One thing I've noticed

from about birth to 3 months, white babies are a lot cuter than Indian babies
from about 3 months to 24 months, Indian babies are much cuter than white babies
after about 24 months, the features start filling in and it doesn't really matter

Black babies are cuter than both.

I hope you like my picture.

It is 2 sharks and a rainbow. The one shark is wearing fancy pants and a hat for your birthday. And a belt. I love you.

I have absolutely no idea where my looks fall on the typical 1-10 scale.

Maybe no idea is going too far. I know I'm not ass ugly and I know I'm not incredibly good looking. I think I'm somewhere in the 4-8 range. Maybe about a 6? I really have no clue. Watch, I'm probably like a 2.

You're like arguing with an autistic person.

Autistic people are incapable of comprehending intent or emotion in a comment or statement, which is exactly what you are like.

This prolly isn't an avenue that you, of all people, should pursue.

But given the fact that she's a damn good-lookin' atty that's been married to me for 7 years now (and with me for 10), I'd say I must be doing something right.

when i was 4 i was prentending to be starsky and went to jump on a

garbage dumpster to avoid an imaginary car that was trying to run me down. in my mind i was going to pull myself above the car as it struck, drop on the hood, roll to the driver's window and punch the thug out. instead the dumpster fell on me. i was rushed to emergency surgery in my uncle's coupe d'ville. i apologized to him for messing up his car. and to my mom for making her cry and to my brother for getting him in trouble ("why didn't you look after your brother?"). then i wouldn't let them take off my shorts because there were women there and they'd see my vienna sausage. then they gassed me and i was in the hospital for 10 days.

so i'm lying in bed reading stories to my 6 yo last night

and she says " dad, are you here this week?"

"yes, honey, i'm teaching that class at the high school this week, remember?'

"at the high school? which class?'

"music.'

then she slowly just starts to giggle a little bit, a little more and finishes with a bit of an eye roll.

"help me out, what's up?"

"daaaaad, GIRLS teach music, not BOYS." still giggling a bit.

i took a minute to explain the differences ( of course, GIRLS teach music -- but i'm teaching music HISTORY. much more manly.)

then i slammed the little b###h's head up against her head board and put a choke hold on her until she passed out.

On the First Day of Christmas, the IB Gave to Me....

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Is it ghey for a dude to want to take a bath?

Because we had some unseasonbably warm weather this weekend, I decided to go out and dig some fence post holes. The ground was rock hard from lack of rain, but I was undeterred. Sometimes, a man has to do what a man has to do.

After only 45 minutes of continuous digging, I felt the first beads of sweat running between my burning pecs. My suntanned arms were warm and getting moist, and my back muscles bunched before smoothing out under my wet work shirt.

Just then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a reflection of my back side in the garage window. My initial thought was that my shrink to fit jeans had, indeed, shrunk just right.

But then, my mind wandered to the lovely lavender oil bath beads we have in the master bath closet. I've been meaning to try them out in a nice steamy bath. Perhaps with a glass of Shiraz, some soft music and my new loufa. It might be the perfect way to unwind after a demanding day.

So, is it ghey for a dude to want to take a bath?

you are being a pussy

did you forget that it's your room too?

I think you should respect eachother but that little momma's boy is walking all over you. Put your foot down and stand up for yourself. If you can't stand up to this guy, good luck in the real world.

I, for one, am quite happy my oldest daughter is heterosexual

because now we have Brooksie. I guess that makes me a bigot.

If it is ignorant to be pleased that my daughter had a child with her husband without all the baggage which seems to be potentially involved with a lesbian couple having a child (where do we get the sperm, don't know, how about your brother?), I plead guilty

I'll gladly tell you what is going on...

There are some select people on this board that feel the need to take whatever may be going on in other people's lives, good or bad, and shit all over it. There are people who have no common decency towards others because their lives are so pathetically sad and boring that they feel the need to talk down to other people and continuously mock whatever happiness others might be experiencing. People who quite frankly need to shut the #### up and mind their own business because this same shit has happened more than a few times with that same group of people. And just so you know, you can come out of your little "shelter" because unlike some people, our lives don't revolve around internet message boards. We have no reason to discuss our plans or our future on a message board, so you don't have to worry about "hiding" from it. Basically what I am getting at here is #### off!

male runners or work-outers, please advise

do you wear a jock when you exercise?

if not, how do you manage your junk?

I worked for a German woodworker in HS

He got wounded at the Russian front during WW2. He said Maggots saved his life. He walked with an artificial leg. Always went back to Germany for his leg, because they paid for it. He was a tough old Kraut. Pure Republican and loved America. He saw the effects of a country dominated by the government. No sh*t!

college kids really do not understand the proposed healthcare plans

i think it has a lot to do with the fact that college kids are pretty worthless. (the majority)

Until you've lived and worked and supported yourself in the real world, your opinion shouldn't count.

There is more class in country music than others IMHO.......

Virtually no foul language, love of country, almost all songs treat women with respect, etc.

yesterday my 4 year old completely missed the toiled and peed all over the tile floor...

and instead of telling someone, he covered it up with a plastic doggie poo bag he got from the bathroom closet.

The problem with mixed nuts.

first let me say i love nuts. cashews, pistachioes, peanuts, almonds, walnuts. love em all.

so i'm totally down with the concept of mixed nuts. great idea, really it is.

yet, everytime i eat mixed nuts i end up sorely disappointed. it's like all those great individual nuts lose their identity and taste. they become a new taste, known as "mixed nuts" and that taste sucks.

I don't wear a wedding ring because rings are annoying...

...and I really don't care for the idea that "you're married, so you have to wear this band of metal around your finger!"

F*** you. I don't have to wear shite. I find a lot of traditions annoying and obstinate. A prime example is the greeting card. I haven't purchased a card in years and don't plan to ever again. I don't say "bless you" when someone sneezes. I don't acknowledge it when someone says it to me. It's dumb.

I just generally hate people and their insufferable insistencies.

I won't lie...

I used to kill cats as a kid. We lived in the country and the only cats I ever encountered were ones that were "set free" and became wild. I always thought of those cats as evil, but it wasn't the cat that was evil I discovered.

it was a time of long hair, liberal drug use, bad polyester clothing and open cat-killing