kennedy died. I didn't like the man, but I don't wish death on people. I stopped by the liquor store on the way home with Mrs. The owner said her daughter had some long name lung disease. She used to pull a bottle from underneath the counter and pour me a shot. We have worked out of this paint shop for many years. I just called the kid and told him I was sorry to hear about his dad. As far as Ted Kennedy, I just don't hold a grudge.

Go blank yourselves

You and some of your brethern need to stay the f^ck away when Weber turns this around starting next year. The bandwagon is closed for some of you. Enjoy this year while you can as some of you will not be able to show your pathetic heads when we are winning again. Somehow, I bet we see alot of new 'members' next year.

All right, so, God looks around and sees that pretty much everyone sucks,

all except this Noah dude. God figures, "Peh, I'm starting this thing over from scratch. You, Noah--you're the new Adam for the soggy postapocalyptic world. So, build this enormous boat thing to live in for a while. Oh, and while you're at it, can you get some animal-kingdom progenitors to hop aboard with you? Just two of each living thing, that's all. What? Dude, you're going to be surrounded by water, there will be places to put all the poop and pee. Nah, really, don't worry about the smells--I'll take care of all that. No, seriously!"

So Noah conscripts his family and gets to work on building a huge boat. I guess they didn't have much call for boats back then, or at least big ones, because his neighbors were all like, "You're nuts."

Pretty soon it starts raining, and Noah and his family and his wild kingdom board the ark. Or maybe they went in before the rain started, I've always been fuzzy on that detail.

It keeps raining and raining, to the point where all the land is covered. IOW, everything's dead except what's floating in the boat. Meanwhile, they're all getting REALLY sick of each other.

Eventually, it seems that the rain has stopped, so Noah sends a dove out a few times, and on one trip it comes back with an olive branch, which is assumed to signal that the water has gone down enough that at least one olive tree is visible. How it survived a catastrophic flood, I'm not sure. But we're talking about a whole bunch of animals and people living in a boat for a month, so I'm not gonna lose the forest for the trees here.

Then they get out and there's a rainbow.

The end!

Fritz needs a bath. He stinks. He loves the water, but somehow, when

it's associated with a tub and taking a bath, he's not too fond of it. He behaves during the bath, but I have to lift him into the tub. That's not easy due to his size.

I Love Kids.....all colors, sizes, etc.....

.....and I love parents who take care of them no matter how many they have. Having worked with the progeny of broken families for many years it is always refreshing to see people who enjoy and value their children.

Solution: Bubbles

I've never once seen a child not stop and be amazed when bubbles are blown. Even the most un-rulely child will be mazeraized (sp) by them.

And you don't need to worry about the 3oz thing, there are small containers that they give away at weddings that hold just enough liquid to do the trick.

I once say a lady do that in the waiting area when there was a mother with 5 really poorly behaving children. The whole area was thankful for her quick thinking. And ever since then, I've kept some in my desk draw at work and with my carry-on toilettries (again, sp).

Works everytime.

what gift would you get your boss for his bday?

I was thinking a nice bottle of J Walker

Got a guy arrested tonight.

So going back to work after dinner break and right by my house this guy has his package just wipped right out!!!

Just so happens firemen are returning to station right next to me down the block. I flag them down and tell them the situation. Turns out he makes a vulgar display when he walks past them.

a 911 call later and a trip back home to the fiance to give her the heads up, I stop by the fire station to thank them when the guys returned from going after him!

They gave the cops his location and 20 min later they call me to sign papers for a report.

what a wierd night, to end a hectic week!!

p.s. they had multiple reports of this guy doing that sort of thing in the area before, good to finally get him.

A tribute....

Eventhough it looks gruesome. I am chosing to remember him as the guy who left everything in the ring and got standing ovations even when he lost. He is in my all-time top 5 favorite perfomers.

That being aid, I hope we learn all the details of what happened because I would hate to have his legacy tarnished by assuming he just snapped and killed his wife and son. I am not condoning killing someone, but I would like to know why.

Chris and Woman, taken to soon
They were such great rasslers
And now we'll never know what they could have done
One thing we do know, with the WWE they would have won.

Wrestling forever, sleeper holds in the sky
I just hope the Wrestling fans fans remember to try
Cherish every moment, because one day you'll die

One time a homeless person asked me for money so they could buy lunch.

I went into a taco bell and ordered 2 soft tacos. They gave me taco supremes with sour cream. I showed them the mistake and they made me new ones but did not collect the sour creamy ones.

I then tried to give the sour creamy tacos to the homeless person outside. She refused to take them. I gave her an evil look and said, "You just asked me for something to eat and now you are turning it down. You are crazy."

She then took the sour creamy tacos and thanked me.

I hope she got sick!

i know nothing about computers...

but i will let you know there are plenty of decent, basic laptops under 1k these days. i will leave which ones are good up to the experts.

What Would you like to see?

OK, since I am planning (the key word here is planning, because I don't know what my nights will look like in the coming months, but they have been real work related since April) to do a complete redesign.

I have a few ideas of things that I think will work out well, but I would like to get some input, too.

On the plans now are a complete renovation of the Daily News Links, because that code has been sitting there for the last 6 years now, and never updated since it was first written. It works, but there are some things that can be done to make it even better now.

Other than that, I don't know what else people would like to see. I have guesses, and I think my guesses are pretty good when it comes to stuff like this, but I will see.

So, now is your chance, what do you want to see? If you could change something, what would you change?

Any answer is valid, though some may be less valid than others.

Geez the new guy stinks. I'm gonna have to put

up an air freshener in my cube. I have to hold my breath every time he asks me a question.

How would you bring this up to a co-worker? We had a stink intervention for a roommate of mine in college. That didn't go so well and almost ended up coming to blows. I don't want to have that experience with a co-worker.

holy sllab am I tired.

That was a good 20 hour day yesterday, 4 hours of sleep, and back at it. I love National Championships, though.

From the newbie in town, a question...

What's this board all about, anyway? And i'm perfectly happy to be a serf... no queen status necessary (Jackie, Holly, Doy, Erin, et. al.)

So I'm coming out of retirement tonight.

Joining the company softball team mid-season. They are bad. I predict I go hitless with a few errors in the field. 50/50 that I get hurt at some point too.

Oh, I plan on being lazy and showing no hustle. I still think I'll hurt myself.