when i was 4 i was prentending to be starsky and went to jump on a

garbage dumpster to avoid an imaginary car that was trying to run me down. in my mind i was going to pull myself above the car as it struck, drop on the hood, roll to the driver's window and punch the thug out. instead the dumpster fell on me. i was rushed to emergency surgery in my uncle's coupe d'ville. i apologized to him for messing up his car. and to my mom for making her cry and to my brother for getting him in trouble ("why didn't you look after your brother?"). then i wouldn't let them take off my shorts because there were women there and they'd see my vienna sausage. then they gassed me and i was in the hospital for 10 days.