sex with my wife 4 times.
Being old ain't that bad.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Just spent the last 10 minutes in front of a class
...trying to conceal a raging renob.
cause for said renob? Prolly a combo of:
a) Six months of celebacy
and
b) pretty woman in class.
Viva Viagra!
cause for said renob? Prolly a combo of:
a) Six months of celebacy
and
b) pretty woman in class.
Viva Viagra!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Thong Sis Update
She found a wallet at the coffee shop at the hospital where she was working. Decided to take the cash out, and kept the wallet, supposedly with the intention of returning the empty wallet later. Wallet contained about $100. Anyway...FAIL.
All caught on security camera. And the wallet belonged to...the president of the hospital where she was working.
Operative phrase being "WAS working." Terminated.
Dumb girl.
All caught on security camera. And the wallet belonged to...the president of the hospital where she was working.
Operative phrase being "WAS working." Terminated.
Dumb girl.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Got a hemorrhoid five days earlier helping a buddy move a desk.
It popped 2 days before the test, but wouldn't stop bleeding. My wife insisted I go to the emergency room at 10 pm the night before the final because it was bleeding so freaking bad. I begged the doctor to go easy on me because I had a test the next morning. He asked questions and determined I was in law school. Then, he did his thing with the rubber glove. He left for about an hour, came back with 3 interns, told them I was going to law school so take it easy on me, to wit they all laughed uproariously and took turns sodomizing me with thier rubber gloved hands.
Finally got home at 1 am, but had an even worse pain in the ssa. I couldn't sleep, so I took a Tylenol PM at about 3 am. I slept maybe two hours, and I could only sit on one cheek because the pain was unbearable, and I was hella groggy from the Tylenol PM. That was my worst grade during 1L. Contracts was 3 days later, but the bleeding had stopped and the pain subsided.
Finally got home at 1 am, but had an even worse pain in the ssa. I couldn't sleep, so I took a Tylenol PM at about 3 am. I slept maybe two hours, and I could only sit on one cheek because the pain was unbearable, and I was hella groggy from the Tylenol PM. That was my worst grade during 1L. Contracts was 3 days later, but the bleeding had stopped and the pain subsided.
Monday, May 12, 2008
just had the dog out and a little kid walks by afraid of him.
I picked the dog up and the kid petted him, then said-I see his wiener.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I'm not your monkey
And I don't dance for you when you turn your little handle.
So while I enjoyed the fact that you made that little thread for me, I will decide when posts will be about me and not you.
So while I enjoyed the fact that you made that little thread for me, I will decide when posts will be about me and not you.
WELL JERKOFFS...
It is POSSIBLE that a person's luck could allow them to never lose. It is possible. the odds are not good but POSSIBLE.
It is possible that if you flip a coin 1,000,000 times it will land on heads each time. It's possible not likely.
And if you disagree, you're wrong and you don't understand odds.
It is possible that if you flip a coin 1,000,000 times it will land on heads each time. It's possible not likely.
And if you disagree, you're wrong and you don't understand odds.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
VIV and gig can stick it
I posted a sincere question. It wasn't rude or out of line. The you two A_HOLES decide to attack me for it.
What the F is wrong with you?
Worst part is that you then say it's a "douches vs. Chad" subthread.
Go f yourselves. Who do you think you are? I didn't post anything inappropriate or wrong. i wasn't contetious until you attacked me. Then you blame me. Why didn't you just leave well enough alone?
What the F is wrong with you?
Worst part is that you then say it's a "douches vs. Chad" subthread.
Go f yourselves. Who do you think you are? I didn't post anything inappropriate or wrong. i wasn't contetious until you attacked me. Then you blame me. Why didn't you just leave well enough alone?
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I am remarkably unfazed by 100,000 cyclone deaths
I know I should feel bad, at least on some Obi-Wan Kenobi "great disturbance in the Force" level, but I really don't. Part of me is even relieved, given all of the concerns about overpopulation, global warming, etc. This concerns me because it totally contradicts my professed belief system.
I just don't know how to relate to people halfway across the world whose lives don't seem to intersect with mine in any meaningful way.
I just don't know how to relate to people halfway across the world whose lives don't seem to intersect with mine in any meaningful way.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
I'm naturally left handed, but I cut off part of my ring finger...
at 16 months old. According to the doctors, this occured during the period of choosing hand dominancy and I had my left hand bandaged up.
Friday, May 2, 2008
I live with drunk morons
they are breeding "lil Girl (Maltese/Poodle) with a male full bred toy poodle (who is 11 years old). Everytime I try to talk...I get shouted down so I've pretty much just shut up. But we don't have space for pups (if it even happens) and I don't think she'll take care of them because she's spoiled...but it just goes in one ear and out the other.
Worst umpire ever.
Dude was on his cell phone for a whole half inning. I asked (yelled) for him to get off of his cell phone during our game. He told me to "show some respect!".
He also ate a popsicle and threw the wrapper right behind home plate. Our game was ended after 45 minutes with a score of 16-8....when I asked why it was over he responded with "Take your pick" Would not give me a real answer. When I told him that I needed to know since I was going to call and try to have him fired (over the line, I know)...he went on an f-bomb tirade.
He also ate a popsicle and threw the wrapper right behind home plate. Our game was ended after 45 minutes with a score of 16-8....when I asked why it was over he responded with "Take your pick" Would not give me a real answer. When I told him that I needed to know since I was going to call and try to have him fired (over the line, I know)...he went on an f-bomb tirade.
Prom totally sucked.
What a waste of time and money. ...we had a limo-coach booked - you know, a 15-person party bus that's decked out like a limo...
The limo company showed up in 2 airport vans... that was the start of a positively underwhelming evening, topped off by my girlfriend (at the time) freaking out because people were drinking downstairs... and then no nooky took place because Aunt Flo came to town.
The limo company showed up in 2 airport vans... that was the start of a positively underwhelming evening, topped off by my girlfriend (at the time) freaking out because people were drinking downstairs... and then no nooky took place because Aunt Flo came to town.
I got a text from my high school best friend last night
He said he's getting married May 17 in Nurnberg Germany and the Dalai Lama is attending the wedding. Making it stranger... the last I heard he was dating a stripper.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I should know better
I had a monster order of Burger King's onion rings last night.
They're apparently still sitting in my gut, because right now my poor dog's eyes are watering and she's sniffing the air, just from the bombs I'm letting off in the basement.
Me and onion rings don't mix. Actually, if I lived on a desert island, they'd be fine, but around other living creatures with a sense of smell, it's just not right.
They're apparently still sitting in my gut, because right now my poor dog's eyes are watering and she's sniffing the air, just from the bombs I'm letting off in the basement.
Me and onion rings don't mix. Actually, if I lived on a desert island, they'd be fine, but around other living creatures with a sense of smell, it's just not right.
IGNORANT!
I lived it moron!!!! My life. My experiences!!!! All my Jewish friends who agree because they lived it too.
You are the ignorant one. You don't know what the fuck you are talking about.
That is one of the reasons why I left Chicago. That is the very reason I married a non-Jew!
You are the ignorant one. You don't know what the fuck you are talking about.
That is one of the reasons why I left Chicago. That is the very reason I married a non-Jew!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Crazy Bat-@#$& neighbor - Story Deu (#2)
So Sunday my buddy and I were outside planting some plants. I had my radio on (Stroke 9 and Train - nothing too extreme)....we worked for about 1.5 hours, and then had a few minutes to chill before heading back to the store for hanging baskets.
Crazy tihstab neighbor comes out her front door (4pm Sunday afternoon to get her Sunday paper which I brought up from the street level for her) and tells me to turn down the radio, she's trying to take a nap . It's cold enough that all her windows and doors are shut.
The radio isn't turned up excessively, just loud enough that we can hear it working within 15 feet of it....and it's on the far side of my patio, furthest away from her....if a car goes by on the street, it drowns out the radio.
I say, no, I'm not going to turn down the radio that is by no means not being played at an unreasonable level. I suggest to her if she wants peace and quite, to move to the suburbs into a detached house with plenty of space and peace and quite.
She complains that this is a rowhome, and I should be more considerate.
I flip her the bird.
She says everyone in the neighborhood knows that I'm a terrible neighbor. (mind you, she doesn't talk with any neighbors....we have 2 yearly parties for the block...she's never attended one and numerous other gatherings like a party down the block for one of my neighbors birthday's on Saturday night...she's never gone to any of them...you never see her outside talking with the neighbors, I know personally and have been inside the homes of over 6 of our neighbors....I talk with the neighbors all the time...they all think she's crazy)
I tell her everyone know that she's a crazy b!tch, and to go away.
She continues to complain and then finally goes back into her home when I don't continue the conversation.
I relayed the story to the police officer that lives on the block....he said there is nothing she can do unless the radio was being played at an extreme level.....and definitely not on a Sunday afternoon at 4pm....he suggested to me that the next time she says something like that, to tell her to stop talking to me or I will call the cops and file a complaint that she's harassing me....and we can even have the police officer (him) that lives on the block arbitrate it.
I love people like her.....idiot.
Crazy tihstab neighbor comes out her front door (4pm Sunday afternoon to get her Sunday paper which I brought up from the street level for her) and tells me to turn down the radio, she's trying to take a nap . It's cold enough that all her windows and doors are shut.
The radio isn't turned up excessively, just loud enough that we can hear it working within 15 feet of it....and it's on the far side of my patio, furthest away from her....if a car goes by on the street, it drowns out the radio.
I say, no, I'm not going to turn down the radio that is by no means not being played at an unreasonable level. I suggest to her if she wants peace and quite, to move to the suburbs into a detached house with plenty of space and peace and quite.
She complains that this is a rowhome, and I should be more considerate.
I flip her the bird.
She says everyone in the neighborhood knows that I'm a terrible neighbor. (mind you, she doesn't talk with any neighbors....we have 2 yearly parties for the block...she's never attended one and numerous other gatherings like a party down the block for one of my neighbors birthday's on Saturday night...she's never gone to any of them...you never see her outside talking with the neighbors, I know personally and have been inside the homes of over 6 of our neighbors....I talk with the neighbors all the time...they all think she's crazy)
I tell her everyone know that she's a crazy b!tch, and to go away.
She continues to complain and then finally goes back into her home when I don't continue the conversation.
I relayed the story to the police officer that lives on the block....he said there is nothing she can do unless the radio was being played at an extreme level.....and definitely not on a Sunday afternoon at 4pm....he suggested to me that the next time she says something like that, to tell her to stop talking to me or I will call the cops and file a complaint that she's harassing me....and we can even have the police officer (him) that lives on the block arbitrate it.
I love people like her.....idiot.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
You're an asshole, and I'm incredibly sick of your schtick.
Your posts are the single largest reason why the deuce is no longer as enjoyable for me. It boggles my mind that your arrogance and hostility are so popular here.
You're right; that is better.
You're right; that is better.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
For the love of God - STOP!
My God, you people must be, at a minimum, four or six years removed from high school. You should be emotionally grown enough to not need to pass around the virtual functional equivalent of "I love you, do you love me?" notes. Wow.
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