*has a life and doesnt spend all day here*

Hmmm... Gastric conditions might keep me out of Kung Fu tonight.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

so i sliced my upper lip while shaving this morning.

i bled like a stuck hog. got blood on my undershirt, ate pancakes while dabbing the blood with a paper towel.

thank goodness pop had some kind of stick to make it stop bleeding. that thing hurt like a sonuvagun.

that's what i get for not paying attention with a brand new razor.

i wish i was making this up.

i had to call the doc to find out how to stop the bleeding. no, i did not cry when i drove over there. i almost cried after applying the dipstick pencil, tho.

As for the bird...

we found the owner. Apparently Sunshine, as she was named, got out of the cage when the owner's young daughter was cleaning the cage. She'd been gone for about 2 hours.

That wasn't 'Lil Girl..that was Big Red.

Red was the dog we got from my aunt. He was part pitbull part boxer. Lil Girl is a poodle.

Dear roommate:

I'm wasted and you left Taco Bell in the fridge. I know you're going to make a big deal out of it but I'm going to eat it and if you want $5, that's fine. Just don't be a whiny little b1tch about it when it's only a couple bucks worth of left over TB.

Sincerely yours,

I just got an email from a craigslister that was mad that

I gave away a bike for free, because he wanted it and would have paid $50. LOL.

Also, his email siggy said "Cash or Barter for Anything of Value"

So maybe I coulda got $50 for it. *shrug* I got it for free anyway -- giving it away for free in turn is better karma.

More roommate issues

She locked me out of the basement so I couldn't do anymore laundry. Good thing I got the stuff out I needed for this weekend before that.

There is a wall separating her room and then laundry area. She doesn't lock the door during the day, but we feel like we're never welcome to go down there to do our laundry. She leaves the door shut almost all the time so we never know if she's home or not. I really hit the jackpot when I knock and she doesn't answer. Most of the time in the evenings though (when I have time to do laundry) she's down there and we have to get permission basically to go down.

The landlord roommate talked about putting up some sort of partition. The problem is that the stairs go into the half of the basement that is her room. Then at the bottom of the stairs there is immediately a doorway on the left that goes to the laundry/storage area. It would have to be like an L-shaped wall/door/cubicle thingy to work.

She just needs to move out.

My darn wife!!!

She is always taking our cordless phones from the cradle and not putting back or near the cradle. Everytime the phone rings its like a freaking treasure hunt ‘round here. There is never one in our bed room. If an intruder breaks into the house at night, we are screwed.

Rant over......

back sweat on girls=huge turn off

So I'm walking to class today on a beautiful day, ballpark 75 degrees, sun is out, birds and all that good stuff when who do I see but the girl that I always see on campus that I've been dying to talk to. Just kind of one of those things where I've never seen her out or had a good spot to talk to her, even though her friend lives in my building. And so she turns and starts to walk in front of me, which normally would be nice because she has a great body (and a great ass, which is my personal fav). And then I saw it. The back sweat. Now, if it's 95 degrees and everyone is sweating their balls off in ridiculous humidity like it is here in summer, ok, I'll give you a pass. But backsweat in 75 degree weather when she's wearing a tank top and shorts? I mean that's ISDH level backsweating right there. Needless to say, it was a huge turn off. Also needless to say, if I catch her in a social situation I will definitely still be talking to her. Picturing her with back sweat actually might make it easier because it'll curb her hotness level while I talk to her, making it less intimidating.

my work schedule for the next month:

***ugh!!!!***

4/27: 9:30-8
4/28: 9:30-6 (going to miss the NFL Draft)
4/29: 11:30-5 (going to miss day 2 of the Draft)
4/30: 2-8
5/1: 9:30-8
5/2: 9:30-4
5/3-5/4: OFF
5/5: 9:30-6
5/6: 11:30-5
5/7: 11-8
5/8: 9:30-8 (got to work on my birthday)
5/9: 9:30-8
5/10-5/11: OFF
5/12: 9:30-8 (extended hours for 1 day only)
5/13: 11:30-5
5/14: 3-8
5/15: 9:30-8
5/16: 9:30-5
5/17-5/18: OFF
5/19: 9:30-6
5/20: 11:30-5
5/21: 9:30-8
5/22: 11-8
5/23: 11-8
5/24: 3-8
5/25: 9:30-2
5/26-5/27: OFF
5/28: 9:30-4
5/29-5/30: OFF
5/31: 9:30-5
6/1: 10-8
6/2: 10-6
6/3: 11:30-5

I put up a Found poster in the post office

so far...no luck finding the owners.

but the postmaster might be taking it off our hands. We're going to give it one more day and hopefully by tomorrow when I get home from work...it won't be here! That thing is noisy as hell. Everytime I leave the room...it just chirps away until i come back.

Also...the two cats are pacing near my door (I had to put the bird in my bedroom because the cats wouldn't leave it alone in the living room. They were jumping on the table trying to knock the cage over.) So I have to make sure I shut the door everytime I walk out.

Just got harangued by a hippie at the grocery store

I was minding my own business standing in line, buying a pre-made salad and he started going off on me because it came in a plastic bowl. (he reeked and was almost certainly stoned).

Smelly Hippie: "This world is a sadder place to live because of people who are too lazy to wash their own dishes."

Me: (wrinkling nose in disgust) "You know - I was just going to say the same thing about people who are too lazy to wash themselves."

Smelly Hippie: (getting pissed) "Do you realize how much energy it took to create that bowl your food's in? You're helping kill the planet. Why don't people realize the nature creates everything we need - this overindustrialized society is going to be the end of us."

Me: (looking at his groceries that included a big bag of doritos and a gatorade) "Yeah. You're really livin' off the earth there , Johnny Appleseed.

He then started an animated spiel about the importance of hemp, but it was my turn to pay so I did and left.

Stupid hippies....

Who's the Boss? and The Golden Girls were almost exact contemporaries

I can't believe there was room on the airwaves for two leathery redheaded grandma sluts at one time.

Just sent a "Sorry I was such an ass when I was drunk" email.

If I ever stop sending those e-mails I hope somebody puts me out of my misery. It's pretty much boiler plate these days:

Sorry for (urinating/throwing up) (on your floor, in your bathroom, on your couch) last night. I'll be over (today/tonight/tomorrow) with (breakfast/lunch/dinner) and (lysol/fabreeze) as soon as I (sober up, wake up, get out of jail, get out of the hospital). I'm also sorry for saying that thing about your (mother, father, sister, brother, girlfriend). Sorry again,

just found a pretty bird on my front porch

green with a red face and some blue plummage under his wings.

Too big to be a parakeet...Ron thinks it's a Quaker? Never heard of that species.

Also could be some small version of a parrot.

Took it in...found a cage for him. He was VERY hungry. Just waiting to find out who it belongs to. The cats and the dog are going nuts.

Had to move the bird into my room because the cats were starting to climb up on chairs and on the wall heater. Problem is the cage doesn't have a door on it...so we put some heavy newspaper over where the door would normally be (with wire ties and bread ties securing the paper in place) and have put it up flesh against a wall with a heavy magazine holding the paper flatter against the cage.

Chatting up a girl while she's at work. Creepy or not creepy?

I went to the bank this afternoon and struck up a casual conversation. She seemed to dig me, I asked for (and received) her number (LAM). I was speaking to a female friend who, coincidentally, used to be a bank teller herself and she said I was way creepy for hitting on her. I believe I did nothing wrong.

something i just realized. 15 years ago, mrs was 15

thank heaven for
LITTLE GIRLS
who grow up in a
most peculiar way

Why do people cry?

Mrs was supposed to take my mom to the chiropractor at 5. My mom just called up crying and said she cancelled the appointment and didn't want to be an inconvenience in our lives. Damn!

I saw this on my way into work today

All sorts of toy figurine things
I guess the hood had a bunch of animals, like bears, deer, horses... didnt have a chance to take a picture of that