Dear roommate:

I'm wasted and you left Taco Bell in the fridge. I know you're going to make a big deal out of it but I'm going to eat it and if you want $5, that's fine. Just don't be a whiny little b1tch about it when it's only a couple bucks worth of left over TB.

Sincerely yours,

I just got an email from a craigslister that was mad that

I gave away a bike for free, because he wanted it and would have paid $50. LOL.

Also, his email siggy said "Cash or Barter for Anything of Value"

So maybe I coulda got $50 for it. *shrug* I got it for free anyway -- giving it away for free in turn is better karma.

More roommate issues

She locked me out of the basement so I couldn't do anymore laundry. Good thing I got the stuff out I needed for this weekend before that.

There is a wall separating her room and then laundry area. She doesn't lock the door during the day, but we feel like we're never welcome to go down there to do our laundry. She leaves the door shut almost all the time so we never know if she's home or not. I really hit the jackpot when I knock and she doesn't answer. Most of the time in the evenings though (when I have time to do laundry) she's down there and we have to get permission basically to go down.

The landlord roommate talked about putting up some sort of partition. The problem is that the stairs go into the half of the basement that is her room. Then at the bottom of the stairs there is immediately a doorway on the left that goes to the laundry/storage area. It would have to be like an L-shaped wall/door/cubicle thingy to work.

She just needs to move out.

My darn wife!!!

She is always taking our cordless phones from the cradle and not putting back or near the cradle. Everytime the phone rings its like a freaking treasure hunt ‘round here. There is never one in our bed room. If an intruder breaks into the house at night, we are screwed.

Rant over......

back sweat on girls=huge turn off

So I'm walking to class today on a beautiful day, ballpark 75 degrees, sun is out, birds and all that good stuff when who do I see but the girl that I always see on campus that I've been dying to talk to. Just kind of one of those things where I've never seen her out or had a good spot to talk to her, even though her friend lives in my building. And so she turns and starts to walk in front of me, which normally would be nice because she has a great body (and a great ass, which is my personal fav). And then I saw it. The back sweat. Now, if it's 95 degrees and everyone is sweating their balls off in ridiculous humidity like it is here in summer, ok, I'll give you a pass. But backsweat in 75 degree weather when she's wearing a tank top and shorts? I mean that's ISDH level backsweating right there. Needless to say, it was a huge turn off. Also needless to say, if I catch her in a social situation I will definitely still be talking to her. Picturing her with back sweat actually might make it easier because it'll curb her hotness level while I talk to her, making it less intimidating.

my work schedule for the next month:

***ugh!!!!***

4/27: 9:30-8
4/28: 9:30-6 (going to miss the NFL Draft)
4/29: 11:30-5 (going to miss day 2 of the Draft)
4/30: 2-8
5/1: 9:30-8
5/2: 9:30-4
5/3-5/4: OFF
5/5: 9:30-6
5/6: 11:30-5
5/7: 11-8
5/8: 9:30-8 (got to work on my birthday)
5/9: 9:30-8
5/10-5/11: OFF
5/12: 9:30-8 (extended hours for 1 day only)
5/13: 11:30-5
5/14: 3-8
5/15: 9:30-8
5/16: 9:30-5
5/17-5/18: OFF
5/19: 9:30-6
5/20: 11:30-5
5/21: 9:30-8
5/22: 11-8
5/23: 11-8
5/24: 3-8
5/25: 9:30-2
5/26-5/27: OFF
5/28: 9:30-4
5/29-5/30: OFF
5/31: 9:30-5
6/1: 10-8
6/2: 10-6
6/3: 11:30-5

I put up a Found poster in the post office

so far...no luck finding the owners.

but the postmaster might be taking it off our hands. We're going to give it one more day and hopefully by tomorrow when I get home from work...it won't be here! That thing is noisy as hell. Everytime I leave the room...it just chirps away until i come back.

Also...the two cats are pacing near my door (I had to put the bird in my bedroom because the cats wouldn't leave it alone in the living room. They were jumping on the table trying to knock the cage over.) So I have to make sure I shut the door everytime I walk out.

Just got harangued by a hippie at the grocery store

I was minding my own business standing in line, buying a pre-made salad and he started going off on me because it came in a plastic bowl. (he reeked and was almost certainly stoned).

Smelly Hippie: "This world is a sadder place to live because of people who are too lazy to wash their own dishes."

Me: (wrinkling nose in disgust) "You know - I was just going to say the same thing about people who are too lazy to wash themselves."

Smelly Hippie: (getting pissed) "Do you realize how much energy it took to create that bowl your food's in? You're helping kill the planet. Why don't people realize the nature creates everything we need - this overindustrialized society is going to be the end of us."

Me: (looking at his groceries that included a big bag of doritos and a gatorade) "Yeah. You're really livin' off the earth there , Johnny Appleseed.

He then started an animated spiel about the importance of hemp, but it was my turn to pay so I did and left.

Stupid hippies....

Who's the Boss? and The Golden Girls were almost exact contemporaries

I can't believe there was room on the airwaves for two leathery redheaded grandma sluts at one time.

Just sent a "Sorry I was such an ass when I was drunk" email.

If I ever stop sending those e-mails I hope somebody puts me out of my misery. It's pretty much boiler plate these days:

Sorry for (urinating/throwing up) (on your floor, in your bathroom, on your couch) last night. I'll be over (today/tonight/tomorrow) with (breakfast/lunch/dinner) and (lysol/fabreeze) as soon as I (sober up, wake up, get out of jail, get out of the hospital). I'm also sorry for saying that thing about your (mother, father, sister, brother, girlfriend). Sorry again,

just found a pretty bird on my front porch

green with a red face and some blue plummage under his wings.

Too big to be a parakeet...Ron thinks it's a Quaker? Never heard of that species.

Also could be some small version of a parrot.

Took it in...found a cage for him. He was VERY hungry. Just waiting to find out who it belongs to. The cats and the dog are going nuts.

Had to move the bird into my room because the cats were starting to climb up on chairs and on the wall heater. Problem is the cage doesn't have a door on it...so we put some heavy newspaper over where the door would normally be (with wire ties and bread ties securing the paper in place) and have put it up flesh against a wall with a heavy magazine holding the paper flatter against the cage.

Chatting up a girl while she's at work. Creepy or not creepy?

I went to the bank this afternoon and struck up a casual conversation. She seemed to dig me, I asked for (and received) her number (LAM). I was speaking to a female friend who, coincidentally, used to be a bank teller herself and she said I was way creepy for hitting on her. I believe I did nothing wrong.

something i just realized. 15 years ago, mrs was 15

thank heaven for
LITTLE GIRLS
who grow up in a
most peculiar way

Why do people cry?

Mrs was supposed to take my mom to the chiropractor at 5. My mom just called up crying and said she cancelled the appointment and didn't want to be an inconvenience in our lives. Damn!

I saw this on my way into work today

All sorts of toy figurine things
I guess the hood had a bunch of animals, like bears, deer, horses... didnt have a chance to take a picture of that

minimum time lapsed between blog updates to remain credible?

i say weekly. Jackie gets a pass.

i wrote "minimum" so you could catch my incongruency, i'm an idiot.

A drunk guy just opened my door and asked for more alcohol.

Like an idiot, I didn't get up and lock the door. So he walked in again asking if we had an Miller Lite. I told him we didn't have any booze. He asked me if I had any beer, I said no. He asked me if we had any hard alcohol, I said no. He asked me if we had any booze, I said no. He asked for a grape soda out of the box right next to the door, he got one.

And now I think he's out rooting around in the dumpster. Undoubtedly looking for booze.

And now he knocks to let me know he found who he came for.

List of things I did last night after coming home:

-Put a load of laundry in the washing machine. Just clothes. No detergent. Didn't start the machine.

-Set the clock on the stove that's been flashing for 2 days. Amazingly, it's correct.

-Emptied half of the dishes from the dishwasher (most of the dishes ended up in their correct places), presumably so I could...

-Pour myself a bowl of cereal and left it on the kitchen counter.

-Turned the TV on.

-Passed out on the floor of my living room.

I might have collapsed a teenagers lung tonight.

I kicked the crap out of his chest and we had to cut our fight short.

The entire dojo was like afterwards.

I think I'm addicted to Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

I bought a box Tuesday and it's almost gone.

so i had my shoes shined yesterday

at a clothing store in town. i've been going in there for years and seen the old dude at the shine stand just sitting there, never exactly swamped with business.

i'm a little freaky-obsessive about keeping my shoes shined, and the loafers i had on were pretty bad. so i pop up in the chair and figure maybe i can watch the old guy show me his craft.

24 minutes later, i'm staring at America's worst shine. the poor guy was undoing bottles of shoe products from the 50s. then he hauls out a Craftsman heater and covers my shoes. To finish the job, he lifts one of those floor model buffer thing-ys and buffs my shoes.

the best part is that when he didn't put the protective card blockers in to protect the socks from getting shoe gunk on them, i thought to myself," the man is obviously old school. he'd be insulted if i asked about those."

i just found out that...

i made out with a girl who is now on the adobe cs3 team. saw her name on the install file. guess she did follow through on that art degree

Tonight will be my 1st time returning to the dojo after tasting defeat

I want to beat up on some easier people before i rematch him. Fighting a green belt is a pretty big step up in the rankings for me still.

pwn3d

*hangs head in shame*

'no longer listed in a relationship'

which to me is good news lol

why must i overreact so dang much?

you just don't go missionary.

lots of on the side or mommy can be sort of sitting up with proper pillow support. or mommy can be on her hands and knees.

sometimes mommy is a bit sensitive due to the increased blood flow to her genital area.

many mommies also experience an increased sex drive in the early months of their pregnancy.

so there is plenty of time to see which positions are most comfortable for mommy. you have to be careful which, if any, lubrications you use, as some of those could be harmful to baby.

the gameplan was working or so i thought

then i must have gotten my signals crossed somewhere. we were gonna go up to the coo/creep game on friday.

but i guess we are just going as 'friends' now, since she is in a relationship as of 1240pm. (damn facebook)

just go ahead and rip my heart out and stomp on it, why dont you...it cant feel anyworse!!!!!

damn sehcitb!!

- known her for a few months.
- we have hung out a few times, more over the past few weeks.
- nothing in a group setting.
- havent gone out to teh bars together or got drunk together or nothing.
- asked her last night at like 730 via phone call.
- she had to rearrange some stuff so she could go. she was happy to be going.
- I went out last night, she stayed in. i get back from work and check facebook (for other reasons) and the newsfeed informs me of her change in relationship status.

So now I'm that girl who cries at work.

We'll see if I still have a job at the end of the week.

This week on Birdy's World...

*'Allison Road' begins to play*

Birdy can't find his 'New Miserable Experience' cassette and it's DRIVING HIM CRAZY. You won't believe where he ends up finding it and what else he finds along the way. Tune in this Thursday 8:30/7:30C on NBC.

Oh.... a 13 year old started crying tonight.

It was awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had nothing to do with it though.

Lost my first Kung Fu fight tonight

A green belt beat me. He was a lot better than me and kicked me in the gut once for 2 points. I punched him in the head twice. He punched me in the head and finished me off with punches to the chest.

He won 5-2... but he has been fighting for over 18 months. I have only been fighting for 2.5 months.

I still have a 2-1 record in kung fu fights.

kind of a serious topic ot be a smartass about

don't ya think?

so last night, mrs and i were discussing something, i don't even

remember what the topic was. anyway, i started talking about it like i knew a bunch about the subject.

mrs: "oh, so you're an expert on this now, huh? did you read all of this or something?"

me: "no, but i did stay at a holiday inn express last night."

mrs: *slaps me* (not in the face)

me:

mrs: "that's not funny"

me:

mrsk: "you know i'm insecure about that."

me:

mrs: *glares* "you said you were at a HOLIDAY INN!!!"

me: "a holiday inn express! haven't you ever seen those commercials?"

mrs: "oh. no."

goodness - i didn't realize she was that insecure about this. mrs thinks i am having an affair with one of my co-workers (this is where GMAW comes in). she thinks it is with the co-worker that was with me in chicago, and whom 22, throw, TIT, GMAW have all met.

GMAW can testify - my co-worker is not my type.

Now accepting applications

My best friend of 20 years moved to England this morning. We met in High School, went to Illinois together and lived together all 4 years, he was my landlord for 2 years when I lived in his old house, hell I even lived with his family for awhile...... Now, he'll be gone for three years.

So, who would like to be my new best friend?

I'd also like references.

5-10 years of friend experience, likes beer. Bitchin' Camaro and hot, single female friends is a plus.

My chair armrests are salt-encrusted. It's embarrassing.

Stupid sweaty palms.

For a slight comparison...

...the University of Illinois took a whole 8 hours to inform the students of the 4 armed robberies on campus. they were informed via email.

just throwing that out there.

Motherf***ing Cubs. Suck my stun you good-for-nothing

pieces of tihs. That goes double for the City of Chicago. Have they even sent out LV2 parking stickers yet? Can't the parking peon see that I've got last year's in my window, and maybe issue a warning? It's not like there's signage that says when the Cubs night games are. Goddam money-grubbing bastards. First I'm gonna contest, and make those srekcuf at least spend time processing it. Then when they determine against me, I hope they choke on my fifty bucks like the Cubs choke on every lead they're lucky enough to get early.

you don't like foods that are good, so shut the hell up

Scratch getting apartment in Springfield

rent is way too high...at least for me. Every place I've seen so far has rent $450+...and those are because of my bad credit.

I'm looking on the outskirts of Springfield (Chatham, Sherman, etc) to see if maybe rent is a little more reasonable because I'm only making around 1100/mo and fee like spending the majority on rent (not counting utilities and other things) just doesn't make sense.

Also...I'm not comfortable on getting roommates. As most of you can attest to...I'm not real comfortable with people I don't know real well.

dietary question: is the occasional diet barq's root brewsky bad?

sometimes i need something with a little taste that isn't gatorade.

well i don't mean bad. i mean more a bad idea. i've got a bit of fat around me belly.

i know Diet Rootbeer has 0 calories. but it doesn't count as water, and there aren't any calories - just some sodium. so,

1) what does the taste come from? and it's gotta be something, right? or is there an extra "has taste but nothing else" category?

2) how do i classify it? lol

my stomach, otoh, was apparently not ready for the festival of flavors that was a meatball sub with hot and banana peppers, onions, black olives, black pepper and parmesan cheez from subway.

jkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayd

me am driunk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i ghot bomley good for us....and icame rahsing through our front dooor, my roomies loooked at me like i was insande....i think i tlaked to jason';s mom drunk, but i'm ont positbi

Yikes, my hunger will not go away!

Since being home, I've had an orange, bowl of cottage cheese, steak sandwich, and a cup of yogurt. Still feel incredibly hungry. WTF?

so I just hooked up with some 19 year old in Dallas

(I'm 24) and I'm thinking, how the hell am I going to get this chick out of here?

Got pissed off at Kung Fu teacher last nigh

Class is supposed to be 90 minutes. He kept us there over 2 hours and I hurt myself in the overtime period.

My upstairs neighbor rode his unicycle to class today.

Also, he records his chess matches with his friends so that he can play them back and watch them.

BWAHAHAHHAHA! Just got an awesome phone call.

First I thought it was legit... it was a (347) area code though.

It was a British chap I could tell right off the bat. I was hoping it wasn't my former London stalker with a new telly number.

Anyway, he starts out with "I saw one of your pictures online..." Ok, not out of the ordinary...

Then he names some person I've never heard of who had a picture taken in some place I'd never heard of. Then he asks if I'm based in Canada. I say, no, I'm in the States in Illinois.

He says "hmm, well there must be another in Canada. I'm terribly sorry."

I told him that that was interesting and I was glad to know there were two of us.

He said "good day" and hung up. Awesomeness.

what is it with mrs and "helping" with the bathrooms

when we redid the other one, i cut the baseboard trim so that she could paint it. i knew that my 45 degree cuts were just a tad long, but i had everything set up for me to come home and shave a bit off the end and i'm done. (there was a bit of a burr on the backside of the board - i didn't get a clean cut).

i tell mrs, "the trim is ready for you to paint. paint it, and i'll put it in when i get home." she paints it. then decides to help by installing the trim for me. (note: i told her i would do it and she should just paint it).

she notices it's a little long. so, still helping mind you, she proceeds to cut a bit off of each piece. at the 90 degree end, not at the 45. so now my boards are too short.

the thing is - she's really really good at most of this stuff. but the "helping" just makes more work.

Hot friend in rehab new twist

Reset: Female friend with kid in elementary school, and toddler at home checked herself into rehab because she was worried about her nightly "fix" of 2 glasses of wine. She will be there for 30 days.

Update: her current best friend is her elementary school child's teacher. I have not met the teacher, but alcoholic gal pal describes her as "young and cute."

Well, the teacher has moved into my friend's house to take care of the little one, while the the father (my friend's husband) goes to work. Come to find out, the teacher stays at the house on weekends, and even accompanied the family (sans Mommy, of course) to the grandparents house for Easter.

Does this seem odd to have the teacher living at my friend's house, even while the husband is home at nights and weekends?

I said it before, I'll say it again

This is just not right and downright unfair.

so mrs has been wanting to redo our bathroom for sometime.

this is the main bathroom in the house, we have another half bath. we have already purchased the tile for the floor, and have gone back and forth on whether to install a pedestal sink or some sort of cabinet.

about a month ago, she indicated that she was going to pull up the tile currently in the bathroom, and place some sort of "sticky fake tile" down until we could do the whole thing. she said, "all i will need your help with is the toilet." note: we have put down linoleum and such in bathrooms before.

i advised her not to undertake this, but wait until we could just do it all at once, "it's not going to be as easy as you think."

further, she recently redid the kitchen in a coffee cafe theme. though it looks very nice, it eliminated our home improvement funds (i don't practice in chicago, so i have limited funds).

anyway, i get home wednesday, and our friend has stopped by with two of her kids. i hear mr and the gal in the hall giggling, and then mrs says, "don't be mad."

i walk down the hall, and 1/3 of the bathroom tiles are ripped up from the floor.

calmly, i ask "what are you doing?"

mrs: "it's just until we can get the other tile down. it will be easy, i only need your help with the toilet."

me: "do you know what we have to do to change out the toilet?"

mrs: "drain the bowl, unhook it, and set it back on. i already have a new seal for it."

me: "no. we have to shut off all the water to the house, drain the pipe and the tank, cut the supply pipe off, get out the torch, solder a new pipe on, and then redo some other connections."

mrs: "oh".

me: "besides - why would we do the floor twice???"

so now i have a bathroom with a third of the floor ripped up, covered by a sheet with the baby bath stuff sitting on it where i am going to trip climbing out of the shower one of these days.

oh - did i mention we're supposed to have a party Sunday at our house?

This week on Birdy's World...

"Idol Talk"

Birdy: "i'm sad to see Haley go home."
Mrs: "i bet you are" *glare*

later that night *training montage-esque music starts*

scene: Birdy is in the basement with a chalkboard and you see him brainstorming and writing down ideas as he plots the next Love Week.

(I'm sure Night Ranger has a good song that we could use, 'The Secret of My Success' perhaps?)

Now having Lucky Charms for dinner

The charms are much more plentiful than I remember. I recall growing up to bowls full of the non charm cereal being common. These days it seems there's at least a ratio of 1 charm to three non charms. It isn't unwelcome, but it's like some sort of parallel universe where everything's all turned around. Also, these charms are unfamiliar to me. The purple horseshoes are there. But the stars, clovers, diamonds, and moons seem to have vanished and been replaced with rainbows, Notre Dame hats, and volcanoes.

Silly little greek girl...

I asked her what font to use for the word "MOM". She said any font that looked like the greek font. I said "How about I just use the greek letters Mu, Omicron, Mu then." She said "No, I want it to spell mom"

Major Update: Solution to last night's geometry problem.

Here is the solution:

Make X = to the radius of the circle.
Then add up all the pieces that make up the perimeter of the trapezoid (starting at the upper left and working around clockwise):

Perimeter = X + (16-X) + (16-X) + (7-X) + (7-X) + X + X + X

Perimeter = 46

Y'know what sucks?

Sometimes when I'm watching Criminal Minds, I realize I have a lot in common with their profile.

what is the most dangerous animal you think you could defeat?

you can only use what is around you, rocks, vines, the ol sand in the eyes gag.

btw im going with hippo, they kill more than you realize

what if i took to the trees! jump on its back shapr stick right in the base of its skull, where it meets the spine. if i fail...i roll off and regroup, they may run fast, but they cant exactly turn on a dime

hmmmm...i could sneak up on it when its docile, it would think the up to kill mode would be longer and less agile as a cat or dog based mammal, 30 pound rock would rattle its skull

Note to the Rutgers women's team, about Mr. Imus:

STOP TAKING IT PERSONALLY! You're in the national spotlight, people are going to say things about your team.

I'm not gonna say that what Imus said was anywhere close to being appropriate, but for cripes sakes, that's his MO. He insults people. So stop crying about it and move on, just like everybody else who has ever been insulted by Imus.

I lied to my wife, and still do. (About this)

Many years ago, on April Fools Day, my wife tried to play a joke on me. She had someone from her office call me at work pretending to be a worker on the new house being built next door to ours. The guy apologized to me and told me that, while working next door, he accidentally put a 2x4 through one of our windows.

I totally played along, acting upset, but not so upset that it’d give away the fact that I knew it was a joke. The guy said that he would clean up the mess and replace the window if I would just let him into the house. I agreed with him and even went so far as to drive home to let him in. When I got there, there was no broken window, of course. And there was no worker waiting for me.

I called my wife at work to ask her if she knew anything about it and they all got a big laugh. She loves telling the story. To this day, whenever a group of us are together and someone starts talking about April Fools Day jokes, she is asked to tell about the time that she totally fooled me, the unfoolable one. I’ve never had the heart to tell her any different.

damn! when will I ever make the all righteous one happy!?

...


okay, only because I have to leave...

will I help your dumb ssa out. I hope you and keno can feel better about your long conversation... ready?

My original statement was "damn! when will I ever make the all righteous one happy!?"

If I have the definition of all righteous on there, it becomes: "damn! when will I ever make the [person who is always free from guilt or sin] happy!?

Happy? Me too...

It is a real phrase...

just not used by yuppies, apparently..... here it is used by someone on a video website "Tyra banks gets all righteous" http://www.watchthisvid.com/latest/tyra-banks-gets-all-righteous.html

Geometry homework help needed.

WXYZ is a trapezoid circumscribed on a circle.
Angles X and Y are right angles
XW = 16
YZ = 7
What is the perimeter of the trapezoid?

So my friend checked herself into alcohol rehab last week

None of us knew she had a problem with alcohol. Apparently, she was drinking two glasses of wine each night.

She has an 18-month old child and will be in rehab (out of town) for 4 weeks. And yes, she is extremely hot.

She is the only personal friend I've known who has gone into rehab.

*adds name to daily prayer list*

just figured out what I'd make a year

only around 14,500. Of course, that's figuring that the $8.50/hr estimate they gave me is accurate (I'm not counting the "bonus" we get for every sale the salespersons make...have no clue how much that is but I bet it isn't very much)

Looking at possible apartments and there is no way in Hades I'll be able to get one...especially with my credit. The whole getting the house has fell through because it'll cost more to get everything turned on there and everything repaired than it would to get an apartment

Sometimes when I think my life has taken a great turn....something always pops up to bring me back down.

the money doesn't bother me as much as discovering that getting an apartment is pretty much an impossible mission...and even if I were able to get one...I'm looking at some hovel or some crime infested area.

having a roommate somewhat scares me
I just picture an Felix and Oscar scenerio

Could the person that stole my grill

please return it?

i've seen this referenced before

wtf is the tinablog? link?

I like kate!

Easter egg hunt in the office today.

Inside the eggs are raffle numbers for later today.

MAJOR UPDATE!! I was told I can only have 3. I had 10 eggs. Do I give the other raffle numbers to people or do I hoard them so those numbers can't win.

So the customer lies to me and it's *my* fault?!?

I ask what the material he made the bag out of and his answer is 100% nylon. Then I asked "It has no coating, just nylon" and he said yes.

The ink instantly peeled off and I informed him it was not nylon. So I did the research by going to the web site he provided me and it reads "It is coated with Urethane Coating and DWR. ".

I specifically asked him what the material was. I specifically asked "nothing but nylon?". I asked him if he was certain.

He directed me to the web site where he had purchased it. It states "Nylon - Coated" in the description line.

Not only isn't it "100% nylon", but it is coated with two different chemicals in the description of the product that he purchased.

No I didn't call him a liar, I said to him that he didn't tell me the truth (which is about the same). It was either a liar or an idiot. I'd prefer thinking of it as lying.

I've gone home before because of the bad cramps

and heavy flow. Meh, it's probably because I'm bleeding from my vagina

I am on my period!!!

first my icecream sammiches.. now...

she steals my depeche mode concert tshirts. wtf. it was the only one i had left. grrrrrrrrrr.

My insides are all twisted and tied!

They turned me loose on the phones, but a) I don't know a lot yet, and b) we deal with a bunch of a-holes.

And on top of that, Ms. is leaving this afternoon to go to Texas until Monday. Not only will I miss her, but now I have to deal with two not-really-liking-each-other dogs all by my lonesome.

And on top of THAT, we've got some huge-ass project here tomorrow, about which we keep getting "motivational" emails that only serve to anxiefy me. Silver lining with that is the project means we'll be off the phones.

Should I change my name to dramaqueen

after numerous calls...

the ice cream sammich theif was none other than ms. she took them home to her roomies.

did she think i wouldn't notice.. when only ONE was left?!?!?! I love those things to DEATH. They feed my power animal.

Apologies for drunk post last night, I'm over everything else

But I'm so sick of taking care of drunk people it's not even funny.

Worst. Night. Ever.

So it started out allright. I was 50-50 on going out tonight but got some stuff done so I decided to go out for a few hours (meaning from 11-2). Pretty typical early night in New Orleans (yes, that's early, our bars don't close at early times). So anyway, me and my 2 buddies are drinking 2 dollar imports/microbrews when who calls up but my hook up buddy (score! right?). Not so fast. She brings this clan of her sorority sisters with a bunch of sketch frat guys, including her abusive ex-boyfriend. Long story short, ex-boyfriend gets physical, I step in, ex-boyfriend steps off and calls hook up buddy non-stop from there on out.

That's okay, I can deal with that as long as sketch boy isn't around. So it's 50-50 again on going to another bar or just drinking on our own. Turns out one of hook-up buddies best friends has now gotten into a fight with one of my best friends (they're dating). She's hysterical, so hook-up buddy goes back to pick her up. I'm stuck in the middle. Eventually hook-up buddy's friend and my buddy patch things up, we get to another bar (1.5 hours later than we're supposed to be there). We get there, everyone wants to leave. Buy a quick drink, leave, go to another bar.

We get outside and some drunk ass girl is collapsed on the ground. No one is paying attention to her. I, being the good summaritan that I am, picks her up and tries to wake her up. She wakes up, some other guy comes to the rescue (that knows her), we decide to walk her home. Her place is a mile from this bar and we're carrying her over our shoulders.

So we get about 1/2 way there, she says she's fine, wants to go back to the bar we're at. Her friend carrying her says no, but also wants to go back to the bar. They decide that they should just go back. I'VE WASTED 45 MINUTES CARRYING THIS GIRL HOME. So outraged, I run back to the bar only to find hook-up buddy talking to another guy. It's now 4:30, I'm so fed up with people at this point I storm off and go home. People suck!!!!

Advice I just read--your air travel tip of the day

The odds of someone bringing a bomb on your plane are small, but the odds of TWO people bringing bombs are infinitesimal. So you should always bring a bomb.

Dear all "matured" females-

If you do not want guys looking at your tiggle bitties, then do not wear low shirts. Any failure to comply with this will be seen as an opportunity, nay, an invitation for guys to look down your shirt. Any looks received while wearing said low shirt are therefore completely deserved and should actually be taken as somewhat of a compliment, seeing as though you brought it on yourself. That is all.

Hugs and Kisses,


PS- We also reserve the right to take peeks at your boobs even when you're not wearing low shirts, as long as we don't get caught. And even if we do get caught, do your worst to me.

Hey, I'm lazy and very standoffish what can I say.

Everyone's blog stinks but mine

How awkward.

One of my good friend's little sisters just added me as a friend, she's a Junior in high school. An excerpt:

Quote:

Haha! I enjoy tanning, shopping, and boys. I love staying up until 3 in the morning talking about sex, giving sex advice, and sleeping in one bed with my dance girls! Yeah! haha! I also enjoy going to Steak and Shake with my gangsta and scaring the people there...haha!

So its official...

she's leaving for Shanghai for 9 months.

This will be a good test.

apparently hosted a rather large booger at today's lunch

shoulda done the standard mirror check beforehand...

I've figured out why the busses never run on time in Chicago.

It takes about 6 or 7 minutes to load a wheelchair onto a crowded bus. On my way home from lunch, we picked up a lady in a wheelchair, and the driver had to get about 8 people to move, raise the seats, re-configure the fare machine, kneel the bus, lower the stairs, get the wheelchair person locked into place, then raise the stairs, unkneel the bus, re-configure the fare machine again, and wait for everyone to get resituated.

All it takes is two or three of those to throw the whole route off schedule by about a half hour.

I propose some sort of forklift device where the wheel chair gets scooped up and just sort of hangs there until their stop. Much more efficient.

bad luck part2

i told you about that situation with that one girl a few weeks ago. i got over that ok. another girl at work was asking me if i was single and i told her i was. She told me she could hook me up with one of her "nice" friends. I said ok. we talked about this and she was going to do this real soon. i guess she was going to bring one of her friends to work to meet me.

well, i was sick over the weekend and i came back to work on Monday to only find out that she was fired the day before. i do not have her number nor does she have mine. I went to work Monday and a guy told me that last Friday she brought in one of her friends to meet me. This guy told me she was a hott Blonde. trust me, i wanted to kick my own ass for getting sick and not being there. maybe things could have worked out, but NOOOOO i had to be sick.

the vacant BK on Green Street is no longer

i beat some guys arse infront of that place, his gf freaked. shouldn't have talked sh*t to me while I'm pissing in the bushes. trying to be cool and you think i wouldn't hear you. i heard you buddy and it was funny seeing your cell phone fly across the street and your gf's face when i smacked that smirk off your face.

maybe now, he won't talk crap to random strangers... that were very drunk. burb biatch.

i got applause... haven't you ever wanted to punch that collar popping express wearing burb boy? all huggin on his token asian gf.

what a solid punch will do to one's self esteem. GUARANTEE he thinks twice before pokin fun at people he doesn't know in public.

i did him a favor. if he were to do that in chi, much worse.

it wasn't a sucker punch...I asked him to apologize first. He got in my face and said "you don't want this man". He went from HeMan to "I'm calling the cops" in a heartbeat after one punch.

I don't pick fights with strangers, but I have a very low tolerance for mofos who think they can do whatever and get away with it. I love bringin those people back down to earth.

So my dog accidentally fired out another butt nugget this morning

Just casually walking down the sidewalk on the way to the park when suddenly *POP* out comes this little turd knuckle. No squatting, it just came out in mid-stride, totally unprovoked. He just looked over his shoulder with an "eh, what can you do?" expression and kept walking. He crapped the rest out a couple of minutes later.

The errant crapper:

MAJOR UPDATE

I got an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie from Potbelly and it was everything I had dreamt it to be.

Fortunately, I was on my way to the gym so I don't feel the least bit guilty about it either.

I am SOOOO craving a chocolate chip cookie!

wtf is wrong with me? I never crave cookies!

Maybe I'll stop somewhere on the way home. It's so strange too. It's not something general like "I want something sweet" or "I want chocolate". It's very specific - I want a big, soft chocolate chip cookie.

I think it's just that I've been eating less carbs than usual lately. I tend to crave sweets if my body is low on carbs (as it will when I get closer to the half marathon).

here's something interesting.

today's socks are not quite mid calf and the rate of slippage is identical for both legs.

on a sidenote

neighbor lady asked me and another guy to help move her son's mattress and box frame out to a truck she rented to transport his stuff to him.

as we lifted the mattress up (while she was watching), we exposed approx 4 nudie mags and 3 pron videos. then after we lifted the box spring, we discovered more videos, two lotion containers and a box of kleenex.

woman hasn't asked me to move anythign since

do they make white permanent markers?

i'm trying to figure out how to start marking my socks "L" and "R".

riddle me this: the dress sock on my right leg stays up, but

the one on the left leg always falls down.

what the heck?

why is this happening?

(yes, i know it's not really a riddle)

Earned my white belt yesterday

I am glad that I went to Kung Fu.

Get bent!

I probably did it like five months ago or something.

UPDATE: Just called her..

said I was being a little puzzy and that was just thinking about myself. Told her not to worry about me and that appreciate any and all time she takes to email/call me. Said a lot more... but it was very unlike me.

I could tell in her voice that she was happy.

"thank you baby.. means a lot"

thanks guys.

ok, i'm really pissed at my gf...

I'm in bed ... broken...

she lives cross town. She still hasn't come to see me. Granted she doesnt' have a car. Its been two days. The reason I'm hurt is cause I went over to comfort her about some family problems. I stayed over on her tiny bed. I slept really twisted and it effed up my back. Now I'm layed out.

I hurt myself to comfort her. Now she is too busy (she is doing a ton of PhD shite) to come over. I don't need hours of her time.. just some dinner and a kiss.

Am I over reacting?

BTW... this is her latest email (its sweet, but actions speak louder than words in my book):

Hey,

I'm sorry. I miss you and I can't help but feel guilty =( I miss you a lot. I want you to know that. Always thinking about you.....

~MS

Going to fast for 2 weeks

only water. Not to lose weight...but after all the negativity in my life...need something to just "flush" it out.

dear hctib that invited me to the movies,

do NOT EVER make me look like a dumbssa EVER again. EVER!

do NOT EVER invite me to be the third wheel EVER again.

do NOT EVER ignore me like you did tonight.

finally, do NOT EVER call me for a ride EVER again. I will not be answering your phone calls/text messages/IMs.

i sure hope that guy has that bubbly personality, because even i have him beat on looks, and i am not all that 'hot' myself, so i really do not know what he has.

ps: 300 was good, as long as i kept my eyes on the screen and not the shennigans that was going on right next to me.

pss: i was not one of the guys with 'smuggled' beer that ended up dropping t and spilling it.

man, i got lucky today going to the doctors.....

I had the doctors assistant check me out today for my appointment. This chick is so hot and she was wearing a skin-tight outfit.

If that wasn't enough, she had a trainee in there also who was about 23 years old and extremely hot as well.

damn, did i hit the lottery or what today? I really enjoyed the doctor poking me and seeing if i was in pain. for about 20 minutes today i felt great.

Now, i am back to reality.

She bought a $50 bra just so she could have a professional fitting.

she doesn't eat meat
She ran five miles yesterday
She has trouble waking up in the morning
she's short
she likes volleyball
She's always cold
She's usually late to things
she cried when jerry died
She had a crush on a pitcher for the white sox
She has cool drinking gloves
She packs light and rarely takes more than a backpack
She once got in a fight with a tiny bearded Wisco fan and then proceeded to dance with him
she most likely smells

At Steinmart today, they had orange courderoy pants

If they had my size I would have bough them ($20). They had a pair that was one size bigger (in the waist) than i wear, I might buy them if they go to another 50% off

alright...

look...I might be a 23 year old female. Big woop. I might say "lol" a lot. Gonna cry about it? I have a personality and I like to show it on here so you give me shit for that? I am majoring in math not english so my grammar and english is crap. I have tough skin...I just don't think it's warranted for you people to dish crap to me when it is less than deserved. I take what you say personally why? because I don't know if you're sarcastic or not! How to rectify? Hmmm, maybe what I do...put an "lol" or a wink in there to signify sarcasm. That way...you don't have to be like a stupid child and make yourself feel better by bringing someone else down. That's just stupid if you can call yourself an adult while spending an entire thread to make fun of someone. That right there is ignorance and imaturity. So instead of "lurking" like a freak I just jump in and try and be myself and I get persecuted. Isn't that nice?

so last night it's just me and the boys at home; mrs was out

with her buddies.

after supper, the boys and i determined to have a game of Yahtzee!. now - i don't really care for Yahtzee!, but both of our boys like to play. it is a new game, we have only played it once. (our oldest and i have played it on his gameboy, but that's it). i, of course, won the previous game of yahtzee!.

so we cleared the table and away we go. things started out fairly fast for our oldest, though it became clear halfway through the contest that unless our middle one went on a Yahtzee! role, this was going to be a two horse race b/w me and our oldest.

our oldest failed to roll a Yahtzee! on his final role, and so entered the dreaded zero. his final tally - 266.

before my final turn, we tallied the other score sheets. the youngest barely broke 200.

with one final role - and having only the three of a kind slot open, my score was 242. i needed 24 to tie; and 25 to win.

both of our boys were now out of their chairs, standing around the table. holding brady in my lap with my left hand, i shook the cup and rolled.

the role: 6 4 3 3 1

i kept the 6.

role 2: 6 6 6 5 and another number that i grabbed when i saw i had 23.

now we're all yelling and gesticulating wildly. i pronounce "i need a 1 to tie, and anything else and i win!" of course i'm being my usual humble self.

our boys are now covering their eyes; they cannot stand the tension. (by this point the middle child was clearly rooting against me.)

i take the cup, shake, and roll a....

1

all three of us let loose with a holler and poor brady's eyes about flew out of his head.

i was all

and the other boys were

then i made them take a shower and go to bed.