I am not a homophobe, but...

it bothers when I'm watching House Hunters and there is a gay couple featured, walking around chatting about intimate details of their lives. I swear, one of the guys is wearing capris.

Woke up thinking about Chandler Whitmer's arm ~~~~~>>>

You should hear what I recorded into my phone while taking notes. "Chandler Whitmer I love you" *giggles* "It's March 30th, and I have goosebumps"

my daughter has taken to calling herself "lady gaga".

she prefaces every sentence with "gaga ooh-la-la". she calls her brother "baby gaga". she wears a feather boa and dances around the family room. this is 100% on my wife and her choice of radio station.

I am now officially the most boring person in the world

Tonight at the grocery store, the checkout girl asked me why I wasn't buying grape juice. My life is such a dull, repetitive routine that a clerk who rings up my purchases maybe once every two weeks knows what I'm supposed to be buying.

Then the pimply teenage boy at the drive-up window at Culver's complimented me on my organization and preparedness in placing and paying for my order. fmbl

When I was a kid, I loved matzoh.

I'd eat that stuff year round as a snack. I must have had it once at a jewish friends house, probably during passover, and really liked it, so my mom bought it for me.

The more I remember, the weirder my dietary habits as a kid seem to me.

It just shows the lack of care people have for personal responsibility.

So many people just don't care about the difference between right and wrong anymore. I haven't been dealt an easy hand but the mistakes I have made in life are just that...ones I have made. No one else made those decisions for me. So people who can't accept responsibility for their own actions anger me. People who blame everything on someone else.

I am talking about simple personal responsibility. Too many people just don't have it. How many young adults mooch off of mom and dad until they absolutley can't anymore? How many people lose a job and blame it on anything but maybe their own poor actions (I'm not referring to downsizing or something I mean someone with poor attendence or lots of write ups)?

i was sitting at a LA hotel bar next to michael buble this afternoon

chunky mother####er, that boy.

kind of douched up, too. wore a down vest, squarish cap on backwards and listening to tunes wearing his Bose headset -- at the bar.

the few times i encounter celebs, i don't dare to talk to them. but i was *this close* to buying him a drink if he called Jackie ( "Hey, she's a HUGE fan. She'd be delirious if you called her ).
but i just couldn't muster the energy.

and it's probably a good thing, because i checked his web site and he's got a concert in Minneapolis tonight....

i heard rex reed pan shutter island on local radio last night

he was on with another old fag. they were terrific. i stayed in the car, mesmerized.

"where are the stars these days? WHERE ARE YOU, BARBARA STANWYCK?"

Tessa's asleep right now, and there's just a hint of tongue sticking out of her mouth.

I'd get a pic, but every time I try she wakes up.

was washing my hands as a panicked dude ran in

As I exited, the sound I heard can only be described as the sound beef stew would make if it were fired out of a spud gun into a swimming pool.

my greatest Olympic moment

was at the red rock bar in slc 2002 when I stopped all action and had the 1980 hockey team chanting USA! USA! while I drank 5 pints in a waterfall

eruzione held the anchor glass

barely spilled a drop signed jackets with a sharpie the rest of the evening

lam

Whose responsible this?!

Anal Sex:

I and my husband got married just two weeks ago and we've been trying to do anal sex recently. However, it's just too painful for me, not to mention that he's organ is big and quite thick. We use lubricant everytime we try it but he could not even insert the head of his D _ _ _ _ and I suffer too much pain.

I heard about beads, do they work to loosen up?

Please help!

P.S. I'm a very petite woman

I like the word retard.

Not because I want to call people with learning disabilities it, but because I think it's a great insult to someone that's doing something really dumb. It just emphasis's the level of the idiocy. It is so much better than idiot.

I wouldn't be offended if you called me a retard. I'd be insulted, but not offended.

I see live penises

I finally understand what it's like to be a man and think about sex every second of the day! After going without for 17 or so months - I've lost count, all I can think about is Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick (think Tarantino in Reservoir Dogs). I cannot look at a man without thinking about his penis (big, small, thick, thin....)I've become like the lion in the movie 'Madagascar' who looks out at all the animals and sees a bunch of steaks, except in my case I see men and think of penises! So here it is, I NEED to get laid. The problem is, I am not breaking a 17 month spell for bad sex, except I have no source of good sex. If I do the (fairly) random thing, can I lose my inhibitions enough to enjoy it with a stranger? On the other hand, I really don't have the time to get to know someone well before I implode.... Devil or the deep blue sea??? Any advice??

Real men don't wear pink unis

They looked like a bunch of ####ing pussies out there. The fact that others may agree or disagree is irrelevant to me, but that's cool if you like pussy looking uniforms. Ever stop to think why no men's teams wear pink? I don't care how many times they wore them, it was disgusting and I'm embarrassed for them. I wouldn't wear a pink uniform and i think less of any man that would. I think it's an abomination.

Wear a dress to work on Monday, then we'll talk.

The man is the leader of the household

If a woman wants to have a huge career, don't have kids and leave the husband home.

so there are these two attractive girls who work here

yesterday, they were at lunch together in a fairly large atrium in our building and they both waved me over from afar (i should say, i know them). i chatted with them a bit and went about my business. i noticed a number of galoots oafing about, clearly envious of my situation.

there was a time. there was a time when that kind of status would've thrilled me. i don't think that's unusual (and the great maha kali knows, i rarely did anything other than squander such opportunties) and, even if it is, such an encounter would make my day. not just the attention from the ladies but a perception that i had elevated myself in the pecking order of man cubs.

anyway the point here is that i got none of that now. no charge whatsoever. mostly annoyed by the small talk (and their obviously transparent motive for telling me how good looking i am). didn't care that other dudes were giving me silent props or that i may have converted some skeptics.

i just want to get out there. i don't care anymore. i don't even care that in my post-coital moments, i feel more like a teddy bear in my wife's arms than vince vaughn's bear-who-eats-the-rabbit. it's pretty much over me.

one of the things I hate most about being at home is my dad watches way too much Cable News

I hate cable news. every station, every program, every person. I hate it.

If an ugmo hits on you, are you flattered or insulted?

Or both? Or something else? I don't really mean ugly, just someone less attractive than you. I mean, enough of an attractiveness differential that you kinda wonder, "Really? You thought this might work out?" About 90% of the dudes taking aim at me, I'm thinking, "You really think you might see me naked?" How is it a compliment if some ugmo thinks I'm in his league?

I'm a blonde with enormous cans who dresses kinda trashy--I look easy.