Thursday, August 30, 2007

Observations from a 6th grade back-to-school open house

1. Holy hell do parents flock to these things. It must be guilt, because most parents have to realize by now that there isn't much information disseminated that didn't already arrive in the form of a handbook. The looks on everyone's face was more "why are we here again?" than "fascinating - they'll be learning the scientific method!"

2. To the LAM lady in the back with her daughter on her lap: STFU. Seriously. The only reason you asked the book report question was so that you could announce "LAM - my daughter reads 400 page books". And please realize that having your 6th grade daughter sit on your lap whilst you hug her during a beginning-of-school open house did more social damage to her than if you had arrived naked. It might have been OK back in 2nd grade, but your daughter's white face should have told you that you are subjecting her to a year of "lap-sitter" jokes.

3. On behalf of all parents, my apologies to you, Miss 22 year-old first-year English teacher. You had to deal with LAM lady AND the woman taking notes and asking about the percentage breakdown between fiction and non-fiction book reports. The fact that she tried to bust you out on the total number of non-fiction in-class book reports required by the end of May ("But earlier you said...") just was an attempt to show everyone that she had taken notes at the beginning. Your "it's in the manual that you have in your hands" response was $$. Good work.

4. To the parent who busted out her daughter by asking the library question - bravo. You knew it last year when your daughter used the "I can't find the non-fiction books, and there isn't a librarian there when I'm there" excuse that it was full of holes. Choosing to use the open house to bust out your daughter was well done - lesson learned. When the teacher responded "we have not one but two full time librarians", you're daughter's face got whiter than the lap-sitter's.

5. To the "Shhhhh!!!" lady - seriously, give it a rest. We know it's a quick shot of adrenaline to get to sit in one of those tiny chairs again and get your shhhh on, but everyone resents you now even more than they did back in 1983. ShhhTFU.

No comments: