I should know better

I had a monster order of Burger King's onion rings last night.

They're apparently still sitting in my gut, because right now my poor dog's eyes are watering and she's sniffing the air, just from the bombs I'm letting off in the basement.

Me and onion rings don't mix. Actually, if I lived on a desert island, they'd be fine, but around other living creatures with a sense of smell, it's just not right.

IGNORANT!

I lived it moron!!!! My life. My experiences!!!! All my Jewish friends who agree because they lived it too.

You are the ignorant one. You don't know what the fuck you are talking about.

That is one of the reasons why I left Chicago. That is the very reason I married a non-Jew!

Crazy Bat-@#$& neighbor - Story Deu (#2)

So Sunday my buddy and I were outside planting some plants. I had my radio on (Stroke 9 and Train - nothing too extreme)....we worked for about 1.5 hours, and then had a few minutes to chill before heading back to the store for hanging baskets.

Crazy tihstab neighbor comes out her front door (4pm Sunday afternoon to get her Sunday paper which I brought up from the street level for her) and tells me to turn down the radio, she's trying to take a nap . It's cold enough that all her windows and doors are shut.

The radio isn't turned up excessively, just loud enough that we can hear it working within 15 feet of it....and it's on the far side of my patio, furthest away from her....if a car goes by on the street, it drowns out the radio.

I say, no, I'm not going to turn down the radio that is by no means not being played at an unreasonable level. I suggest to her if she wants peace and quite, to move to the suburbs into a detached house with plenty of space and peace and quite.

She complains that this is a rowhome, and I should be more considerate.

I flip her the bird.

She says everyone in the neighborhood knows that I'm a terrible neighbor. (mind you, she doesn't talk with any neighbors....we have 2 yearly parties for the block...she's never attended one and numerous other gatherings like a party down the block for one of my neighbors birthday's on Saturday night...she's never gone to any of them...you never see her outside talking with the neighbors, I know personally and have been inside the homes of over 6 of our neighbors....I talk with the neighbors all the time...they all think she's crazy)

I tell her everyone know that she's a crazy b!tch, and to go away.

She continues to complain and then finally goes back into her home when I don't continue the conversation.

I relayed the story to the police officer that lives on the block....he said there is nothing she can do unless the radio was being played at an extreme level.....and definitely not on a Sunday afternoon at 4pm....he suggested to me that the next time she says something like that, to tell her to stop talking to me or I will call the cops and file a complaint that she's harassing me....and we can even have the police officer (him) that lives on the block arbitrate it.

I love people like her.....idiot.

You're an asshole, and I'm incredibly sick of your schtick.

Your posts are the single largest reason why the deuce is no longer as enjoyable for me. It boggles my mind that your arrogance and hostility are so popular here.

You're right; that is better.

For the love of God - STOP!

My God, you people must be, at a minimum, four or six years removed from high school. You should be emotionally grown enough to not need to pass around the virtual functional equivalent of "I love you, do you love me?" notes. Wow.

I saw a girl slap her guy a couple weeks ago

Like 4 feet away from me. It was awesome.

I'd like to date a girl who slaps me every once in a while. Not throwing lamps or anything, but a good slap in the face would be pretty cool.

My girlfriend is in jail right now

I can't believe I just typed that. Yesterday was the worst day of my life. Apparently she is a theif. I got a call from a friend yesterday saying they saw her on the side of the road being cuffed and put into the back of a police car. When I got to the scene her car was being towed and she told me she was arrested for a outstanding warrant.

A couple of months ago she got arrested and gave me a BS story about how it was for a failure to appear in court for a fake ID ticket she used years ago when she was only 20. Apperently she actually stole more than $500 worth of stuff from the mall (A FREAKING FELONY). At X-mas time she told me her dad gave her his credit card and told her to spend $1000 on herself for X-mas. Her dad is loaded so it didn't seem very far fetched. She then told me he gave her a $600 gift card to Best Buy that he wasn't going to use. Apparently her MO was to steal stuff, then bring the merch back, say she lost the receipt and just have the amount put on a gift card.

So last night she got arrested for a warrant for failing to appear in court over the shoplifting charge.

I can't tell you all how much of a shock this is. She is a wonderful person with a great family (who has money). She really needs prefessional help. She is horrible with money and is always speding money we don't have. She has this sense of entitlement that tells her she has to have everything she wants right when she wants it. I was at her parents house talking about all of this with her family until 3AM last night. We are all in a total state of shock right now.

I don't know how I'll be able to stay with her. She has lied to me about SOOO much stuff. I was going to marry this girl. What the eff do I do now?

Go blank yourselves

You and some of your brethern need to stay the f^ck away when Weber turns this around starting next year. The bandwagon is closed for some of you. Enjoy this year while you can as some of you will not be able to show your pathetic heads when we are winning again. Somehow, I bet we see alot of new 'members' next year.

I'm newly single and I have a question...

Should I shave or just trim my man area? And if I should shave, how high and far back should I go?
lucky for my lazy ssa, i get to pretend to be one of those birkenstock dykes!

Have I ever told my July 19-20, 1969 story here?

1. Was 18, just graduated from high school
2. Went out saturday night (July 19th) with an older friend, male.
3. All night drinking with some of his Bradley female friends.
4. Got laided (LAM)
5. Around 3-4AM, it's time to go home.
6. While leaving Peoria, my friend decided to chase a hooker down the sidewalk, in his car.
7. Stopped by the police. Rules were a little different then and the cop said just go home.
8. On the way home I said "Greg, you're going a little fast, aren't you?" He said yeah 144. He had some Ford Torino with about 600HP.
9. Got to my house at like 5AM. Knocked on the door. My Mother looked out, turned away and relocked the door.
10. Sat on the front porch until 8:00 when my mother opened the door and said "Get dressed, we're going to church"
11. After church, my mother said we're going to grandma's for dinner. (Actually Sunday lunch, etc)
12. After "dinner", I fell asleep in my grandmother's bed. I missed the moon landing
13. Recovered enough Sunday night to watch the first walk on the moon.

for the record, what has kept you from remarking

on Mech's or Tiki's witty zings not in direct response to one of yoyo's comments? haven't they been doing this longer than I have? if you think there's one whit of intelligence to your comments about my comments about yoyo, maybe you should sling them around at other people here. otherwise, quit being a bitch.

and, wtf? you see boners on the train?

oh that's rich coming from you

you, who has called me a dyke, fat, stupid, and racist are going to say i go out of my way to insult you? why? because one time i said that it was racist of you to constantly be posting threads that are negative about jews and israel? laughing my big fat dyke ass off.

my cats are currently having the sex in the other room

at least someone is getting some yssup around here!

A toddler with pierced ears and a stache?!?

Is the kid Puerto Rican?

P.S. - Sorry about the stache comment. If it makes you feel any better, most of the dago women in my family all have them too.

To the smartass who tried to start a fight oustide a Bamba's tonight..

...I already make more per year than you will ever make. I didn't kick your ass becaue I actually have something to live for...bitch. Good luck with that LAS degree!!!

Oh man...Dixie Truckstop is on fire!!!

just came over the scanner.

That sucks!!! Place had pretty good food and has been there forever

mrs. and i went to the DC car show saturday. it was MOBBED. wall to wall humanity.

as we stepped off the escalator a woman in her mid-late 30s was standing at the bottom causing folks to basically have to walk around her to get off the escalator.

as I walked by her she cupped her hands to her mouth and shouted IN MY EAR...... "DANNY.....DANNY!!!" and then 2 seconds later, Danny, who was standing 4 feet away appeared.

when I say "in my ear" I'm not exaggerating. my ear literally was ringing for about 10-15 seconds. I practically pooped my pants b/c i wasn't expecting someone to shout into my ear.

as i got about 5 feet away i shouted sarcastically, "THANKS!" and kept walking. case closed as far as I was concerned.

but no, she then shouted "I WAS LOOKING FOR MY SON, A-HOLE!" (right in front of the kid).

I was planning to keep walking but felt the need to turn back, take a few steps towards her and say "Nice language. The mom of the year voting is on the 2nd floor. You've got my vote".

Not my best comeback......but my ear was still ringing and I was more shocked that instead of just apologizing or ignoring me, she dropped the a-hole bomb in front of the kid. YES, I understand losing a kid for a few seconds can freak a parent out. but that doesn't mean you block the escalator and shout in people's ears without at least apologizing.

Got ahold of a female friend's cell phone tonight at dinner

She got a random text from a co-worker and I started texting the dude raunchy stuff. He ended up sending a pic of his junk to her.

It was pretty funny.

There is going to be total awkwardness at their work tomorrow.

I messed up big time

My son won some tickets to a University of Evansville Women's basketball game that was played last Sunday. He didn't really want to go and I didn't feel like driving an hour down there either. My wife tried to get us to go but we went over to grandpa's woodshop instead and messed around all afternoon.

I found out today that his name was scrolled on the scoreboard during the game. He was also called down to participate in some sort of half time contest. He won the tickets in some reading contest at school. If Mrs. finds out about this, I am dead.

One winter I was working at FS

filling anhydrous tanks for farmers. I climbed up one tank with the hose in my right hand and tried to pass it to my left behind my back.

In the process, I turned the valve and it sprayed anhydrous all over the back of my legs. I howled and hauled ass across the lot to where we had a big trough full of water. I had to punch through the ice, drop my pants down around my ankles and start splashing water on the back of my legs.

It was about 30 degrees outside. Fortunately I was alone so no one saw my painful humiliation.

That night I had huge blisters on the backs of my legs and I couldn't work for several days.