Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Looks like we will be getting free eggs.
Mrs water aerobic instructor raises chickens. She told my wife she has too many eggs to get rid of and will bring her in a couple dozen each Friday. I get so tired of breakfast cereal. We are talking fried eggs and corned beef hash next week. No wimpy breakfast.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Ran into the local jr high bicycle gang
Went on my 10 mile ride tonight. To hit the bicycle trail, I always go through the local housing(They drive nicer cars thn I do). Coming back a group of young kids on bicycles headed straight for me. They hollared "Chicken!" I rang my bell and went straight through them. They scattered. Effin little white trash. They cursed and hollared. It was glorious.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Linkin question
So this douchebag that use to work here just Linkin me as a college. Full disclosure, he has a drinking problem and I haven't seen him in maybe 4 years.
He use to be a friend of guys that I use to hang out with, so our paths would cross outside of work.
Here are a few of the things that he's done in the past:
* he picked a fight with me on New Years Eve at a bar....he was drunk and thought I was making a pass at his date, when I was really hitting up the other single lady at our table...his date wanted to be as far away from him as possible because he was loaded.
* got into a fight with my fiance and her friend at the skiing lodge. When my fiance's friend punched him, he complained to the bartender that a girl punched him....the bartender just laughed and walked away. Again, loaded.
* we were on a beach weekend, wishing my friend farewell (he was relocating to CA), and the night before going out deep water fishing, he came in at ~3am, with a air horn, waking everyone up.
* on our skiing trip, I made a huge amount of chili for the trip, he put it on the stove, and left the burners going, burning/ruining the chili...never said sorry
* he had a broken ankle one year, and had a motorized scooter....drove that down the staircase at the cabin, ruining it (who cares) and damaging the cabin...not sure who paid for the damages (I didn't).
It goes on and on....my fiance would avoid us when we went skiing because of him.
I want to tell him to bugger off, can you do that on Linkin?
He use to be a friend of guys that I use to hang out with, so our paths would cross outside of work.
Here are a few of the things that he's done in the past:
* he picked a fight with me on New Years Eve at a bar....he was drunk and thought I was making a pass at his date, when I was really hitting up the other single lady at our table...his date wanted to be as far away from him as possible because he was loaded.
* got into a fight with my fiance and her friend at the skiing lodge. When my fiance's friend punched him, he complained to the bartender that a girl punched him....the bartender just laughed and walked away. Again, loaded.
* we were on a beach weekend, wishing my friend farewell (he was relocating to CA), and the night before going out deep water fishing, he came in at ~3am, with a air horn, waking everyone up.
* on our skiing trip, I made a huge amount of chili for the trip, he put it on the stove, and left the burners going, burning/ruining the chili...never said sorry
* he had a broken ankle one year, and had a motorized scooter....drove that down the staircase at the cabin, ruining it (who cares) and damaging the cabin...not sure who paid for the damages (I didn't).
It goes on and on....my fiance would avoid us when we went skiing because of him.
I want to tell him to bugger off, can you do that on Linkin?
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
kids say the darndest things
Last night whilst pooping my 3 year old son informed me that his balls were and I quote: " my penis' beard".
so my kid wore a cubs t-shirt to summer camp today
it's the blue shirt with the big red C in a white circle logo. the camp is located at a place that has a pool, where old dudes swim in the morning. three of them and one old lady all commented on what a great shirt he had on. one of the wrinklier of the old guys leaned down and told him that it was a wonderful choice and that would build character (my kid has no idea what this means; in any event, he did what he also does when strangers talk to him -- smile nervously and protect his crotch with his hands).
anyway, i thought it odd that so many would comment on it. i was steering the young dudes toward the dodgers but maybe it's time to rethink that decision.
*there is one untruth in the above post.
anyway, i thought it odd that so many would comment on it. i was steering the young dudes toward the dodgers but maybe it's time to rethink that decision.
*there is one untruth in the above post.
Friday, July 29, 2011
That stupid thing is STILL missing, and I really could've used it last night. :(
I mean WTF? FAKE WIENERS DO NOT JUST WALK OFF, PEOPLE!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
i was 1 min from sleep when i saw this.
serious poll. arthur kirkland vs. k-9 unit german shepherd
lets end the debate
got up and took a mac cam pic so that the debate can at least be an educated one.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
question: when i rub my dog Lola's belly and invariably stroke a elppin to and fro
am i in any way pleasuring her like i have so many women in the past (before mrs.)?
i only raise the question because the other night, i swear i saw Lo smile.
i only raise the question because the other night, i swear i saw Lo smile.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Re: To all my friends without children
Trying to explain myself a little bit here. Sorry so many of of misinterpreted what I was saying and I'm troubled (honestly) that you found it patronizing. IF you poke around at some of the other posts, and my bio, you'll see I'm a standup comic and a comedy writer.
chadinla July 14, 2011 at 2:24 am
careful there friend, keep it up and you just might EARN AN ENEMY!
Quant July 14, 2011 at 9:29 am
Will this turn into a giant orgy?
CHEF-D July 14, 2011 at 9:39 am
I KNOW NONE OF YOU GET SEX
Phil July 14, 2011 at 9:48 am
14th and Minna. Bring a baggie.
BigBolognaOnBrad July 14, 2011 at 10:16 am
Jason, long time reader, first time commenter. So sorry that your comments were misinterpreted by the people. They obviously should not be allowed to breed…slowly, or even all.
Keep up the good work. Girls, PM me. /s/ bbonb
kristin July 14, 2011 at 11:14 am
There will always be someone (or several someones) who will find something to get on a soap-box about no matter what. I think I can safely say that most of us knew exactly what you meant and thought it was a great article. You sound like a great parent.
paignfull July 14, 2011 at 11:15 am
after a perusal of your blog here….ive noticed there are no posts about delightful rotund boots…not even delving into their societal persecution vs the ability for it to break a man down to their vunerable core with just the sight of it…
this along will make at least the digs happy and if you make the digs happy god kisses the bellies of 10 random babies
you dont hate babies do you?
BigBolognaOnBrad July 14, 2011 at 11:25 am
kristin sounds hott*
taz July 14, 2011 at 11:38 am
pics of kristin plz
Melanie July 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm
As someone without children I love all of your blog, and totally understood where you were coming from. People need to lighten up. I am very understanding of my friends with little ones. And I get that mid conversation sometimes they are going to have to run or hang up the phone. Thanks for a great blog and your honesty.
paignfull July 14, 2011 at 4:18 pm
what size jeans do you wear melanie?
*wink*
Isher July 14, 2011 at 4:19 pm
Wait, that was supposed to be a humor column? That’s even worse since it was pretty painfully unfunny.
Jason Good July 14, 2011 at 4:31 pm
The Internet. Encouraging people to intentionally misunderstand each other since 1990.
BigBolognaOnBrad July 14, 2011 at 4:59 pm
Melanie,
In case you were wondering, I have latex-free gloves back at my pad.
Mr Papa Del July 14, 2011 at 5:49 pm
How long does a dude have to wait for a nice, well-cooked frank? Just an FYI, Im finna throw a big fit soon if I dont get one.
Art July 14, 2011 at 6:14 pm
Nothing about humans fightin’ bears or chimps? This blog bores me.
arthurkirkland July 14, 2011 at 6:47 pm
@Art – I’ve fought every sort of dog on the planet, and I bet I could take a bear or a chimp, if push came to shove. It’s a matter of will to live.
C0LT July 14, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Me and Mrs. C0lt have kids. Back when we were first married our friends wanted to go to the drive in and have some malteds. We said no. Malteds taste good.
Mr. Dad July 14, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Hi Jason
Don’t worry about these idiots. After a quick google search, it looks like they are just a bunch of ####s. Harmless little gnats.
Keep up the good work.
Terry
darrin July 14, 2011 at 7:10 pm
if i had a friend like you i would fight you at a gas station in funkhouser.
darrin July 14, 2011 at 7:12 pm
mr dad meet me at the gas station in oquawka and i will fight you.
Jeff Frank July 14, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Hi Jason. I enjoyed the column. I am one of the single guys who feels sorry for my friends when they get married and have kids and can rarely do anything and when they want to need to get permission to do it.
Just ignore the invaders. That is a board where most of the the negative malcontents migrated. Many of them were kicked off of other boards for their poor behavior. Condescension surrounds them like the cloud that surround Pigpen.
darrin July 14, 2011 at 7:52 pm
jeff frank you insulted me for the last time. i will fight you at a gas station in chittyville.
arthurkirkland July 14, 2011 at 7:54 pm
@Jeff – “…when they want to need to get permission…?” Who taught you English? Go back to your three television set-up for your DVR-delayed game-watching.
haighter July 14, 2011 at 8:01 pm
How about kids on planes? Slap them, then the parents.
haighter July 14, 2011 at 8:05 pm
Jeff Frank puts the hot dogs on first…
terpjay July 14, 2011 at 8:25 pm
Guys, I think Jason is just trying to be humorous. I don’t think he really puts on the hotdogs first!
taz July 14, 2011 at 8:31 pm
I can poop rainbows.
chadinla July 14, 2011 at 8:35 pm
There’s nothing (cm) about this blog.
Hey, Jason….we should compare routines sometime!
NOVA July 14, 2011 at 8:37 pm
Reminder: you are allowed fo have a civil discussion of Jason’s record as a parent but any speculation about his future, or posting of unsubtantiated rumors about his kids are against the FAQ.
You are being watched.
BirdyEdwards July 14, 2011 at 8:40 pm
3 Things:
1. You should try
5.
Mr. Dad July 14, 2011 at 9:08 pm
Jesus, don’t you people have a ####ing life? Oh, wait. You don’t. That’s obvious after taking a quick look at your “message board”.
A quick review of discussion topics?
1. “Who is Hotter?” – a bunch of sex-deprived grown men rate two attractive women and cast their vote for which one they would will be jerking off to later tonight.
2. “I got a $50 gift card at Pepboys” – enough said. Go #### yourself with that new tire iron you pick up, okay?
3. Random “I watch this TV show and that TV show” shit.
4. “I lost my dildo” – maybe this poster should meet up with some of the posters from 1.
5. “My girlfriend dumped me because I have a small dick. What should I do?” #### you.
And the list goes on.
darrin July 14, 2011 at 9:16 pm
mr dad you should know who you mess with before you talk. i will fight you at the gas station in banklick.
espn talking like larussa not coming back.
CHEF D July 14, 2011 at 9:18 pm
OPIEZ SHOULD THINK OF THEIR FAMILIES BEFORE YUO FOOLISHLY STEP.
CHEF D,
COOKIN UP TROUBLE FO WHITEY
Philo July 14, 2011 at 9:40 pm
This blog reminds me of one time when I was in the third grade. The nuns told my mom that I shouldn’t make fun of people who were dumber than me. I cried. The end.
colt July 14, 2011 at 9:42 pm
Have a next door neighbor who has a blog. Kid puts videos up on youtube. The kid isn’t funny. He should try to be a waiter at wild wings. Had big beers on the way home. Cicadas going nuts outside. Lifes good.
roughyorange July 14, 2011 at 9:46 pm
this season is going to suck
Jackie July 14, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Mr. Dad, if you find my lost fake wiener, will you let me know? Thanks!
jumpingdan July 14, 2011 at 9:47 pm
please post pictures of the hotdogs!
Jackie July 14, 2011 at 9:48 pm
This blog reminds me of my boobs: it’s awesome, it has a white background, and I’m going to show most of it to everyone I know.
Mia July 14, 2011 at 9:53 pm
Crap, I thought for sure Jackie wouldn’t find me here….
colt July 14, 2011 at 9:53 pm
egypt!
Mr. Dad July 14, 2011 at 9:53 pm
Jackie
Sounds like your snatch, too. It’s open to everyone.
Jackie July 14, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Everyone except YOU LOSERS.
And my butt is, of course, being saved for somebody special.
Mia July 14, 2011 at 9:56 pm
Don’t tell Jackie I’m hiding out here. She’s gonna burn out my motor. Again.
wikipediabrown July 14, 2011 at 10:02 pm
Looks like our precious Michelle Bachman doesn’t like brown people
PMan July 14, 2011 at 10:06 pm
As a brown American, I am offended.
Donutz July 14, 2011 at 10:20 pm
As we had said all along Jason Good isn’t While other have said he was mediocre at best we have always maintained that he was terrible. Comedy is fluid so we reserve the right to say something later and claim that we have known it all along.
Jackie July 14, 2011 at 10:22 pm
BURN ON MY SNATCH!
chilango July 14, 2011 at 10:23 pm
I noticed your post about shoes. Don’t you realize man isn’t physiologically designed to wear shoes?
Dee July 14, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Anyone have some ranch?
SF July 14, 2011 at 10:28 pm
Anyone know where to find some good Ceviche?
mhock July 14, 2011 at 10:30 pm
If anyone grills hot dogs before I get my ribeye, I will sue the crap out of them. Don’t believe me? Just freakin try me. I swear I’ll sue. Just ask brumby. He knows me. I’ll sue.
VIV July 14, 2011 at 10:34 pm
If I have time later I will make a nice reduction sauce for the hot dogs using a mixture of spices I keep in a tuperware container.
deux July 14, 2011 at 10:36 pm
Who is hotter?: kristin or Melanie
gig July 14, 2011 at 10:42 pm
I hate the spin doctors, who listened to that crap anyway?
Taylor Ittu July 14, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Dude, I feel your pain. Like deja vu seriously.
pdx July 14, 2011 at 10:46 pm
@ Jackie – please post pics of anything that’s awesome and has a white background.
Holly July 14, 2011 at 10:47 pm
Seriously no more comments. My blog doesn’t have enough space for any more.
Isher July 14, 2011 at 10:50 pm
Nice Laydown
Detlef July 14, 2011 at 10:56 pm
FIRE MR. DAD! *pounds on desk* DEMAND EXCELLENCE!
Yoyo July 14, 2011 at 10:56 pm
Nice laydown
Brumby July 14, 2011 at 10:56 pm
If you merge your site with the News-Gazette then all these creeps will go away.
Plus, I’m pretty sure they’d give you a column.
NAX July 14, 2011 at 10:58 pm
Does anyone here know anything about Orland Park?
thanks. just wondering.
Group Guy July 14, 2011 at 11:02 pm
You have a great business model here.
I should know, I got my MBA from Kellog.
I’m working on a JD from General Mills.
DanSaint July 14, 2011 at 11:04 pm
Has anyone seen my wolftie?
allesandranrojo July 14, 2011 at 11:07 pm
I hast token a loads off.
DanSaint July 14, 2011 at 11:07 pm
CHOKEONACOCK!!
Isher July 14, 2011 at 11:12 pm
Telling
gig July 14, 2011 at 11:16 pm
no reduction sauce for my wiener!!!
Simmering July 14, 2011 at 11:20 pm
Free show on Saturday night at Canopy Club.
Hope to see you all there, should be a great time!
Assassin July 14, 2011 at 11:22 pm
I have both Ass and Sin in my name
Whats my name ?
Assassin July 14, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Marcus aint a friend
Jason Good July 14, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Fff
Bruceweberforprez July 14, 2011 at 11:28 pm
We had a calf a couple days ago. Anyone seen it?
BBMDL July 14, 2011 at 11:31 pm
I BET NONE OF YOU LIFT WEIGHTS!
chadinla July 14, 2011 at 2:24 am
careful there friend, keep it up and you just might EARN AN ENEMY!
Quant July 14, 2011 at 9:29 am
Will this turn into a giant orgy?
CHEF-D July 14, 2011 at 9:39 am
I KNOW NONE OF YOU GET SEX
Phil July 14, 2011 at 9:48 am
14th and Minna. Bring a baggie.
BigBolognaOnBrad July 14, 2011 at 10:16 am
Jason, long time reader, first time commenter. So sorry that your comments were misinterpreted by the people. They obviously should not be allowed to breed…slowly, or even all.
Keep up the good work. Girls, PM me. /s/ bbonb
kristin July 14, 2011 at 11:14 am
There will always be someone (or several someones) who will find something to get on a soap-box about no matter what. I think I can safely say that most of us knew exactly what you meant and thought it was a great article. You sound like a great parent.
paignfull July 14, 2011 at 11:15 am
after a perusal of your blog here….ive noticed there are no posts about delightful rotund boots…not even delving into their societal persecution vs the ability for it to break a man down to their vunerable core with just the sight of it…
this along will make at least the digs happy and if you make the digs happy god kisses the bellies of 10 random babies
you dont hate babies do you?
BigBolognaOnBrad July 14, 2011 at 11:25 am
kristin sounds hott*
taz July 14, 2011 at 11:38 am
pics of kristin plz
Melanie July 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm
As someone without children I love all of your blog, and totally understood where you were coming from. People need to lighten up. I am very understanding of my friends with little ones. And I get that mid conversation sometimes they are going to have to run or hang up the phone. Thanks for a great blog and your honesty.
paignfull July 14, 2011 at 4:18 pm
what size jeans do you wear melanie?
*wink*
Isher July 14, 2011 at 4:19 pm
Wait, that was supposed to be a humor column? That’s even worse since it was pretty painfully unfunny.
Jason Good July 14, 2011 at 4:31 pm
The Internet. Encouraging people to intentionally misunderstand each other since 1990.
BigBolognaOnBrad July 14, 2011 at 4:59 pm
Melanie,
In case you were wondering, I have latex-free gloves back at my pad.
Mr Papa Del July 14, 2011 at 5:49 pm
How long does a dude have to wait for a nice, well-cooked frank? Just an FYI, Im finna throw a big fit soon if I dont get one.
Art July 14, 2011 at 6:14 pm
Nothing about humans fightin’ bears or chimps? This blog bores me.
arthurkirkland July 14, 2011 at 6:47 pm
@Art – I’ve fought every sort of dog on the planet, and I bet I could take a bear or a chimp, if push came to shove. It’s a matter of will to live.
C0LT July 14, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Me and Mrs. C0lt have kids. Back when we were first married our friends wanted to go to the drive in and have some malteds. We said no. Malteds taste good.
Mr. Dad July 14, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Hi Jason
Don’t worry about these idiots. After a quick google search, it looks like they are just a bunch of ####s. Harmless little gnats.
Keep up the good work.
Terry
darrin July 14, 2011 at 7:10 pm
if i had a friend like you i would fight you at a gas station in funkhouser.
darrin July 14, 2011 at 7:12 pm
mr dad meet me at the gas station in oquawka and i will fight you.
Jeff Frank July 14, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Hi Jason. I enjoyed the column. I am one of the single guys who feels sorry for my friends when they get married and have kids and can rarely do anything and when they want to need to get permission to do it.
Just ignore the invaders. That is a board where most of the the negative malcontents migrated. Many of them were kicked off of other boards for their poor behavior. Condescension surrounds them like the cloud that surround Pigpen.
darrin July 14, 2011 at 7:52 pm
jeff frank you insulted me for the last time. i will fight you at a gas station in chittyville.
arthurkirkland July 14, 2011 at 7:54 pm
@Jeff – “…when they want to need to get permission…?” Who taught you English? Go back to your three television set-up for your DVR-delayed game-watching.
haighter July 14, 2011 at 8:01 pm
How about kids on planes? Slap them, then the parents.
haighter July 14, 2011 at 8:05 pm
Jeff Frank puts the hot dogs on first…
terpjay July 14, 2011 at 8:25 pm
Guys, I think Jason is just trying to be humorous. I don’t think he really puts on the hotdogs first!
taz July 14, 2011 at 8:31 pm
I can poop rainbows.
chadinla July 14, 2011 at 8:35 pm
There’s nothing (cm) about this blog.
Hey, Jason….we should compare routines sometime!
NOVA July 14, 2011 at 8:37 pm
Reminder: you are allowed fo have a civil discussion of Jason’s record as a parent but any speculation about his future, or posting of unsubtantiated rumors about his kids are against the FAQ.
You are being watched.
BirdyEdwards July 14, 2011 at 8:40 pm
3 Things:
1. You should try
5.
Mr. Dad July 14, 2011 at 9:08 pm
Jesus, don’t you people have a ####ing life? Oh, wait. You don’t. That’s obvious after taking a quick look at your “message board”.
A quick review of discussion topics?
1. “Who is Hotter?” – a bunch of sex-deprived grown men rate two attractive women and cast their vote for which one they would will be jerking off to later tonight.
2. “I got a $50 gift card at Pepboys” – enough said. Go #### yourself with that new tire iron you pick up, okay?
3. Random “I watch this TV show and that TV show” shit.
4. “I lost my dildo” – maybe this poster should meet up with some of the posters from 1.
5. “My girlfriend dumped me because I have a small dick. What should I do?” #### you.
And the list goes on.
darrin July 14, 2011 at 9:16 pm
mr dad you should know who you mess with before you talk. i will fight you at the gas station in banklick.
espn talking like larussa not coming back.
CHEF D July 14, 2011 at 9:18 pm
OPIEZ SHOULD THINK OF THEIR FAMILIES BEFORE YUO FOOLISHLY STEP.
CHEF D,
COOKIN UP TROUBLE FO WHITEY
Philo July 14, 2011 at 9:40 pm
This blog reminds me of one time when I was in the third grade. The nuns told my mom that I shouldn’t make fun of people who were dumber than me. I cried. The end.
colt July 14, 2011 at 9:42 pm
Have a next door neighbor who has a blog. Kid puts videos up on youtube. The kid isn’t funny. He should try to be a waiter at wild wings. Had big beers on the way home. Cicadas going nuts outside. Lifes good.
roughyorange July 14, 2011 at 9:46 pm
this season is going to suck
Jackie July 14, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Mr. Dad, if you find my lost fake wiener, will you let me know? Thanks!
jumpingdan July 14, 2011 at 9:47 pm
please post pictures of the hotdogs!
Jackie July 14, 2011 at 9:48 pm
This blog reminds me of my boobs: it’s awesome, it has a white background, and I’m going to show most of it to everyone I know.
Mia July 14, 2011 at 9:53 pm
Crap, I thought for sure Jackie wouldn’t find me here….
colt July 14, 2011 at 9:53 pm
egypt!
Mr. Dad July 14, 2011 at 9:53 pm
Jackie
Sounds like your snatch, too. It’s open to everyone.
Jackie July 14, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Everyone except YOU LOSERS.
And my butt is, of course, being saved for somebody special.
Mia July 14, 2011 at 9:56 pm
Don’t tell Jackie I’m hiding out here. She’s gonna burn out my motor. Again.
wikipediabrown July 14, 2011 at 10:02 pm
Looks like our precious Michelle Bachman doesn’t like brown people
PMan July 14, 2011 at 10:06 pm
As a brown American, I am offended.
Donutz July 14, 2011 at 10:20 pm
As we had said all along Jason Good isn’t While other have said he was mediocre at best we have always maintained that he was terrible. Comedy is fluid so we reserve the right to say something later and claim that we have known it all along.
Jackie July 14, 2011 at 10:22 pm
BURN ON MY SNATCH!
chilango July 14, 2011 at 10:23 pm
I noticed your post about shoes. Don’t you realize man isn’t physiologically designed to wear shoes?
Dee July 14, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Anyone have some ranch?
SF July 14, 2011 at 10:28 pm
Anyone know where to find some good Ceviche?
mhock July 14, 2011 at 10:30 pm
If anyone grills hot dogs before I get my ribeye, I will sue the crap out of them. Don’t believe me? Just freakin try me. I swear I’ll sue. Just ask brumby. He knows me. I’ll sue.
VIV July 14, 2011 at 10:34 pm
If I have time later I will make a nice reduction sauce for the hot dogs using a mixture of spices I keep in a tuperware container.
deux July 14, 2011 at 10:36 pm
Who is hotter?: kristin or Melanie
gig July 14, 2011 at 10:42 pm
I hate the spin doctors, who listened to that crap anyway?
Taylor Ittu July 14, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Dude, I feel your pain. Like deja vu seriously.
pdx July 14, 2011 at 10:46 pm
@ Jackie – please post pics of anything that’s awesome and has a white background.
Holly July 14, 2011 at 10:47 pm
Seriously no more comments. My blog doesn’t have enough space for any more.
Isher July 14, 2011 at 10:50 pm
Nice Laydown
Detlef July 14, 2011 at 10:56 pm
FIRE MR. DAD! *pounds on desk* DEMAND EXCELLENCE!
Yoyo July 14, 2011 at 10:56 pm
Nice laydown
Brumby July 14, 2011 at 10:56 pm
If you merge your site with the News-Gazette then all these creeps will go away.
Plus, I’m pretty sure they’d give you a column.
NAX July 14, 2011 at 10:58 pm
Does anyone here know anything about Orland Park?
thanks. just wondering.
Group Guy July 14, 2011 at 11:02 pm
You have a great business model here.
I should know, I got my MBA from Kellog.
I’m working on a JD from General Mills.
DanSaint July 14, 2011 at 11:04 pm
Has anyone seen my wolftie?
allesandranrojo July 14, 2011 at 11:07 pm
I hast token a loads off.
DanSaint July 14, 2011 at 11:07 pm
CHOKEONACOCK!!
Isher July 14, 2011 at 11:12 pm
Telling
gig July 14, 2011 at 11:16 pm
no reduction sauce for my wiener!!!
Simmering July 14, 2011 at 11:20 pm
Free show on Saturday night at Canopy Club.
Hope to see you all there, should be a great time!
Assassin July 14, 2011 at 11:22 pm
I have both Ass and Sin in my name
Whats my name ?
Assassin July 14, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Marcus aint a friend
Jason Good July 14, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Fff
Bruceweberforprez July 14, 2011 at 11:28 pm
We had a calf a couple days ago. Anyone seen it?
BBMDL July 14, 2011 at 11:31 pm
I BET NONE OF YOU LIFT WEIGHTS!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
thank you Orange roughy....
You just totally embarrassed me on another board, but thats ok. I guess if that makes you feel any better then sobeit. if you thought i did the same thing, then i guess you got me back. Now, you have made it impossible for myself to have any credibility, but thats ok because it makes you feel better. Why dont you go ahead and embarrass me on the scout board while you are at it? Might as well try to destroy me in every way possible. You win because you have the power of your own blog. I guess some people have to read it and listen.
you dont want to know what "being owned" is trust me you better make that last word you ever say to me you got me???
Him saying that i was "being owned" was the wrong thing to say to me right now. It's one thing to say i got you back for what you said, but to take it a step forward and saying you are "owning" me, thats throwing the first punch and all you did is piss me off even more.
you dont want to know what "being owned" is trust me you better make that last word you ever say to me you got me???
Him saying that i was "being owned" was the wrong thing to say to me right now. It's one thing to say i got you back for what you said, but to take it a step forward and saying you are "owning" me, thats throwing the first punch and all you did is piss me off even more.
Monday, July 11, 2011
going through a few orphan garage boxes..
and, while it's hard to remember when ( it was before mrs), i actually purchased in-line roller skates when i was living in seattle. i don't think i ever used them. now i need to dispose of them, murder-weapon style.
mrs' laughing escalated quickly to a near wheezing.
me (squirming a bit): " er, WHOSE are those? "
mrs: don't even try.
me: "wha...? what makes you think those are mine?"
mrs: "because i can fit my head in them?"
pwned.
mrs' laughing escalated quickly to a near wheezing.
me (squirming a bit): " er, WHOSE are those? "
mrs: don't even try.
me: "wha...? what makes you think those are mine?"
mrs: "because i can fit my head in them?"
pwned.
Friday, July 8, 2011
4 women who made a big impression on me as a little kid
Baseball Playing Gayne: In the early seventies, there were no organized sports in Philo for young girls. And a girl had never asked to be allowed to play Little League baseball. I’m guessing that her parents talked it out with the folks in charge beforehand, because when we gathered for our first practice one year, Gayne showed up and acted as if she had every right in the world to be there. We laughed about it a little bit, but I don’t remember anyone giving her any grief. It had never occurred to us that a girl would ever want to play on a real team. We were only 8 or 9 years old, so it wasn’t like there was a huge talent difference between Gayne and us boys. The next year, a couple more girls played. Years later, they added softball. Gayne broke the gender barrier in Philo sports.
Craig’s mom: One day during recess, we were playing buck-buck on the school playground. We weren’t supposed to be playing because the nuns said it was too dangerous. Craig lived about a block away, and during lunch that day, his mom walked down to drop off his lunch. It was 30+ years ago, but I still remember her walking up wearing an orange tank top with no bra underneath. Every boy just stood there and stared while she and Craig talked along the side of the road. You would have thought we were all staring at a naked woman.
Mizz Whats-her-name: When I was in 3rd grade, I was pulled out of my regular classroom to work on the pronunciation of my N’s and S’s with the speech teacher. For part of the year, the teacher’s name was Ms. Something. The unusual thing about this is that NO ONE had ever been called “Mizz” before. It was always Mrs. or Miss. I remember her taking a few minutes to give us a mini lesson in women’s lib and to explain what being called “Mizz Such-and-such” meant. It was like she had invented a new word or something. I couldn’t wait to go home and tell mom about it.
Next door neighbor Tammy: One day when I was about 7 or 8 years old, I was playing in the lot next door with some neighbor kids, including Tammy, who was probably 5 years older than me. The lot included a garden full of sweet corn. I had to go pee, so I walked over to the corn. Tammy told me that I had to try to run around the entire corn “field” *while* I was peeing. I don’t remember her daring me to do it – she just told me matter-of-factly that I had to. I did it, and I remember getting pee all over me, including in my mouth. I started crying and Tammy told me that if I told anyone what happened, that she would kill me. I kept my mouth shut, which is what I should have done while I was peeing. I was scared of not only Tammy, but of her whole family. More than once, her dad told me the story of how he got shot in the mouth during "the war". The bullet knocked out all his 4 front teeth and lodged in the back of this throat. Tammy's older brother Mike went to Vietnam. When he came back, he had a tattoo and an earing. He was the first guy I had ever seen with an earing. It freaked me out.
Craig’s mom: One day during recess, we were playing buck-buck on the school playground. We weren’t supposed to be playing because the nuns said it was too dangerous. Craig lived about a block away, and during lunch that day, his mom walked down to drop off his lunch. It was 30+ years ago, but I still remember her walking up wearing an orange tank top with no bra underneath. Every boy just stood there and stared while she and Craig talked along the side of the road. You would have thought we were all staring at a naked woman.
Mizz Whats-her-name: When I was in 3rd grade, I was pulled out of my regular classroom to work on the pronunciation of my N’s and S’s with the speech teacher. For part of the year, the teacher’s name was Ms. Something. The unusual thing about this is that NO ONE had ever been called “Mizz” before. It was always Mrs. or Miss. I remember her taking a few minutes to give us a mini lesson in women’s lib and to explain what being called “Mizz Such-and-such” meant. It was like she had invented a new word or something. I couldn’t wait to go home and tell mom about it.
Next door neighbor Tammy: One day when I was about 7 or 8 years old, I was playing in the lot next door with some neighbor kids, including Tammy, who was probably 5 years older than me. The lot included a garden full of sweet corn. I had to go pee, so I walked over to the corn. Tammy told me that I had to try to run around the entire corn “field” *while* I was peeing. I don’t remember her daring me to do it – she just told me matter-of-factly that I had to. I did it, and I remember getting pee all over me, including in my mouth. I started crying and Tammy told me that if I told anyone what happened, that she would kill me. I kept my mouth shut, which is what I should have done while I was peeing. I was scared of not only Tammy, but of her whole family. More than once, her dad told me the story of how he got shot in the mouth during "the war". The bullet knocked out all his 4 front teeth and lodged in the back of this throat. Tammy's older brother Mike went to Vietnam. When he came back, he had a tattoo and an earing. He was the first guy I had ever seen with an earing. It freaked me out.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Too sexy for my office
My poor boss had to deliver the uncomfortable message that someone had complained that my appearance is "distracting."
It's a fitting dress with some exposed cleavage. I've worn it before. And I've worn tops with more objectionable cleavage. *shrug
It's a fitting dress with some exposed cleavage. I've worn it before. And I've worn tops with more objectionable cleavage. *shrug
Sunday, July 3, 2011
So we're at the Schmucks this afternoon
and I'm in the checkout. I've let the girls go over to the candy and gum machines to spend a couple of quarters so I can have a moment's peace.
Suddenly, J-Train runs over to me, sobbing, and thrusts something in my face and yells "I DIDN'T WANT THIS!!!!"
I'm all, "What?" and take the ball from her and look. It appears to be just a plastic black and gold striped ball, about the size of a big meatball. I ask, "What is it?"
She yells, "It's a stupid ball! I put my quarters in the wrong machine, and I want more money so I can get something else!"
I said, "I'm sure you're disappointed, but you're not getting more money. You'll just have to be more careful next time with your quarters."
I turn the ball over and see a Mizzou logo.
Then I add, "Eww, Mizzou! I gotta admit, kid, you did get super ripped off here."
Suddenly, J-Train runs over to me, sobbing, and thrusts something in my face and yells "I DIDN'T WANT THIS!!!!"
I'm all, "What?" and take the ball from her and look. It appears to be just a plastic black and gold striped ball, about the size of a big meatball. I ask, "What is it?"
She yells, "It's a stupid ball! I put my quarters in the wrong machine, and I want more money so I can get something else!"
I said, "I'm sure you're disappointed, but you're not getting more money. You'll just have to be more careful next time with your quarters."
I turn the ball over and see a Mizzou logo.
Then I add, "Eww, Mizzou! I gotta admit, kid, you did get super ripped off here."
Monday, June 27, 2011
How the eff is Ambien even legal?
Took some to sleep last night, and apparently scared the crap out of the wife. Called her down to the basement to tell her that the light was crawling the walls and I was scared because I didnt know if it was going to take me to sleep or to hell. Then, I proceeded to [front] grope her while staring at the DVR light. How is a drug that does that approved by the FDA?
Friday, June 24, 2011
I just p^ssed all over myself at work...
in the can, standing at a urinal talking to the dude next to me about how nice the weather is..."blah blah blah, gonna play golf this weekend, yeah, should be nice, beautiful day, you know it, hahahaha, blah blah"...goes on for 20-30 seconds. I look down and the stream of piss is hitting my shirt tail that is sticking out a bit (I mean a lot, you know, I'm huge) and then forming a perfect stream to my crotch...my pants are very effective at catching all the piss as it looks like none hit the floor.
Walk back to my office was not awesome; grabbed a 'Penske' file to cover the damage. Supposed to go to happy hour in an hour or so. Good times.
Walk back to my office was not awesome; grabbed a 'Penske' file to cover the damage. Supposed to go to happy hour in an hour or so. Good times.
let me say this about the night life in portland
it's 5x that of seattle, which sucks ass, so that's not saying much.
a few great areas with lots of potential. except i've never seen a bigger collection of hipster####ingdirtylosers in my life.
and one more thing: if you're a gay bar, how about a little rainbow or a pink dot or SOMETHING in your sign or entrance door for a clue?
a few great areas with lots of potential. except i've never seen a bigger collection of hipster####ingdirtylosers in my life.
and one more thing: if you're a gay bar, how about a little rainbow or a pink dot or SOMETHING in your sign or entrance door for a clue?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
i might as well have set the guy's hair on fire.
walking along, minding my business in helsinki. then got the call.
"oh, #### me."
so i spot this big hotel. can't find the lobby loo. go to the front desk and pull out my map and ask for directions to someplacenotatoliet. i smile and thank her. " oh, where is the restroom?"
" it's around the corner. through our restaurant."
that's an x factor that doesn't bode well, historically, i'm thinking.
find it and it's half the size of my dorm room in taft. and there's a separate door for the sorry-piece of plastic uni-bucket they call a toliet. i open the door and have to curtsey with it to get behind it just to close it. just in time -- and in concert with a few coughs -- bowels evacuated. i've been walking for two hours, it's hot, there's no A/C and now i'm sweating like a pig. perfect.
i see the door lock twist. some poor bastard is trying to get in. "bad day for you, mother####er" i'm thinking. but i bee-line out and as i dance with door to get out, the guy is nearly rushing the door to get in. i'm staring at the floor the whole time, but the sick part of me does look up to steal a glance into his euro-eyes to see dreams of an age completely dashed. as he's closing the door, i hear sort of a walrus moan.
in the business, we call that a two-fer.
"oh, #### me."
so i spot this big hotel. can't find the lobby loo. go to the front desk and pull out my map and ask for directions to someplacenotatoliet. i smile and thank her. " oh, where is the restroom?"
" it's around the corner. through our restaurant."
that's an x factor that doesn't bode well, historically, i'm thinking.
find it and it's half the size of my dorm room in taft. and there's a separate door for the sorry-piece of plastic uni-bucket they call a toliet. i open the door and have to curtsey with it to get behind it just to close it. just in time -- and in concert with a few coughs -- bowels evacuated. i've been walking for two hours, it's hot, there's no A/C and now i'm sweating like a pig. perfect.
i see the door lock twist. some poor bastard is trying to get in. "bad day for you, mother####er" i'm thinking. but i bee-line out and as i dance with door to get out, the guy is nearly rushing the door to get in. i'm staring at the floor the whole time, but the sick part of me does look up to steal a glance into his euro-eyes to see dreams of an age completely dashed. as he's closing the door, i hear sort of a walrus moan.
in the business, we call that a two-fer.
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