Friday, July 30, 2010

Let me tell you the story of a good friend of mine (y'alls'll enjoy this)

    So I have this good friend Matt. When he was in high school, he dated this girl named Kelly for four years. And we were all pretty sure that Matt would end up marrying Kelly. (Kelly was a twin, this is important information for later on)

    But Kelly didn't like giving blowjobs. She liked to have her yssup eaten, but refused to return the favor. And as a Catholic, she was opposed to pre-marital sex. In four years, she never once touched Matt's kcoc. But he ate her close to every day during their four year relationship.

    Something happened that caused them to break up. Kelly then met a guy. Matt went looking for Kelly one night (nothing deranged, he was just in jumpingdan's "I want her back" shoes). Matt calls Kelly's twin, and her twin (who wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed) mentions that ON THE FIRST DATE, Kelly gave this new guy a blowjob.

    Matt was livid. How did he respond? Well, after he was talked out of killing the new guy, he started to bone anything that moved.

    He did a cougar in his parents bed. He did the same cougar in her hot tub. He was in ROTC in college, and after college was stationed in Manhattan, Kansas, where he almost knocked up the widow of an Iraq veteran. He had multiple three ways and four ways while in college. He's now in Texas and sent pictures of him boning two large breasted chicks in the bathroom of a bar. He also got a blowjob from the bridesmaid I was with during a mutual friend's wedding.

    He, in short, turned into a sex fiend.

    And then, he met a girl who he really likes and who likes to bone and give bjs and then bone some more.

    What's the point of this story? I don't think there is one. I just like telling it.


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