so on my way to my hotel, i felt a little knock

at the back door.

and i thought "it can wait. " brimming with unfound confidence, i actually worked a brief stop at the local drug store to pick up a case of bottled water.

getting out of the car, the itinerary suddenly changed and i charlie chaplined it to the back of the store where the dreaded unisex solo bathroom came into view.

locked. i stood there for a minute, then two and then what seemed like a month and a half. and the pharmacist says "it's always locked. here's the key" and pointed to the key which was, i kid you not, chained to a large plastic fish bowl.

by now i'm touching cotton and can't open the effin' door. " Gotta loosen up a little on the key. it's kind of tricky" he says. beautiful. Finally, i get in, create havoc and then hear someone trying to get in.

why a friggin DRUG STORE bathroom wouldn't have a can of Glade on deck, i don't know. so in an obvious futile gesture, i just soaped my hands and started waving my hands in the air like freaking' Arthur Fiedler. just hoping the soap molecules would attach themselves to the poo molecules.

meanwhile, the door knob keeps jigglin. Finally, i brave the elements and walk out, fish bowl in hand, and just about collide into a stunning 20something blond who rushes past me ( obvio, no eye contact ) into the violated area.

i bee-lined right out of the store and drove 10 miles to pick up my water.

poor lass. i'm convinced she'll never have sex with a man again ( sorry, taz ) .