If I ever stop sending those e-mails I hope somebody puts me out of my misery. It's pretty much boiler plate these days:
Sorry for (urinating/throwing up) (on your floor, in your bathroom, on your couch) last night. I'll be over (today/tonight/tomorrow) with (breakfast/lunch/dinner) and (lysol/fabreeze) as soon as I (sober up, wake up, get out of jail, get out of the hospital). I'm also sorry for saying that thing about your (mother, father, sister, brother, girlfriend). Sorry again,
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