Friday, May 27, 2011

i am sufficiently boozed to ask: is there a proper way to ask out a worker at panera?

this girl is some sort of day manager but usually is working behind the counters or in back. but she kills me. so cute and friendly to people.

(and she's well over 16 creepers)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

How come the threads I click don't turn green anymore?

Haven't since I switched phones?

I mean orange.

Sometimes I get green and orange mixed up and call one or the other by the wrong name.

Monday, May 9, 2011

First, let me say I'm an animal lover.

I'm not big on pets -- not from an animal rights perspective -- because they are smelly, dirty and they eff up their things. And I'm done for cleaning up other people's poo (with one exception, which hopefully won't be an issue soon).

So when I go to the zoo (pre-kids), the discussion always was on a 1-10 scale, the likelihood of killing an animal with a baseball bat. you are wearing jeans and a long-sleeve T-shirt. It sparks good discussion. I think a leopard clocks in around where your high school batting average was + .1, multiplied by 10.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

im not saying i would relish the challenge

but just that at the end of the day in a kill or be killed scenario it would not be a good match up for the dog. yes he might bite my arm, but i could easily club the shit out of him with my other arm. more likely it would KO it. dogs have really small heads. im not sure they could survive a solid punch.

yeah, but even at 100lbs its still 80+ lbs less than me. and like 4 feet shorter. and very limited...

it might get in a good bite or two, but even if it jumped up on me, i could jump use the leverage to slam it to the ground. game over. it doesnt make sense to me that this is remotely controversial.

if it's biting your throat, it would be easy to grapple the dog and break its neck at that point, and thats assuming i didnt preempt a bit with a forearm or punch. obviously ive never engaged in this kind of combat, but i dont really see any scenario where a dog could kill me.

im pretty realistic. probably maxing out at the dog. some of the smaller predatory cats, maybe. id like think a smaller bear, like a black bear.... in the right circumstances could be feasible... but idk enough about their capabilities to say for certain.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Premature closure update:

Just got a call from the painter guy wanting to set up a time to assemble furniture. So, that's gonna get done. Yay.

Whilst discussing price:

Me: How much do you want for this?
HPG: I dunno, what do you think?
Me: I seriously have no clue. I don't know how long it will take, what's involved, whatever.
HPG: Uh, maybe like $30?
Me: That seems kinda chintzy. How about $40?
HPG: Interesting. I was hoping you'd go down instead of going up.

OK, now even I have to admit he probably wants to do me.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Yup, they're all done now

In theory he's coming back tonight to assemble some furniture for me.

Yeah, we'll see.

People, please never question my instincts in these things. You will never believe how tragicomic my "love life" is because you cannot experience it yourself, and it truly must be experienced to be believed.