I must apologize

My daughter called after we came home from work. We crowded 5 days work into 4 days. She started asking my wife about babysitting, going places with her, etc. I went off! Must spend quality time with Mrs instead of just working with my wife. My daughter doesn't understand that, since she broke up with her boyfriend. I will apologize to my little girl and go on with it. Can't keep my mouth shut, like my dad.

Confession (with apologies to my mom):

(Mom, if you are reading this, I didn't mean for you to find out like this.)

When I was 13 years old, I told my mom that my sleeping bag got burned up from laying it to close to a campfire, so I had to throw it away.

Here's what really happened: My friends talked me into sneaking 2 babyfood jars full of assorted liquors from my dad's bar to our campout. To hide them, I carefully rolled them into my sleeping bag. By the time I got to my buddy's house, both jars had broken and my sleeping bad smelled like a still.

I panicked and came up with the idea to burn the evidence in the campfire that night. (Note to others who might want to try this: sleeping bags are made of some super space-age flame retardant material that can't be burned.) After the bag was done smoldering, we hid it in my buddy's hayloft, where it probably still sits today.

Cannot believe it's only midnight

This night has gone by very slowly, but I'm having a good time talking with people and drinking some scotch.

***Now drinking***

It is my sincere hope that during the 4th of July

this man's anthem celebrating freedom is played across this great nation...

I think my friend totally wants me.

First off, I need to mention that the waitress wanted me. Anyway, I've done lunch with this female friend before and it hasn't been a big deal. She seemed a little overly annoyed that the waitress was digging me, but I didn't think too much of it. Then when the check came and my friend insisted on paying. She wouldn't let me put in any money. What do you guys think?

I'm thinking this haircut is really working overtime for me. I didn't even think it was a particularly good haircut.

Don't worry, I'll leave some ladies for the rest of you.

Girls are so disgusting! :P

Got a call from our neighbor last evening (about 30ish and quite attractive). She was in a panic because water was leaking from the ceiling and her husband was on another of his long, out-of-state business trips. Well, I had just gotten out of the shower, so I threw on some shorts and ran over to her house.

I told her that she was lucky I was home because I usually work late on Wednesday nights. She said she knew I was home because she had seen me chopping some firewood in the front lawn earlier in the evening. I apologized for wearing just shorts, and explaned that I was preparing to finish the oil painting I had started a few weeks back.

I immediately thought it might be condensation leaking from her A/C unit, because I am quite handy around the house. So, I climbed up the attic ladder and found that it, indeed, was an overflowing A/C pan. In no time at all, I had emptied the pan and repaired the ceiling.

Needless to say, it was very hot in the attic. By the time I was done, rivulets of my exertion were cascading down between my chiseled pecs and rippling over my abs like a raft over whitewaters.

As I descended from the attic, she exclaimed that I was a lifesaver, and asked how she ever repay me. When I turned to tell her that repayment was not necessary, I caught her staring at my buns! She blushed and turned away. I grabbed my tool... the one I used to patch the ceiling... and went home.

Kinda creeped me out.

So, I got caught singing in the car again this morning...

yep, and it was to "Since U Been Gone."

It wouldn't have been so bad, except my windows were rolled down and so were hers.

If all I did was drink water with blue food coloring in it

for a day, would my urine be blue?

Similarly, if all I ate for a day was foods that were blue due to blue food coloring, would the poop be blue? I think it would be funny to poop and pee like a smurf for a day. Thoughts?

boarderline drunk and the wife is pissed

that I stayed after my softball game and drank. I mean WTF am I supposed to do after softball?

We have talked this out, she is pissed because I didn't call to tell I was staying but.......women...........Good Lord, women.

I think I need to go to bed.

Embarrassing fact about me:

I always forget to return the "how're you?" Whenever somebody asks me, I always go "fine..." and then by the time I think "Idiot! Ask how THEY are!" the moment has passed.

When I'm in the men's room, the dude next to me will compliment me on my sinep, and I will completely forget to return the compliment.

And when someone says "bless you" after I sneeze I totally ignore 'em. WTF is that? Shut TF up. All I did was sneeze. Get outta my face with that sh*t.

Lower back has been hurting for a couple weeks

Shoes, bed, I don't know. Even hurt while we were riding bikes last weekend. Must have lifted something. Any suggestions?

Boys are disgusting! :P

So today I'm just walking to my car, minding my own business, and I see this one guy glance at my hips. That is SO GROSS and it creeped me out! I hope he couldn't tell that I wasn't wearing any underwear!

I was sucking on a water bottle. He probably liked that too! Dirty old man!!

lol j/k hrmph

Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser = MONEY !!!

for $2.59 I got four of these "erasers" and I was able to clean up my walls that had stains from Blue's toys, dirt, etc.....that normal cleanser wasn't able to clean.

The Magic Eraser and Goo Gone are the two things everyone needs in their house...hands down!

EFF YOU, SNICKERS

I enjoy the Almond variety as much as the next guy-who-used-to-like-Mars-bars, but that does NOT make up for putting caramel in the damned Crunchers!

So our cat ran away last night and as of now

is not back yet.

Is it bad, I really don't care?

Based on past cat I am sure he will show back up in a few days.

I swear if my damn phone doesn't stop ringing...

...I might get, like, really upset!

Jesus H. We've gotten like a dozen calls already today.

Guys are gross

So I'm taking advantage of the Mc Donald's Summer savings deal of 69 cents for a vanilla cone or 42 oz soft drink. I usually just get a diet coke, but today it was warm and i was kinda hungry and i'm going from babysitting to bradley to work and I thought 'i'll get a diet coke and an ice cream cone'

So I'm eating my ice cream cone at the light and I notice that the truck next to me is pulled up right beside me even though my car is several cars back. He is in the turn lane. So I think to myself 'he isn't going to get a turn signal sitting way back here' and I glance over. And what do I see but two grown men STARING at me, BOTH of them! They were at least in their 30s, probably 40s and they were watching me eat my ice cream cone! I put the cone down and looked in the mirror (giving them the benefit of the doubt that I may of some on my face or something). When it was apparent I wasn't going to be eating my cone again anytime soon they slowly rolled forward to the light.

I then continued to eat my ice cream cone.

why do parents like to get invovled?

just finished freshmen year of college and parents are still dictating life...couldnt go to chicago with this girl from school, because her parents dont kno me and im just a "guy", so you know what that means!

i hate people who don't just tell me why they are ignoring..

but i heart Law and Order SVU and my totally cute puppy Ally!!!

I also hate that I care so much too!

confession:

Taz is hot.

Note:

It was a totally inappropriate response for the guys playing dice to pull their gats after Warren G. said "What's up?"

Just ignoring him or perhaps even inviting him to join in the fun would have resulted in far fewer bodies turning cold.

ugh...someone is doing laundry when i need it!!

now i'm going to have to bring my clothes home to my parents house with me so I can wear what i need to on Saturday and Sunday for work!!!

Also...running and then going straight to the grocery store bad idea...almost dind't have enough cash on me!

Still need to figure out a name for the place

Tanktops

Why won't my wife let me wear them in public. Not as bad as wifebeater shirts.

I can't see very well today.

I'm guessing fatigue... and a general sub-par level of ocular acuity.

So this dude rolls up to me and gives me the finger guns

I have no clue who it is, so I go with the casual head nod thinkin he'll realize I am not who he thinks I am

he rolls down the window, so I do the same

He just yells..."you tha man!" and drives off

so I had to give him the guns back


either my memory is fading, or there is a random finger gun bandit in town

I hope it's B

Dear pork fried rice,

You are delicious, but could you please cool down? I really want to eat you, but your burned my mouth once, and I just don't want to get burned again.

I love you

One of my coworkers got engaged over the weekend.

All the other women working at the gym then proceeded to crowd around her and ask a bunch of asinine questions. The scene looked like a bunch of chickens squawking at a feed trough.


Does this always happen, or is it just my coworkers?

two songs I wish I could play on my gee-tar

Landslide (pumpkins version)
Hallelujah (Buckley version)

Both are too hard for me. :(

Today's Farmers Market haul:

3 heads of baby lettuce
strawberries
sugar snap peas

I've never had sugar snap peas but I've heard they're a great snack. Is there a good way to prepare them or should I just clean them and eat them? I'm assuming it's like eating edamame... don't eat the shell. Is that right?

my new approach...

all guys are @ssholes until they prove they are not

florida

I just want to get out of Florida there is a tropical depression and my grandpa is in the hospital!! My flight isn't until 8pm tonight!!!

Oh and it's raining out and it was suppose to be fun today!!!

Popcorn makes my poop hard.

Orvilles is the best.

Why do I do this to myself?

Started doing some pricing for DishTV and DSL and basically was depressed to find it would cost over $100. Now granted, I don't even have the house yet and for that matter, don't even have a job lined up, but it always seems that I do this. I mean...my god....I have 15 f'n applications out there and have gotten back 3 rejection letters...and 5 or 6 that I sent out back in Mid May, I have yet to even hear a "NO" from them.

I'm truly starting to feel that I will never have steady work. Only places that have hired me are temp agencies and I'm only there about a year or so as it always seems I get put in a place that has a contract coming due soon.

Maybe it's because I refuse to do factory work or be a sales rep. I'm not a salesmen....and as for factory work...I'm about as coordinated as Chevy Chase's portrayal of Gerald Ford.

Arrrrghhhhhh!!!!!!!

And I know I'm going to hate living with my mom and her boyfriend...can't stand his smoking...but right now I have no other alternative other than sleeping in the street. And now...I don't even know when the house I am supposed to be renting will become available. Seems like no one can make up their flipping minds anymore.

You will never believe what I just saw

in the parking lot of the local Food Lion! I saw a mother, helping her son pee in the parking lot. She was using the old, two open doors shield going on, but there he was, wetting the pavement. WTF is this world coming to.

666! Happy Prince of Darkness Day, kiddos!

colleges students love keysotn

right??????? its a great beer

Watched the spelling bee today

A lot of Greek words. The vowels are the trick letters. I remember standing on both sides of the classroom in grade school. My wife is a good reader, but she says she cannot spell. Go figure.

so, are samir patel and bobby jain the biggest chokers

since dan and dave?

i'm sure abc is upset those two aren't in the final round for the prime time.

effing gujus...

desi kids can be southie or guju or pnujabi or a whole bunch of other types. i would say southies and bengalis are the most intellectual as a whole. i wouldn't go so far as to say the "brains." it's amazing some of the business decisions i've seen some of these people make (of course, that's the guju in me speaking.)

i think a lot of that correlates to how the cultures treated the english language after the british left. while south indians and bengalis kept teaching english in schools, there was a backlash in gujurat. of course, the stereotypes of gujus and maharastrans being more businesslike and southies and bengalis being more intellectual goes back before british rule.

of course, then you have the jains, whom joel kotkin called the jews of india. supposedly got the brains and the dimes. my family only got the former.

So I need some advice re: rent...

I found this place last night that I posted about last night. I love it. It has everything I want and the girl that owns the house seems really cool and I think we'd get along well. At the end of the tour, she tells me all about herself and her family and then she lays the cost of rent on me. It's a little more than I'm wanting to pay (honestly I'm not quite sure at the moment how I'll afford it), but I just said "ok."

I'm not much of a negotiator, but do you think it's worth me asking if she'll knock off $50 or so?

Sidenote: the part that really got me was when she said she could afford to pay the mortgage on her own, but she's hoping to buy a BMW by next May... makes me less sympathetic...