So I start to go in the last stall...

but there's a giant loaf floating on top of a big wad of toilet paper.

So I go in the next door stall. While I'm in there, some dufus from the building comes in, sees the gargantuan loaf and flushes.

Of course it overflows and floods the floor with turdwater.

ssabmud...

pwnt-------->>>

just got back from the carwarsh

front bay door was open, a crack

came around front of the van

smack! then slid completely under the vehicle.....as i TRIED to get back up, it was like curly tryin to navagate some cream pie spillage, all slippy and floppy.....as opposed to nimbly bimbly



i dont need the skin on my right hand anyway

there was a SHEET of ice in front of the car, the front bay door was up like 2 inches

i had the wand and was NOT focusing on the ground

seriously took me like 2 minutes to get footing

i was soaked and bleeding




i doused myself with it a few times trying to get up, then tossed it to the corner cause this was gonna take all four limbs to get up

like a deer on a frozen lake

HOOOOOOORRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!

Time to crack a beer.
Now it's time to find tables to match.

So the Fed Ex guy came barrelling down the road.

Went to the end of the development. Stopped. Looked around. Turned around. Came flying back by again. Left.

Mother effer!

Luckily, they claimed they'd call when they were within 20 minutes
They may have some trouble finding the back of my building, but otherwise, I expect to have the new couch by 4!

I had a similar deal when I had a TV delivered. They didn't show up for another hour and a half. My TV delivery dudes obviously weren't that smart.

Now I feel badly because it's taking so long. I do have $60 worth of twenties though... should I give them that?

stop being so perfect.

i mentioned the other day, that I really liked the music from the Sims video game.

today I find in my Jeep, a burned CD.

All the Sims music with a note.

Stop it

Got my transcripts in the mail from college

needed to fill out an application and one part of it was my hours (instead I just included the transcripts with the application instead of filling out the sheet.) Here's what my grades looked like:

Final GPA: 3.04

I had 3 D's (DBase Development, Finite Math, Statistics)

10 C's (Computer Problem Solving, Visual Basic Programming, Composition 2, Intermediate Algebra, Business Systems Designs, Writing For Professionals, Management Info Systems, Managerial Accounting, MacroEconomics, MicroEconomics)

14 B's

17 A's

I had 2 perfect semester (Fall of 98-99 and 99-00 Spring, but only had one real class that semester. The other "class" was an internship)

Reached the President's List 4 times

i am completely, totally and utterly...

down for the count.

i can't concentrate at all. i can only think of her.

I have it bad.

question? would you move somewhere with someone you've only been dating a year?

I'll post a few more tomorrow. Especially the interior and sides. Digital camera started beeping at me when I was taking them. Battery is low so I have to recharge it (last time I let my sister borrow my camera. She didn't even charge it for me and I gave her the charger when she borrowed it last week!)

I've been hiding a deep, dark secret that I need to share

I got a 1981 Corvette Stingray!!!!

That is all.

Feel free to go about your daily chores.

Have a cold sore....want to off myself

Try having multiple open sores in your nose.

Just paid $8,902 on an $89.02 cell phone bill

I even clicked it through the confirmation page

Catholics are Stupid!

Just kidding (sort of).

I have been knocked out 3 times in my life:

1. When I was 13 years old, I was at my buddy’s swimming pool. He was trying to show me how to do backwards dives into the pool. The first time I tried it, I didn’t spring far enough away from the edge and slammed my head into the sloped portion of the concrete bottom. My friend pulled me out. When I came to, he was laughing, and his older sister was crying and screaming at him for laughing at me.

2. About a month after I got my first real job in the big city of Memphis, I was out in the work parking lot helping a co-worker load some stuff into his car. I noticed a sword, some football pads and a football helmet in his car. When I asked him about it, he told me that he did medieval war re-enactments on the weekends. I got a chuckle out of it, so he offered to let me try it out. I put on the football helmet and he hit me as hard as he could with the stupid sword. I dropped like a sack of potatoes. When I came to, I told him that I didn’t want to play with him anymore.

3. About ten years later, I was out on a construction site watching a crew drill test borings for a project of mine. I actually had my hard hat on, but only because my client was also visiting the site and I wanted to look professional. While I was standing there, a 140-pound hammer came loose from the rig and fell about 10 feet, hitting me on the head. I then fell backwards into a 4-foot deep footing that, luckily, didn’t have any rebar sticking up. If it had, I might have been impaled. I don’t know which knocked me out: the hammer or the fall into the footing, but either way, it was lights out. The driller didn’t laugh though. He had messed up big time, and he thought he was going to get fired.

Why do I think dudes who do yoga are fruity?

It's really not fair, but I can't help it.

Now chowing down on:

I bought my cat an $8 cat toy

He is now currently playing with a $.50 golf ball.

I'll be peeing on his head later for this.

India

just got back from there, never did so much shopping there before:
1 pair bata shoes
1 pair bata slippers
1 pair bata sandals
1 authentic nike india odi cricket jersey
1 authentic nike bcci hat
6 cricket tennis balls
2 kurtas
2 dress shirts

Skyline Chili tastes like cloves and burnt hair

Is there some sort of idiots guide to getting in shape?

I mean, I really need the step-by-step diet and exercise plan laid out for me. I'm way to lazy to read the science behind everything and formulate my own plan.

I no longer want to be chunktastic.