Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Oh man...Dixie Truckstop is on fire!!!

just came over the scanner.

That sucks!!! Place had pretty good food and has been there forever

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

mrs. and i went to the DC car show saturday. it was MOBBED. wall to wall humanity.

as we stepped off the escalator a woman in her mid-late 30s was standing at the bottom causing folks to basically have to walk around her to get off the escalator.

as I walked by her she cupped her hands to her mouth and shouted IN MY EAR...... "DANNY.....DANNY!!!" and then 2 seconds later, Danny, who was standing 4 feet away appeared.

when I say "in my ear" I'm not exaggerating. my ear literally was ringing for about 10-15 seconds. I practically pooped my pants b/c i wasn't expecting someone to shout into my ear.

as i got about 5 feet away i shouted sarcastically, "THANKS!" and kept walking. case closed as far as I was concerned.

but no, she then shouted "I WAS LOOKING FOR MY SON, A-HOLE!" (right in front of the kid).

I was planning to keep walking but felt the need to turn back, take a few steps towards her and say "Nice language. The mom of the year voting is on the 2nd floor. You've got my vote".

Not my best comeback......but my ear was still ringing and I was more shocked that instead of just apologizing or ignoring me, she dropped the a-hole bomb in front of the kid. YES, I understand losing a kid for a few seconds can freak a parent out. but that doesn't mean you block the escalator and shout in people's ears without at least apologizing.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Got ahold of a female friend's cell phone tonight at dinner

She got a random text from a co-worker and I started texting the dude raunchy stuff. He ended up sending a pic of his junk to her.

It was pretty funny.

There is going to be total awkwardness at their work tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I messed up big time

My son won some tickets to a University of Evansville Women's basketball game that was played last Sunday. He didn't really want to go and I didn't feel like driving an hour down there either. My wife tried to get us to go but we went over to grandpa's woodshop instead and messed around all afternoon.

I found out today that his name was scrolled on the scoreboard during the game. He was also called down to participate in some sort of half time contest. He won the tickets in some reading contest at school. If Mrs. finds out about this, I am dead.

One winter I was working at FS

filling anhydrous tanks for farmers. I climbed up one tank with the hose in my right hand and tried to pass it to my left behind my back.

In the process, I turned the valve and it sprayed anhydrous all over the back of my legs. I howled and hauled ass across the lot to where we had a big trough full of water. I had to punch through the ice, drop my pants down around my ankles and start splashing water on the back of my legs.

It was about 30 degrees outside. Fortunately I was alone so no one saw my painful humiliation.

That night I had huge blisters on the backs of my legs and I couldn't work for several days.

About 15 years ago when I was working on soil sampling rigs,

my parents bought me a new set of Carhartt bibs and a coat for Christmas. They were great. That January I was doing some work near Ottawa, IL when it warmed up over a long weekend, got muddy and then refroze, freezing the augers to the ground (augers = fluted pipes used to drill, about 5 feet long). The drillers put a large propane torch in one end an auger in an attempt to unfreeze it. Really hot air was blowing out the other end, so I moved over in front of it to stay warm while I made some notes.

What I didn’t see were the flames from the torch were traveling all the way down the auger. After a minute or so I noticed that I had set my self on fire. The drillers helped put me out but not before the fire had burnt off the bottom front half of my new Carhart bibs. Needless to say, the drillers were amused. They had to stop working for a while to get over it.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

i have perhaps an odd and personal lesbian question

as a gross man fully aware of how nasty the thing is between my legs, i just can't imagine getting closer than an arm's distance from it.

and, as a man with probably reasonable exposure to the female "region" , i am not especially a fan. (babies come out of it...)

so my question to any possible lesbians on this board: when you got your first close-up, was that a little surreal?

kind of like feeding a burger to a cow?

Friday, January 4, 2008

So one of my toenails is kind of dead from running

and having a ski boot dropped on it a couple of years ago. It felt like it was going to fall off again, so I took of my shoe and sock to look at it and there was a dog hair stuck under it.