Kissing a girl. chicks, have you?

Yes. Just once. Kissing with a tiny bit extra. Had I not been drunk and high on top of that it would have not happened. She came onto me and I gave in. Interesting experience but not as good as kissing a guy (IMO). I like the control and dominance a guy just has naturally.

Howevs, it was pretty hot. Woman are beautiful and i can appreciate, But it's just not my cup of tea. I love sinep.

Embarassing. I have this weird habit of playing with scotch tape all day at work

Maybe because I'm on the phone so much it gives me something to do, but I roll it up and play with a single piece of tape for up to an hour.

Sometimes, when I have to type, I will stick it on my desk, a pad of paper or sometimes even on my person.

My boss just had a 5 minute conversation with me and then asked why I had a piece of scotch tape in the middle of my forehead.

Oof. I need a vaca.

ua_dk

Morning after pill etiquette

Do you have to hang out with a chick both nights of the Hormone roller coaster?

Is one night good enough to limit the bad karma?

Hung out 3 times. Slept together all 3 of them.

Just sharted at Walmart

not good

actually, not a shart but a variation on a theme: trundled quickly into Walmart's RRs up front, occupied. Figured u could make it to the rear (and always superior) thrones next to Layaway. Lots of starts/stops while Charlie chaplaining it. At jeans, bit down hard on the sphincter but the runaway train was too much. Painted a stripe.

In other news , maroon wife beaters on sale

Trivial happiness

when you pee in the morning, and it splits into two streams, and then you remember that you had xes the night before.

when you do it and then fall asleep, whatever didn't come all the way out dries up in your pee hole area, and then when you pee it take awhile for your peestream to force the hole alls the way open, so your stream is crazy for a a few seconds.

Got slapped by an old man today

Over my tie knot (four in hand). Apparently I need to learn the windsor. Getting dressed is hard.

Question for the cat owners

When you clean the litter box, does the cat run in the room and stare at you? I feel like she's saying "Yeah, that's right you asshole.....clean my poop!"

i've had a ####ing bat roost erected for 2 years, and not one single bat has chosen to reside

screw you, you Stevie Wonder, feathered, winged, bipedal, endothermic egg-laying, vertebrates. I've got plenty of mosquitoes, but you are hosing yourself by not living here. Good luck getting dinner. Chick-Fil-A is closed on Sundays, ####ers.

So an ex of mine had a baby today. The couple decided if girl she names it, boy he does

The boy's name is Archer....after Sterling Archer.

DANGER ZONE!

stupid move of the day

Texting Isher about Curtis orchard and whether or not they have cider donuts. Isher sends a funny reply so I decide to forward it to the wife.

I accidentally chose her work number. No one is there, so Sprint does a text to voice thing where it reads the text onto a VM. So the first person in on Monday will play this message.

"#### YES THERE ARE CIDER DONUTS"

flying cat
ua_dk

I've been thinking for a while about pulling all my old childhood stories into one place

I figure they might make for an interesting addition to my future grandkid's 5th grade geneaology project. Anyway, it's mostly for my own entertainment, but, if you are interested, here is a link:

http://growingupphilo.blogspot.com

A lot of my wife's family worked at a Cargill plant in havana, ill

They brought home some good stuff for the holidays. My brother in law said they have very sharp knives. Mrs sister's husband is a supervisor there. Hates mexican rap music in the parking lot.

Sitting next to Alaska Air CEO

No idea how to chat him up.

Flight crew is fawning over him, combined with Google search. Overheard part of a conversation, asked the flight attendant.

Not in first class, and just thought he would be an interesting person. CEO flew coach, I think it sends a bad message if he doesn't.

So we have a new neighbor. he moved here from Italy during the winter. last night he mowed his lawn

just completed an epic breakup

this girl was the love of my life... but it got to a point tonight where i came to a cross roads, and i know i took the right path. the lines i was dropping... like a movie script. really weird feeling now.

this girl legitimately had mental issues. which in a way i was attracted towards. but it did kind of diminish the exhilaration of my break up speech... because she was trying to cut herself and obviously i couldnt let that happen.

the cutting started on sunday, taking the biggest knife she could find and locking herself in the bathroom. i broke in and she sliced her leg on the inside of the shin about 5 times. did it again monday, and tried to last night. it was just bizarre.

i am concerned for her, but i think mostly it was an attempt to make me feel guilty and apologize for calling her out on her dishonesty. and for anyone out there, i was doing everything i could to de-stress this girl.

its funny because my night with riff raff chick was precipitated by love of life getting with some other guy. yes... i ended up paying for it. $400 at planned parenthood. she was allegedly going to pay me back... but she was never big on living up to her word.

Getting tired of the "I'd sleep with them!" excuse for these awful lists

*Of course* I'd sleep with them. Shorn from morality, marriage, the fears of pregnancy and disease, and blessed with better looks, I'd sleep with 85% of the women at most bars on Friday or Saturday night. If Maxim were going to run a "The IB Would Sleep With List" the thing would look like the f'ing Thomas Register, and there'd be some awfully gamey selections towards the end of that book. I know they can't put out a list consisting of "that MILF who sat in front of you at the theater" and "the one chick they showed three or four times during the Alabama/Auburn game last year." But come on, some of these women are 7s. Are there really only 26 or so 10s in America? We can do better! We must do better.

it doesnt need to be rehashed...

but the bottom line is im taller, im stronger, im smarter... its just not a good matchup for any dog.

you know what #### it...

you and that ####ing taint nugget of a human can have this place.

ban me and the IP please.